My (22F) boyfriend (24M) and I were fwb for close to a month and boyfriend-girlfriend for two months. It was only two months but I felt we had such a good connection in every way. Two weeks ago, my best friend (22F) texted me that she saw my boyfriend with another girl at a cafe and they were way too comfortable and she saw them kiss. I was absolutely heartbroken by this and called my boyfriend and asked what was going on and he denied everything. This was my best friend for so long and I couldn’t possibly think that she would lie to me and I broke up with my boyfriend. The last message from him was “The truth is I never cheated but you’ve already made up your mind that I did so I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise. Hope all turns out good for you” I thought he was gaslighting me and I ignored it and blocked him.
Two nights ago, I was texting my best friend and she said she was at her place but her location said she was in a different town (imessage shows you their location under the contact name if they’re sharing their location). I got curious and looked at her location and it was my boyfriend’s apartment building and I needed to know so I went to his apartment and knocked and she was there. In short, her and I got into a verbal fight, she admitted to lying about my boyfriend’s cheating, my boyfriend kicked her out, and he and I talked and he explained that she asked to meet up saying that I was an idiot for breaking up with him with no proof two days after I broke up with him and things between them started there and he again reassured me that nothing happened while we were together.
I spent that night with him and I really do want to get back together with him and he wants to as well and I’ve completely cut her out and let our friends know what she did as well. My boyfriend texted me to clear my weekend, pack enough for a couple of days, and to come to his place on Friday after work so clearly he has something planned out for us. My entire ability to trust anyone is beyond destroyed right now and I’m afraid of being insecure and being a bad girlfriend because of this. I never would have thought that I would be in this situation and it’s absolutely draining. What can I do to help with my obvious trust issues and what should the two of us do to rebuild our relationship?
P.S. I posted this in another server previously and it was removed for some reason. Would appreciate any advice, thank you!
TLDR: Friend lied about boyfriend cheating to get with him and I found out, boyfriend and I both want to try again
31 comments
Get back with your bf, and never have any contact with your former friend.
She’s proven you can’t trust her, and at this point she should be dead to you.
INFO: did they hook up? If so, how many times?
If they hooked up, I wouldn’t take him back.
Sorry, but I wouldn’t.
Are you sure they weren’t hooking up before she lied about the other girl and you dumped him? I’m a little shocked how quickly he started hooking up with your close friend…
I would move on. I can’t believe you didn’t believe your bf when he told you he didn’t cheat. What proof did she have? Did you see photos or text messages? Or did you just assume she was right and dumped him.
Yeah this sucks. I feel like you’re doing the right things by talking with him and cutting her off, but it’s an emotional rollercoaster of a situation. You’re obviously feeling a lot, but you kinda know what it is you’re feeling. Hopefully he will be understanding if you’re hesitant or feeling overwhelmed. I wouldn’t rush things. Good luck and I hope you have a good weekend!
Inform all your friends about what she did
Has your friend reached out to you or your bf at all since?
Who brought up getting back together first, you or him?
So if you hadn’t turned up they would have slept together?
>I thought he was gaslighting me
That is not gaslighting. It would just have been lying.
Did you tell your boyfriend when you broke up who told you he was cheating? Regardless of the answer to that, did he know she was your best friend? And he still let her come over when she said you were an idiot to break up with him?
>throwawayrschaos My (22F) best friend (22F) lied that my boyfriend (24M) cheated to get with him. How can we rebuild our relationship?
>My (22F) boyfriend (24M) and I were fwb for close to a month and boyfriend-girlfriend for two months. It was only two months but I felt we had such a good connection in every way. Two weeks ago, my best friend (22F) texted me that she saw my boyfriend with another girl at a cafe and they were way too comfortable and she saw them kiss. I was absolutely heartbroken by this and called my boyfriend and asked what was going on and he denied everything. This was my best friend for so long and I couldn’t possibly think that she would lie to me and I broke up with my boyfriend. The last message from him was “The truth is I never cheated but you’ve already made up your mind that I did so I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise. Hope all turns out good for you” I thought he was gaslighting me and I ignored it and blocked him.
>Two nights ago, I was texting my best friend and she said she was at her place but her location said she was in a different town (imessage shows you their location under the contact name if they’re sharing their location). I got curious and looked at her location and it was my boyfriend’s apartment building and I needed to know so I went to his apartment and knocked and she was there. In short, her and I got into a verbal fight, she admitted to lying about my boyfriend’s cheating, my boyfriend kicked her out, and he and I talked and he explained that she asked to meet up saying that I was an idiot for breaking up with him with no proof two days after I broke up with him and things between them started there and he again reassured me that nothing happened while we were together.
>I spent that night with him and I really do want to get back together with him and he wants to as well and I’ve completely cut her out and let our friends know what she did as well. My boyfriend texted me to clear my weekend, pack enough for a couple of days, and to come to his place on Friday after work so clearly he has something planned out for us. My entire ability to trust anyone is beyond destroyed right now and I’m afraid of being insecure and being a bad girlfriend because of this. I never would have thought that I would be in this situation and it’s absolutely draining. What can I do to help with my obvious trust issues and what should the two of us do to rebuild our relationship?
>P.S. I posted this in another server previously and it was removed for some reason. Would appreciate any advice, thank you!
>TLDR: Friend lied about boyfriend cheating to get with him and I found out, boyfriend and I both want to try again
Girl please have more love for yourself. I’m also 22 and if this happened to me, both people would be cut out. Trust me being alone is better than being with people like this. I’m so disgusted for you at the fact he fcked her FOUR TIMES? And that his excuse was that it just happened? No liquor involved? You deserve so much better please don’t give him a second chance. They both made conscious decisions the entire time. Why do you want to get back with your ex? His dck been inside you and your ex bestie are you sure you want to be with that guy the rest of your life?
So within two days of yall breaking up he was banging your bestie? I wouldn’t take him back.
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I would not. It’s awful what your friend did, but for him to be fine with jumping your best friend less than a week after you broke up… I would not want either of them. 2 months is barely anything. He may not have cheated on you, but he sure had no qualms getting with the girl who helped break you up.
Don’t know that I would want someone who would do that. Either they didn’t care enough and had no problem sleeping with my best friend or wanted to get revenge. I mean, what was his plan with hooking up with her? If they actually dated absolutely everyone would think he cheated with her.
Obvious your ex friend is a real devil, but your ex boyfriend also was very quick to sleep with your BEST friend. That would make me question him.
This whole situation sounds riddled with distrust, betrayals and future insecurities from the trauma of it all. I think getting back together is a very hard road and without an extreme desire to go through that (and possibly therapy) this will implode.
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Respectfully If I was him I wouldn’t even have my gfs bff as an option to sleep with regardless of breaking up with me out of nowhere. I’d kick them both out my life smh.
Wait. Did they sleep together when you two were broken up?
Waste of energy to be mad at bf he’s as much a victim as you. All your anger and blame send it to the ex best friend.
Your whole relationship from here on out is going to be under this shadow. I would just start fresh with someone new who didn’t fuck my (ex) friend, personally
You’re at that age where you find out who your real friends are.
You don’t have trust issues, you HAD a crappy ‘friend’. Your reaction to kicking your bf to the curb was rational, I mean you had only been official for a few months and why in the world would such a good friend lie to you. I can totally see myself being like “whew dodged a bullet” because it’s perfectly rational to trust your friends.
* I would suggest in the future having some sort of proof
OP – you’re doing the right thing, kick the friend to the curb, get back with the bf and work on open communication…trust takes time to build and you two have had a big hit…that’s proof that you should at the very least see where this goes. NTA
I suggest you try to let it go. He chose you when he discovered the lie bc he always wanted you. He was heartbroken I assume and everyone I know does silly or misguided things when they are hurt and rejected like that, esp. at your age. If you were both in your forties it would be different, but your aren’t. Give yourself and him some grace, but he needs to make sure she stays gone as much as you do. If he gives her a shred of time after this, that should be your last straw.
I hope it works out, and if it does you’ll be stronger for it.
I would slow down. You spent the night the night you find out she lied to you. Now you’re going out of town together.
Slow way down. Start over from the beginning, go on dates, rebuild some trust. Rushing like this doesn’t help rebuild trust. Both of you have had a hard thing happen, and need time and space to figure out all the emotions that might come with it, and process them. You can’t do that if you’re rushing forward together as fast as possible.
This dude is a slayer
Your “best friend” is a garbage human being
Cut her off and don’t look back
This seems like an awful lot of drama for a 3 month relationship.
> he explained that she asked to meet up saying that I was an idiot for breaking up with him with no proof two days after I broke up with him and things between them started there
I’m probably going to get downvoted for this, but hooking up with your friend two days after breaking up isn’t a good sign. Your friend was clearly going behind your back to hook up with him, and he was ok with that. It comes across like they were using each other to deal with their feelings about you. He’s been having sex with your ex-friend and trash talking you to each other for days. Are you sure you’re really ok with that? Or are you reacting impulsively to a confusing situation?
Idk man, he didn’t lie or technically do anything wrong but I wouldn’t be quick to get back with a man who jumped on the opportunity to fuck my friend the second he got it.
It’s understandable you trusted your ex best friend – why would you doubt her? Hopefully you can move forward with your bf and never speak to her again, she’s horrible
You learned a hard but valuable lesson in life. Sometimes the people we *think* are our close friends, are really enemies, or have such a dysfunctional moral compass that they would screw us over if it meant a prize for them. Also, when it comes to men, there are some women out there that can be real snakes in the grass, but it’s even worse when it’s someone we grew to love and trust.
Moving forward, I know this relationship was brand knew so believing what you were told wasn’t outlandish. However, unless someone is showing some signs (you can research various signs of cheating), then don’t be quick to believe, react, and accuse. Instead, be mindful, keep an eye out, ask certain questions in person, like about the night the cheating allegedly took place, so you can watch and gauge their reactions.
As for rebuilding the relationship, you’re lucky he took you back. Many people would have been very weary. I think this is something that time can help with. He may have lost some security and trust with you, considering how quickly and out of nowhere you accused him of something then flushed the relationship. But as time goes on and if the relationship proves habitually healthy then sense of security and trust will likely rebuild.
Last, your (ex) best friend really has a lot of nerve showing any anger towards you considering the scummy thing she did to you, and more specifically your boyfriend. Your friend group has every right to know what a snake she is so she never has another opportunity to do anything like this to them again. If she doesn’t want to be humiliated by her own broken moral compass, then it’s as simple as learning how to be a decent human being.
She has an iPhone, which has a camera. If she were telling the truth, she would have sent you pictures. You didn’t even ask about that, did you?
Frankly, I don’t think you’re ready for a committed relationship, so you should be focusing on individual therapy for yourself right now. Otherwise this is the kind of thing that will keep happening.