Recently, my 3 year relationship came to an end. I think the blame is largely on me, as I put all my faith, stability and well being in the hands of my boyfriend (28m), and so I forgot to water my own grass. It might seem a little bit abstract but I simply got comfortable and didn't work on healing my own wounds (childhood and generational trauma, past relationships, etc.) Through no one's fault but my own I now realize I put my own hobbies and desires aside, I rested in the fact that if we were together, everything would be alright. And see being this needy, this focused only on your partner actually doesn't make you a good partner. Sure, had he been someone mean and manipulative he would've taken advantage of the fact that I would've been willing to cut off one of my limbs if it meant we would be together, but luckily for me he is a kind, mature and loving man, who saw that I wasn't growing alongside with him, but rather clinging onto him for stability. This neediness made me anxiously attached, it made me sometimes jealous, it made me eager to commit to things we realistically were not ready for, it made me feel like my life was at risk whenever he brought up something that bothered him… it all came from this HUNGER to be loved because I did not love myself. And I deeply regret it, though I'm trying to get rid of the guilt because I know it won't lead me anywhere. But if you're in that place –and I see so many posts where someone is overthinking things, overreacting, unhealthily attached, etc.– I beg of you, seek help before it's too late. I personally definitely needed professional help but had been putting it off because it's expensive, BIG mistake. If you love this person, if they love you in a way that is healthy, there are so many little things worth fighting over! Be present, we only live each moment once! Go to therapy, journal, meditate, go to a retreat, do whatever you need to do.
It's too late for me now: I ruined something amazing because I didn't take care of myself, because I didn't tend to myself, my inner child, my wounds, I didn't rest in myself. I'm doing the very best and I have found some peace but I still miss him so much and suspect I will for a long time. I wish you luck in your journey, love your partner but, most importantly, love yourself, the ability to feel safe and at love and at peace with the universe resides within you!
tldr; I ruined my relationship through not taking care of my own well being