Hi, I am (19 M) currently in a long distance relationship with someone (20 M) whom I met on a dating app. My first relationship. We have been in a relationship for 5 months now. And I have been happy for the first few months of my relationship. However, recently I have found myself continously losing my feelings for him because :
I didn't know what I was getting into because this is my first relationship, I didn't know what I wanted yet and how hard LDR was going to be.
Recently to maintain our relationship we used to video call each other at least 6 hours a day and also spend some quality time together. However due to college and the severity of both of our semester, we haven't been able to spend quality time together recently or get a chance to meet up (we live 3 hours apart). Especially because our schedules conflict with only Sunday being our free time together.
I have already told him that recently I have been losing my sexual attraction towards him, so we no longer engage in any intimate actions with each other. And recently I have told him that my feelings for him might fizzle out if this continues on for much longer, so I set a date after our exams to see each other and decide then.
This is unfair I know, but a friend of mine who I've known for a year now suddenly showed signs of interest in me and throughout the months we had gotten close (We weren't that close before) I developed feelings for him. Now I'm conflicted to what I should do.
I love my current boyfriend, but I couldn't see myself lasting more than a month with this kind of set up, let alone years later when he promised that he would live with me, once he found a stable job.
In my relationship I have found that the way I want my partner to express love to me is through physical touch and quality time. However both of those I do not receive from my boyfriend anymore.
But what has been holding me back is the thought of what ifs. Through these five months I've seen how he growed, through taking my advice and some more. I taught him many things, and he adopted all of them, working out, eating healthy, being active in the academics, all those to make me happy.
However, what I'm looking for is really someone who would be able to keep up with me, I am an over achiever and I have strict plans for my self I'll admit. So I want him to grow with me, to stand as my equal, however what I have really proven so far, is how easily I have dominated this relationship. Every word I say is final, he doesn't even want to decide for himself, he wants me to decide for us, because I don't know maybe he just love me that much and want to do everything I want. But, look where that has ended, me controlling the whole relationship.
To be honest, I don't think I am growing any more as a person in this relationship, as it felt like I have poured so much into this relationship that all my motivation to help him just feel like work now. But with all that said, I Love him, if there was a world where we were closer together I wouldn't be feeling this way, But that isn't the case, I want to end it, but I am scared.
What if I don't find someone else?
What if I find someone who is a lot worse?
What if I didn't know what we had until I lost it?
What if all the progress he's done as a person, would all be undone…?
What happens to him after I break up with him?
I've promised to stay with him forever. I might be over dramatic but I just feel so lost.
I am meeting him this Saturday. Help me find a decision.