I’m gonna keep it short. Found out my girlfriend created a pornhub account a few months before we got together. That’s fine, I don’t really care. But what I do care about is the fact she uploaded a video of herself masturbating to the site three months into our relationship. I found this out about five minutes ago. She never actually did anything with anyone physically, at least not to my knowledge, but this has crossed a boundary I’m not sure I’m okay with. Would you guys call it cheating? Or at least really messed up and worthy of breaking up over?
29 comments
I wouldn’t consider it cheating.
But if it’s crossed a boundary for you that’s valid and you can break up for any reason you want to.
Have you talked with her about what you each consider cheating? Different people have different ideas. If you knew she had a pornhub account, then she may have felt you understood she was going to post stuff there…and that it wasn’t going to be knitting socks.
You get to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone who posts such videos; it isn’t objectively “messed up” or breakup-worthy. But you might want to take more interest in what people mean if they talk about having pornhub accounts.
Definitely not cheating, but if you are uncomfortable being with someone who wants to do that sort of thing, that’s ok. You just need to talk to her, explain how you feel and what you are and aren’t ok with. If she decides this is something she wants to keep doing that’s ok for her and you can then decide if it’s something you want to stick around for or not.
It is cheating to show yourself to people without your partner knowing, if you sent a dick pick it would be cheating right? Just because she expose herself to stranger doesn’t make it less cheating
+if she’s doing this behind your back, what else doesn’t she tell you?
Different relationships have different boundaries for cheating so you have to decide if that’s how you feel about it. In my relationship it is not an issue. Make sure you talk to her about how you feel and what you expect the boundaries of the relationship to be so she can too and you can know where you both stand.
If you masturbate to porn yourself would you call that cheating? If she does it and you watch it too? What’s the issue?
I don’t know if I would consider it cheating as much as I would crossing a major boundary. It’s like discovering your significant other does hard-core drugs. It would be a deal breaker for me.
Ask her if the next time she does this she could tell you. So you can be in the loop.
I’d call it cheating, yes. If she didn’t ask you if you were alright with her exposing herself to other people like that, then yes, she has forbade your trust.
You’ve also learned that your gf is willing to lie to you (by omission) and sneak around behind your back. What do you expect her to do once you’ve confronted her? She’ll likely just be sneakier.
Ultimately I think a lot of commenters are really downplaying this. Do you really want to date a girl who’s got videos of her dildoing herself online? What if you friends/ family/ coworkers/ enemies find these videos? It doesn’t make you a bad person to have a problem with that kind of thing.
I see in a comment that she herself considers it cheating; you consider it a crossed boundary; either way, she’s capable of doing something that she considers cheating, and you at the very least consider a crossed boundary. Someone capable of that is not long term relationship material.
How did you find out and what does she say about it?
Based on the info given, she’s doing this to make money. It’s work.
It’s *her* body. You might not be comfortable with how she chooses to use it to pay the bills, but if she’s not interacting sexually with other people (ie sexting or hooking up with) it’s a stretch to call it cheating. I can understand being upset that she didn’t tell you about it, but I can also understand that she’d be afraid of your reaction and decided it wasn’t worth the risk of losing you over it.
People have a tendency to shame sex workers for their jobs, which makes little sense to me. It’s a job, not reflective of who she is as a person. I don’t talk shit about the garbage man–I’m grateful there’s someone out there doing that work. They’re not sub-human because they deal in trash (or porn).
Yes
F
Anyone got link?
Anyone got link?
Good news, YOU get to decide.
Bad news, you HAVE to decide.
It’s up to you. You must know that some people have open marriages where they have full-on sex with, & even are in love with, other people. They do that because it works for them. Does this work for you? Figure it out, & talk to her about it. See what she says. Maybe doing this is more important to her than you being happy. Maybe she’ll be sorry. Maybe you will find it turns you on. Maybe you guys will land on a “don’t ask, don’t tell, as long as it’s just video” situation. You have to figure out where you’re at with it, & then talk to her.
I don’t think this as cheating, but if my boyfriend did this I know I wouldn’t feel good about it. I consider cheating to be kissing, sex, creating another emotional bond with someone even if it isn’t sexual per say. Maybe you two should talk this out a little, if it’s a relationship that you see a future with.
I don’t know if it’s cheating, but it strikes me as incredibly…cheap.
Cheating is just about crossing boundaries in the relationship with respect to sexual or romantic stuff so yeah this is cheating. It’s possible that she genuinely just didn’t see the problem and this could actually be easy to fix, but if she knew you’d be uncomfortable this is just hard cheating and I’d probably break up with her.
Also to add to another comment I saw, sex work is something that needs to be discussed in a relationship. Doing sex work without telling your partner definitely is crossing a boundary and the work aspect doesn’t excuse it.
People here are being a little gross. Pornhub is a revenue stream for cammers and models – it’s a *job.* It’s *work.* And it’s perfectly legitimate work. If her uploading was a boundary and she was doing it before your relationship began, it’s kind of on you for not communicating better about how you felt to give her the opportunity to decide if she wanted to stop for the sake of the relationship.
If you’re icked out, there are more women in the world who don’t cam than there are women who do. Your options are open.
Cheating to me.
It’s a sad sad word
I *personally* wouldn’t call it cheating (since she’s uploading it onto a legit porn site, not sending nudes to guys she knows). However, if that’s still a crossed boundary for you, that’s still totally valid.
You just have to decide if it’s worth breaking up for, or if you’re alright, so long as she doesn’t do it again.
It was intentionally kept from you so yeah I’d consider it cheating.
If a SWer is goin to be with someone they have to be honest about their profession as there’s a lot of things they do that in any other context would 100% be cheating i.e. sending nudes/videos to others, flirty messages, etc. Due to the nature of the work it’s going to toe the line of sexual monogamy inherently and outright cross boundaries for some folks in what they find acceptable in a monogamous relationship
There’s plenty of monogamous SWers who make their relationships work regardless of the profession, however, it works because they’re honest with their partner about what they do.
Bro send me the link and I’ll tell you if it’s even worth getting upset over.
You have always a question about how to deal with this. I think the main issue is is to understand your partner. Three months is a relatively short time in a relationship – and it is clear she has some exhibitionist tendencies – that she was not ready to disclose to you.
All that said – I understand you feel upset – however I would not call this cheating as – cheating is (at least in my books) where you emotionally or physically interact directly with others. You could argue it is a bit messed up – but then I read your old comment :
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KennytheBoatGod
3 points
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27 days ago
Glad we’re all the same haha! I’m in absolute awe of my girlfriend every single day, I was before she was pregnant, but these days, I feel totally obsessed with her. I’m so in love with that woman, she has absolutely no idea. Don’t get me wrong, some times have been challenging for me and especially for her in the pregnancy, but she is so stunningly beautiful and I feel so lucky to have her each and every day. I hear from other comments that it gets even more intense after birth, which I don’t mind one bit lol
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You clearly have a girlfriend you love – and it follows that you are also having a child …
The problem is that you put your gf on a pedestal – and using the old proverb “The higher you climb, the harder you fall” is leading you to be even more disappointed when she does things like this.
She did not cheat (in my book), She is messed up (at least somewhat) – but I think it is time for you to forgive her.
If she is an exhibitionist – then the question for yourself is to decide – do you want her to close of a part of her self – or you accept she indulge this part of her self under your supervision and agreement.
The point for te future would then be – if she can stick to the agreement – then your relationship is fine – if she cant – well then you need to rethink the whole thing again.
Still remember – no direct contact with persons -no cheating (in my books) – and you have a child showing up – sometimes it is worth being forgiving to peoples failures.
It’s up to you if you consider someone watching her masturbatie is cheating.
It’s up to you if you consider someone watching her masturbate is cheating. it might not be cheating or it might be. Depends on how you feel. But she did cross your boundary and that’s pretty bad too. Idk if it’s worth breaking up for. Depends on how the rest of the relationship is going and if she would do it again after talking to her. And loads of things.
I might not call it cheating, but it 100% crosses my boundary. And that can be just as bad. In some cases, one might need a break from that person.
I wouldn’t call it cheating, per se, but personally I wouldn’t be okay with it. The question is are you okay with it? Would she be okay with it if you did that and she found out later?