Hi everyone,
I’m in a bit of a dilemma and could use some outside perspectives. I (F22) have been with my boyfriend (M36) for almost two years now. When we met, he was already separated from his wife (F38), but they are still legally married on paper. They have a 3 y/o child together.
Today, I learned that while his ex was pregnant with their child, he was texting other women. To me, this feels like a huge betrayal, especially considering she was carrying and birthing his child at the time. He explained that he stayed in the relationship with her out of fear and because their families had forced them to marry due to cultural reasons. He turned to other women for emotional support during that time because his (ex?)wife was abusive and he only had the child because she was approaching her late 30s and really wanted one.
This revelation has made me question our relationship. If he could treat his ex this way, I'm worried that he could do the same to me. He’s my first everything, which makes it really hard for me to let go, but I can't shake the feeling that I’m settling.
I’ve been asking him for things like flowers for over a year, but I’ve only ever bought them for myself. Every time I see a man with flowers, I get upset. I want to feel like a priority in his life. I already expressed all of that above and haven't see much changes.. and he somehow always makes it seem like he is going through stuff and I need to give him some grace and patience.. and to be honest my patience has run out.
The situation is complicated further by the fact that he can’t offer me financial stability, which I expect at least given the large age gap in our relationship. I’m starting to feel like I deserve more than what he can provide.
I’d appreciate any advice or thoughts on how to navigate this.Thanks in advance.
TL;DR : I (F22) have been with my boyfriend (M36) for almost two years. He was separated but still legally married to his ex (F38) when we met. I recently discovered he was texting other women while his ex was pregnant. He claims he stayed with her due to cultural pressure and abuse. I’m worried he could treat me the same way and feel like I’m settling. I’ve asked for things like flowers and to be a priority, but haven’t seen much change. Additionally, he can’t offer me financial stability, which I expected given our age gap. I’m questioning if I deserve more. Advice?