May partner '40/M' and I '40/F' have been together for 10 years. Two summers ago he borrowed a pack from a bisexual M friend who had left some remnants of a prior encounter in it. When he borrowed the bag he went through it before packing and we found some remnants of a previous encounter his friend had before lending him the bag. These underwear and mini bottle of lube were not mentioned at the time. My partner was embarking on a cross country trip with a stop to see his adult kids who live with his ex wife.
4 days ago:
We had a bug scare and he was out, so we agreed before he left that i would work on bagging the contents of our closet until he returned. I thought i was being helpful by checking the hiking bags before putting them in plastic. I found those items stuffed in his stocking cap. I asked him about them when he got home, prefacing gently that if he was unhappy with our relationship or wanted to talk about anything like seeing others we could discuss it.
He got upset that i went through his things, disregarding why i did. I told him that looked bad on his part and it was mostly dropped after he assured me there was no cheating and had never been. He said they were in the bag when he borrowed it and he was afraid to throw them away because if i found them i would get the wrong idea. I said complaining about his privacy and hiding them for over a year, in his own hat of all places was not the way to handle that.
He brought up privacy violation every day for the next 2 days. On the third day i awoke and asked why he didn't snuggle me after work. I told him i missed him sorely with his new, late work shift and felt cast aside his whole birthday weekend while i attended to pest control and talking with our roommate about it. It started him screaming at me, eventually rushing at me as i stood still and cried. He forcefully grabbed my unmoving arms and sgoved me into the door, making me cry harder. When i told him he just put his hands on me he said he would do it again and did, leaving dark bruises on my arms.
This is obviously the end, especially after the barrage of messages he sent while i was working, accusing me of sleeping around on him with cited occasions. I have never cheated on this man.
I'm now tempted to ask the friend who loaned him the bag if the undoes belong to the girl he was sleeping with at the time. I'm also considering asking the ex wife if they're hers. I need to get tested regardless, but I would like to at least have an answer as to where these came from.
TL;DR Found ladies underwear in a hat buried in a bag my partner borrowed