hi everyone my bf (24m) and I (22f) have been tg for around three years now. we both just graduated and ive been working full time for awhile now. My bf is almost turning 25 soon and all he does all day is just play video games.
I completly understand that everyone takes their own pace with careers and whatnot. Ive been letting him stay at my apt throughout college basically rent free. He wakes up everyday at 2pm sleeps at 6am just sitting in front of the tv playing video games. I always try to encourage him to start his resume/certifications but he just gets upset and complains that Im just bringing this up so he would turn off his game.
I’m not sure what to do anymore. I’m almost three years younger and I’m the only one with a stable career & he isnt even trying. Again, I totally understand that everyone has their own pace, but is it even worth trying to get him to start applying?
tl;dr not sure what to do with my boyfriend and his future
19 comments
Better question: why are you tolerating this?
Dump him. Find a suitable partner. Stop paying his way and stop making excuses for him.
It’s not your job to help him grow up. You aren’t his mommy. Stop letting him live rent free. He needs to contribute.
Ask yourself “What does he do to make your relationship good for you? How is he contributing so you two grow together?”
It’s time to break up. He’s okay with you working hard so he doesn’t have to. That says everything you need to know about how he truly feels about you.
You need to stop enabling him and put your foot down.
He likely needs to be assessed for depression – escapism and refusal to participate in the “outside” is fairly common. But in the meantime, tell him he has X time to show significant progress or you will need him out of your house. No excuses, no delays, he contributes or he leaves.
> Ive been letting him stay at my apt throughout college basically rent free
You’re not his girlfriend. You’re his mom. Nothing about this situation will change until you change something.
I’d start with a requirement that he needs to start paying rent. Give him 30 days of runway before the first payment is due.
There’s going at your own pace, and there’s not going at any pace at all. Right now, he’s stagnant.
He’s become comfortable with you instead of transitioning into adult life. Kick him out, he’ll thank you for it later. Or he won’t, but you’ll thank yourself later!
No need to break up, just get him out where he can start developing some personal responsibility.
He hasn’t done it and he’s not going to . If you’re OK with living with a sponge, that’s your choice. If you want something to change, something has to change…along the lines of “You need to be working and contributing to this household or I will need to evict you.”
why has he been living off you like this?
I hate to tell you this but you’re enabling him. You have to be real with him and tell him things gotta change or he has got to leave (I’m assuming it’s your apartment since he doesn’t work). Best of luck to you I’m sure the situation suck especially if you care for him.
charge him rent. dump him. anything but letting the older man live rent free as your place!
Try asking him, “why do you play video games all day instead of finding a job”, but ask out of curiosity not out of emotion because when a woman is upset her SO is tries so hard not offend her that he doesn’t be truthful. Not saying you’re emotional or not when asking, nothing you have said indicates that. If his answer doesn’t suggest and or indicate that he plans on changing in two months.
A man without a job doesn’t have a purpose and Marcus Aurelius said “every one needs a purpose or they sleep until noon”.
What’s his degree in? It’s not unreasonable to but have a job now at like… 1-2 months past graduation, but he certainly needs to be searching. Is he putting out applications daily? If not, that needs to be the first step. If he can’t manage to at least be trying, it’s therapy or get out, imo.
Sounds like you’re in a different life stages him. He’s 24 he doesn’t need to grow up he doesn’t need to have that many responsibilities at that age. Sounds like you should move on and grow up yourself
Ultimately there’s no reason to grow up until you start having responsibilities and need to grow up.
Kick him out. You deserve to be in a relationship with an adult.
Gee, where do I get to sign up for this? I want to do nothing but be a lazy slob who sleeps and plays video games 24/7! Yeah, I had my knocks mentally and you know what? I didn’t get babied or told “there, there, you do you, boo.” I had to make a living and somehow function in this crazy world. Your lazy, enabled BF needs a kick in the ass. And if that doesn’t work, his worthless ass can hit the bricks. And his video games can go with him.
You need to leave him for his own good.
I went through this EXACT situation- I was years younger, the only one with a stable job, and he played video games and smoked all day. I enabled it, paid all the bills even though I was struggling financially, and just kept trying to be there for him.
It does more harm than good.
Things finally ended and it put things into perspective for him. He no longer had me to rely on, and had to work to survive.
Now, he is doing soo much better for himself. He works, has motivation, etc. That would’ve never happened if I had kept enabling him. It’s hard- one of the hardest things I ever did. But it was the right choice.
Charge him rent. Or better yet, send him home to his mama’s and SHE can charge him rent.
My ex was- and still is- like this. We were together for a year and 3 months, and he played a crap ton of video games, didn’t get his license. He had a job but couldn’t keep one for long, and jumped from living situation to the next. It’s been 3.5yrs since I broke up with him, he’s 26 now with no license, no car, still can’t keep a stable job or and keeps burning through his housing bridges.
People like them don’t just “go at their own pace”. They intentionally mooch off of others so they don’t have to do the work themselves to move up in life. My ex mooched off me, and his countless roommates. Your bf is mooching off you.
Break up with him.
Yeah don’t take this the wrong way, but he’s not going anywhere in life.
25 years old, living off his gainfully employed girlfriend, plays video games everyday…
Don’t take this the wrong way, but at 25, usually people have a burning passion to accomplish something or try anything, looks like he isn’t motivated nor has any pride regarding his life.
This dude is probably depressed, and isn’t willing to face the music, like a lot of young men.
The reality is he will be doing the same thing at 35, 45 and so forth unless he gets his act together.