I’ve been with my fiance (29f) for 6 years and I got the dog 2 years ago. I will admit that I have turned in to one of those unbearable pet owners and I often refer to the dog as my baby. The only time the dog is not with me is when I am at work. When I’m home and need to go out somewhere, I wont leave the dog home. I bring her with me everywhere. If im outside, shes outside. If im laying in bed, shes in bed with me. If im taking a shower, she is outside the bathroom door guarding it. She is a Blue Tick Heeler and very clingy and territorial of me.
My fiance and I have 5yo boys (twins) and this is where the issue originally arose. My dog will often “herd” the boys by tripping them on purpose if they are running or trip them if they are too far away from us. It sets my fiance off every single time because it usually just sours the mood and she says that she is the one who has to handle the backlash, not me (the boys crying). She said it’s become far too much emotionally and mentally for her to deal with because this is an every day, easily 6 times a day occurence. I know the dog is just doing what she was bred to do but my fiance gave an ultimatum. Either I bring this dog in for specialized training (behavioral training to deal with her temperament) or she and the boys were gone. It’s not just tripping the kids up. It’s the dog not liking the kids near her cage to a point of her becoming skiddish and on guard whenever they are near it or her getting anxious if they go near her toys or water dish. I agreed she did need training because it almost seemed like she was slowly turning aggressive toward the kids while she was “guarding” her belongings.. one of her belongings being me.. The dog starts whining and scratching at the boys and my fiance whenever any of them try to hug me and will force her way between us before jumping up in my lap and basically guarding me.
So I agreed to the behavioral training. It started 6 months ago and not a single wink of progress has been made. Like literally none. Both my fiance, myself and the kids all go to this behavioral training with her and even the trainer has said that this is not working and they have tried everything they could and referred us out to someone new 4 weeks ago. So the new trainer is 3 days a week, twice at our home and once at their location. Again, all of us go to the training with the dog but still, nothing has changed. If anything, she is becoming worse. Now she constantly whines and has even stopped listening to basic commands and the trainer says that he has seen this before in her breed because they are the tendency to be stubborn and alpha mindset dogs who need routine and “tasks”. So he set out a schedule of tasks to have the dog complete but she wont even do it. The second I walk away she is running after me whining and yesterday Owen went to put her in her cage because it was dinner time (the dog is a massive food thief and has jumped on the table to get food before so now she gets put in her cage during dinner) and she let out a territorial growl before making a fast nipping motion at our sons hand. She has never done this before, ever.
So basically my fiance told me she was “fucking done”. Stated that we have forked over thousands in training fees ($12,500) for literally nothing to work and now that the dog has nipped at our sons hand, I have a choice to make. Obviously I know something needs to be done here because if that dog actually succeeded in biting my child, I would have reacted in a not so nice way. I’m just having a really hard time giving up on the dog after spending so much in training already. I dont know what to do. The new trainer we have seems rather put off by the dogs behavior too. Like shaking his head, in what I believe to just be a complete lack of patience at this point because like I said, she has become loads worse since the training started and even he doesnt know what to do here.
32 comments
Sorry to say but your fiancé seems to be in the right here. Especially now that the dog has acted aggressively towards your children.
It’s hard to recognize that you have to give up a dog you’re so attached to. But your family has to come first.
Put on the plate what is more important to you, your kids who’re probably gonna have some consequences from her behavior or the dog.
You’re actively choosing a dog over your children. What is it going to take for you to finally choose them? Do they need to be bitten because that’s the next step. You love the dog and you’ve given your all in trying to help her issues but they cannot be helped, a professional can’t even help. The dog isn’t meant for a household with children. So if you’re willing to keep the dog and lose your fiancée and kids because she’s not willing to let them be eventually attacked then that’s the bed you’re making and you’re the only one to blame.
You’ve only had the dog two years, had it in training for months and it’s behaviour is getting worse. Your fiancee is right and I hope you don’t have a child significantly hurt before you decide to do something about this.
Well, it’s too bad you got a dog breed that you didn’t intend to use in the way it needs to be used. Working. You got a dog that you keep in a kennel and then coddle the rest of the time. You are solely responsible for the way this dog turned out.
You are going to have to rehome the dog. To a home that knows how to work this/similar breeds. There’s no way this dog is suitable in a family environment.
Please don’t wait until this dog destroys one of your kids faces. Your kids can’t defend themselves. This is serious. I think you’ve exhausted all your chances with the dog, the kids, and your fiancée .
Please don’t wait until there’s a tragedy. Either rehome the dog, or rehome yourself and the dog. Your family should not have to move.
My guy, how is this even a question? Rehome the dog because you clearly cannot handle her issues.
I really think your dog needs to go to a home with no kids and a lot of land.
You need to put your kids 1st!! It sucks, but I think if the dog is regressing, there isn’t a good way to fix it and needs a new home with someone who can handle the breed.
12,500 and no one has mentioned the words ‘resource guarding’ to you? You have a resource guarding dog, unfortunately not just over food, toys and space but also over you. This is the most complex and difficult to resolve version of this problem.
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A trainer who talks about stubborn and alpha mindset dogs is talking rubbish and not worth 1 dollar, not the thousands you have spent.
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Given that the dog resource guards you and has escalated to the point of biting, with children in the home, the only sensible thing is to rehome her to someone more experienced who can start from the beginning with her.
This should be a goddamn no-brainer. I am not nearly as patient as your wife and would have insisted the dog go or we go a long time ago. Your family should always be your first priority. It seems like you’re putting your own feelings and relationship with your dog above your own family which is fucked up. I would give the dog to another kid-free household who can handle her. Or just say bye to your wife and kids.
Contact a heeler rescue. I absolutely LOVE heelers, I have a heeler, but I would never recommend this dog for someone with small children. I have successfully re-homed heelers that I was fostering, it can be done. Your lifestyle just isn’t a good fit for this breed.
By the way your trainers sound kind of dumb. Sorry you wasted so much money on them.
Wow – you are willing to risk your children to keep a badly behaving dog? Your fiance is a very patient women – she has to deal with 3 children.
As a child I was bit in the face by a heeler with far fewer warnings than your dog is giving. You are playing a dangerous game and your children will be the ones to suffer if you continue to keep your head in the sand. And given the warnings from your fiancé, you are also likely to blow up your relationship as well. It’s really not a question of will your dog hurt someone in your home but when. Please, please re-home your dog before someone is seriously hurt.
Re home the dog. Yesterday. An accident is waiting to happen and you’ll be left with no dog, no fiancé and no kids cause she will have full custody
I can’t even believe I just read this.
You waited until your fiance gave you an ultimatum to deal with the dog at all, that is tripping (or worse) your children 6 TIMES A DAY. You do realize that children get hurt when they fall, right? Like kids hit their heads, they break bones, they aren’t rubber balls that just bounce back every time. You are increasing their odds of injury 6 TIMES each day, and another person had to bring up to you that this was a problem.
I don’t think you should be responsible for children, so I vote you take the dog and leave, because you lack the basic awareness necessary to keep your children safe.
Your wife is doing the right thing. As much as you love this dog, your HUMAN children come first always. You have to reconcile with the fact that your home is just not right. The best thing to do would be to find a suitable home for the dog.
If you really wanted a dog, you should have done more research on dogs that are easy to train and typically good with kids. You say here that this behavior is normal for this breed, why would you get a dog like this knowing you had small children? This is all on you.
So, what is more important to you, the dog or you kids? That’s the real question here.
Also if you see no changes in a month or two with DEDICATED dog training (I mean every day and the whole family), you should have seen a different trainer. There is a lot of ways to treat overly territorial dogs. But you have waited too long for this, and your at a boiling point.
I hope you choose your family, but alternatively if you keep the dog, its for about 10 more years alone if he lives long and healthy. But it’s your life, what do you think would make you happier in the long term.
The dog isn’t trainable. Can’t believe you are hesitant to get rid of it.
Dude, what’s more important here ?
Your family or a badly behaved dog that you cannot train..
Your fiancé is right. The dog is a risk to your kids and your fiancé. You’ve gone and got a challenging breed then been surprised when she is challenging. 12k is a fucking lot of money to spend on training and your family is now worse off financially and with the dog. Put them first or loose them.
I’m a dog lover, I’ve had multiple dogs and had to rehome one after 2 years of him attacking my other dogs. Hardest choice of my life but was for the best
how in the fuck are you on the verge of allowing your family to walk away for their own safety rather than taking some responsibility and finding that dog a good home? like give your head a shake, your maturity level is nowhere near where it should be.
Sorry but your fiancé is right
I don’t blame your fiancée at all for wanting to leave. You’ve put this dog you got two years ago ahead of your 5 year old twins, your partner’s happiness, and your household finances have suffered to the tune of spending $12,500 in “training”.
Re-home the dog, or your family is moving out. It’s come to this. Make a decision.
It’s time to re-home your dog.
I understand that you love your dog, but it sounds like you did no research before your got her. Heelers are working, herding dogs that need activity and engagement. They are super smart creatures and need a challenge. They aren’t great family pets, especially with small children.
This isn’t an easy decision, and I understand that. I’ve had dogs most of my life, and it would be seriously painful for me to have given one up. But now it’s a matter of your children’s safety, and that has to come first.
Your dog’s needs are also important here. She is living in a situation that isn’t right for her, and it’s making her more anxious and aggressive. It’s not fair to keep her in a situation in which she’s bound to fail. She needs to be in a home with someone that understands the breed and can work with her.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think the trainers you have been working with really know about the breed. Training is bonding time, and should create a good working relationship between your family and your dog. That’s not happening, so something isn’t right here.
There could also be an underlying medical issue that needs to be addressed. Some dogs develop thyroid issues that affect their behavior, making them more anxious and more prone to aggression and biting. But getting the treatment and medication levels right takes time, and you just don’t have it.
On a side note, your 5 year old son should not have been putting your dog in her crate, especially when you know that the dog is anxious around the kids. You set your dog up for failure here.
You should surrender this dog and please do not get another working/herding breed. You don’t have the proper temperament. Get a golden-doodle or something.
Look. It’s a dog. Dog’s are awesome, but dog’s aren’t children. And they sure as fuck aren’t alphas in your pack. Your dog doesn’t understand their rightful place in the hierarchy, and this is your fault because your dog clearly sees you as the alpha. I actually wonder if you’ve given any correction to this dog whenever any aggression is shown towards your family?
Also, it’s a dog. Dogs don’t get to be aggressive in my house. Period. And if it’s aggressive in any way towards my child? Gone. Immediately.
This is why it’s so important to do breed research before getting a dog.
Why on earth didnt you get a lab or some easy to handle family dog….. Did you research the breed at all???
You are an absolute asshole and a horrendous father for keeping a dog like that around your children. Are you an absolute moron? Do you not love your kids? Are you so stupid that you think that that dog won’t actually bite your children?
So, a few things here:
– dogs usually become worse because of inconsistency
– once a dog has certain habits it’s fairly difficult to break them
– teaching your dog that is ok to be so codependent is NEVER a good idea 🤦🏻♀️, so if you get another dog, start training it immediately and establish boundaries
– your trainer sounds dumb
– your fiancé is correct, this isn’t the home for the dog you raised
Lastly, stop being so selfish, your dog is clearly in distress if she feels she needs to be on guard 24/7 and is in so much distress she’s going to nip at your child (dogs avoid conflict and biting whenever possible). Is this the life you really want for her? Sometimes rehoming the dog is the best decision for the dog as well as for your family.
You have fucked your relationship over because of a dog.
Now your fiancee sees you as someone incapable of putting your children first, and worse, aggressively NOT caring about them in favor of the dog and allowing this beast near them. You actions suggest you will not protect her, the kids.
Then, you have spend 12.5 k on this project.
You sir, have failed as a MAN. You are source of insecurity to her, and not the protective rock of stability you need to be.
And your neglectful behavior WILL be used against you in a custody proceeding. Rightfully so.
I was once asked to help a little girl who was admitted into hospital following an attack by a dog. She just needed company and someone to be with her as mum had other kids and her stay in hospital was going to be a long one.
I saw this beautiful little girl’s face crumple as they took the bandages off and she saw her face in a mirror and I saw her eyes fill with tears when they removed the multiple pins from her leg. She was and remains scarred for life. Her crime? She played tag with the child next door and the dog belonged to her neighbours. They acted on instinct having never even growled at a child before. Her and her family didn’t blame the dog and were devastated to learn that the dog had to be destroyed but her life was ruined. She very nearly died.
That dog hadn’t snapped at someone. Yours has. It has clear issues towards your very very young children. You know what you have to do and it isn’t about keeping your fiance in a relationship it’s about guaranteeing your children’s safety in their own home