My family is financially comfortable. My parents worked all of their lives, sacrificed greatly and made investments that allowed them to better their lives substantially. I grew up in a nice house in one of the nicer neighborhoods in my city (not mansions fancy but upper middle class for sure), my siblings and I went to private schools and each had some amount of success in life post college (entirely funded by our parents). My mother left my sister(47) and I (30) an estate that we rent and put the money in a joint account (as per my mother's wishes) for big life events/emergencies/investments.
My soon-to-be-husband on the other hand grew up with less. He lived only in rentals until his parents could afford to take out a loan and purchase an apartment ( a 2 bedroom for the parents and 2 boys). His family does not always get along but for the most part they are good parents doing their best. After his father inherited a decent amount of money (after his uncle passed away and left him a piece of land that was quickly sold), he sent his oldest (my husband,32) abroad to have a shot at graduating college. Upon his return, the dad also helped him put a down payment to be able to take out a loan in order to set up his practice.
We met 5 years ago through friends, and started dating 3 years after, & we ve been engaged for 9 months now. His mom does not support our marriage saying things like: " you get to be this man bc of me" or " you chose her over me" or "there are plenty of girls who would love to be with you, dont get married now otherwise you ll regret it " and many other things that show (based on my fiance's father) she was hoping he d better the living conditions of his family rather than seek to create a new family.
The day of our engagement party, she told me it's a mistake to get married this soon after opening his practice and that he has so much debt it would wiser to just wait to get married. I helped my fiance set up his company and get clients, as well as have been supportive of his growth (even when it had gotten really really hard).
Now, my family is helping me furnish our newly rented apartment as it's been the tradition in my family. Newlyweds always get to pick and choose and each person covers part of their list, either by giving them cash gifts or allocating funds from shared assets.
While picking up kitchen appliances my partner insisted we should get the cheaper options to "save up" on the money my family members are gifting us (in the form of paying themselves mostly). His family is not contributing in any of these purchases, which I dont mind but tbh im slightly annoyed with.
Here is my problem: I dont like it when he objects on getting nice things he s not paying for, bc as he says "we dont want to be a burden"; while my family members have always talked about setting up their offspring for a comfortable life as a pleasure and a privilege to be able to afford.
Frankly, I don't know how to handle it, and would like another perspective.
Ps: – we re getting married next week, we opted for a small dinner ceremony at my brother's restaurant. In order to not spend money on a wedding, my fiance suggested we just go to the court house and have a normal dinner with my parents then go to his parents the next day for lunch. My brother convinced him we do something more celebratory at his restaurant (all expenses covered by him ofc) to which my fiance said "well, if it makes you happy just go ahead, as long as it's on you".
– he is a good man, cares about me deeply and always treats me well; it only gets weird when it comes to money (especially when it's my family s financial gifts or treats).