I’ve been single for over 2 years. I’m in my early 20’s and I haven’t even been on a date in that two years. I feel like I’m wasting away the prime of my life being alone doing the same thing day in day out and have nobody to share my time with. I’ve been on many dating apps with no luck and I’m very shy when I go out for drinks with friends, although I rarely go out. I really want to get to know someone and spend quality time with someone and hopefully make them very happy. But I just don’t know how to find anyone. I feel very alone all the time and it’s very deflating.
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Dating apps are garbage but many people use now days
Hell, I loved being single and was until I was 31 or 32. Whereas I fought being attached to anyone seriously, when I met my wife and partner, I just decided to let shit happen as it did. That was 27 years ago and we’re still together. Sometimes you just have to let life happen and ride the wave. Or, as Hunter S. Thompson said, “Buy the ticket, take the ride”.
Since you’re in your early 20’s my advice is just have good friends and enjoy life. Don’t even try for anything serious until you are in like mid 25’s and have your life together. That’s my advice for men and females
Start by getting involved in stuff outside of the workplace. Join a book/movie club, a civic organization or a local arts group. To find these, Google them. Once you found something that catches your eye, start attending their events.
To meet people, you have to *meet people*.
Being single in my 20s was awesome, but you do need to make the effort to meet people, or you will be wasting your prime.
Prime of your life is 35 bro, you’ve got time
Wait, so you’ve been single since around that pandemic then? I think what your feeling is pretty common and many people are feeling disconnected still as we get back into the swing of things. I’ve been adjusting to being single though by getting into passions. I do blogging, hang out with friends more often, go to church, started a podcast, and exercise a lot. It helps keep me focused and less anxious about dating. I do want to put myself out there in the next month or so.
Google “slump buster dating”
Focus on yourself bud.woman should never be the main goal. And ask any woman desperation is one of the worst looks and they can tell. Focus on yourself,your happiness,your goals,your success. Once you’re in that position you gotta learn some type of game(talking to woman) and practice. Hell you might even happen upon Mrs.Right once you’re doing it.and men don’t peak at 20 bro you gotta decade or so before you mature into the best version of yourself IF you put in the work.
The prime of your life will be better spent mastering skills outside of romantic interests. As other people have mentioned go out and pick up some hobbies you can enjoy by yourself. Continue to be social and focus on building platonic relationships with people.
Join groups and be more social so you’ll meet lots of people and make friends. Eventually you’ll meet someone you like more than friends. If your goal is just to get a girlfriend so you won’t be lonely you’ll end up in a bad relationship. THEN you’ll really regret wasting your time.
When you try to force it.. it never works. Literally just go eventually you’ll meet someone. I regret not spending more time being single in my late teens and early 20s
LOL the prime of ur life is NOT ur 20s as a man. its in ur 30s. because women like older men. they think ur more mature, more experience and prob got a solid job at that point. chill out.
besides. why r u so desperate for a relationship? u forget, good AND bad come with a relationship. so maybe u should focus on how single is can also be a good thing
I bought a sex doll. Close to 40 now and have been living without sex or intimacy my whole life. It’s still on my bucket list but at some point we just have to accept that life is not what we want it to be.
Ask a girl on a date? If you’re a Virgin, just dont put pussy on the pedestal
You’ve just gotta realize that you’ve got game and you’re someone to be desired. The nerdy shit you do makes you unique. Own that shit.
Single for 2 years? Those are rookie numbers.
I just want to say thank you to everyone that commented. This is one of my first posts on Reddit and I was hoping maybe 1/2 people would reply. I never thought I’d get this many responses. Thank you everyone it really means a lot😊
2 years is nothing. I’ve been single since highschool and I’m almost 30 now.
I was single for 26 years. Got in to a meh relationship for 5+ years that I didn’t see any future in just because I was afraid of being single again (among other reasons). After that ended I started talking to other girls for a few months. Picked a girl. Started doing my old stupid insecure shtick again. Read a book called “No more Mr Nice Guy”. Realized that despite being a decent guy I also had toxic behaviors, most of which stems from my insecurities. Dated more girls, but this time I felt more better about myself. I then decided that I knew what girl I want in life and if I don’t meet her I’m okay with being single for the rest of my life cause I knew what it meant to be with someone who was not a good fit for me. That helped me deal with being single. After a few months though I met my dream girl and we’re making plans to get married soon 🙂
Your prime years you don’t wanna be tied down,go out travel, explore, put your rod in some foreign poon, drink, experiment lol bro if I could go back to my early 20’s I’d jump at the chance. Time flies by once you get those responsibilities, enjoy your youth, make mistakes, and make your memories you’re only young once get every ounce of it that you can
There’s more to life than being coupled up. Here are two things I’ve learned.
Everyone puts value of romantic love with the biggest weight and I get it we’re animals wanting to breed and enjoy companion ship but that’s not the only form of love. There’s self love (which is the most important one), family love then love from from friendships.
I’m enjoying my singleness I have plans of moving to Paris, I am learning new skill sets like learning bass guitar, photography, pottery etc. And I’m focusing on my friendships.
Make you’re life I retesting cherish the people you have in your life right now and I promise you you’ll find people being drawn towards you.
Sorry for the typos I’m on my phone
I’m usually quite busy with my hobbies. Trying to force myself into a relationship sounds terrible. It comes if it comes. If your life sucks without a partner, it will most likely suck even with one.
Take it from a guy who stayed in a bad relationship for 15 years because he hated the idea of being alone and others thinking less of him for it. *Don’t* get into a relationship just to be in one to validate yourself! Date, sure. Get to know people, get to know yourself, but if you’re not ready? You’re not ready! And that’s okay!
I didn’t really start dating until after I finally left that relationship and I met my soulmate in my mid 30’s so there’s no “right” or “wrong” time to find a match. Let go of *needing* another person to validate your existence, buddy. You’re already plenty valid all on your own! And the sooner you come to believe that in your heart of hearts? The sooner you’ll have a *much* easier time talking to women, I promise.
Half the battle to successfully asking a lady out starts before you even *meet* her! You’ve gotta get right with you, and not see being single as a “failure” because it isn’t and you aren’t! If you’re shy or have a hard time talking with people? Start with that! Go and meet folks and *get* better at talking to people!
Socializing is like a muscle, if you don’t use it, it’ll fade. The better you get at it? The more likely you’ll meet and connect with women organically! There’s no silver bullet, no magic dating app that does it perfectly (but they love to tell you they are and take your money), it’s just *you*, my man!
Case in point, I found my wife on the non-premium Plenty of Fish app, which is just a cesspool of spam bots and bs, but we put in the work, went on several dates, and it grew into something amazing! Phrase to note? “Put in the work”. Haters will say “easy for you to say, you *have* a wife”. Well guess what? I didn’t always, it was hard, I nearly lost her and screwed it up several times, but we both put in the work and we *still* are.
Stop focusing on the destination that all the haters obsess with and focus on the journey, *your* journey! There’s no true ‘finish line’, because if you DID find your “one”? Then what? What happens after that? What makes her your ‘one’? If you get good with yourself and face each moment instead of obsessing over a hypothetical ‘perfect’ person who spoiler alert, doesn’t really exist, then you won’t *need* an instruction manual because most of those connections will come naturally.
Don’t give up my dude, I know we guys are fed a lot of tripe about being less than or “momma’s basement dwellers” if we aren’t in a relationship, but that’s all a crock! You are more than enough right. now. Exactly as you are. If you wish to grow further and explore new things? That should be *your* choice and nobody elses. You don’t owe it to the world, you don’t owe it to friends or family asking when you’re gonna get a gf or give them grandkids, focus first and foremost on doing right by *yourself*, and the things involving others will come naturally.
It gets better my friend, I promise. *hugs *
You want to know when the prime of your life ends?
When you stop taking care of yourself. There are so many dudes who look better and feel better in their 30’s versus their 20’s. The 20’s are often a time full info insecurities, mistakes, and trying to figure yourself out in life.
If you are willing to commit to working on your goals, stay in shape, become confident… you’ll stay in your prime for a while.
I’ve seen dudes at 35 look better than those at 25 and it all comes down to lifestyle choices and ambition
use the western MAGICAL remedy – get theraphy !
Nah, just kidding
first of all, you gotta understand that there are lot of girls precisely in the same situation as you. your only job is to find where they hangout online with the advantages you have in connectivity and more importantly, learn to LOWER your expectations. dont expect someone way out of your league as everyone would love it that way
I’ve been single for seven years. If I meet someone compatible then maybe we’ll date, but remaining single doesn’t seem like a big deal. They say the grass is always greener on the other side, but the grass seems pretty damn luscious on the side that I’m on.
I’ve been single for over 10 years, sexless for 12 ( dead bedroom marriage). At the start I tried OLD, IRL dating but quickly found out that women over here in Europe either always date up ( never across, and definitely not down), or they’re were looking for a free meal ticket ( some are with me then excused themselves to go to the restroom and never saw/heard from them again!), or told me during the first meet up that they wanted x number of kids and a guy who would pay for everything ( women are very direct over here in Europe).
All my female colleagues only date up and several share the same guys because their male colleagues ( with similar educational/ professional backgrounds) ‘just aren’t worth the bother.’ ( their comments).
One of my colleagues is a very attractive, highly intelligent, ex model and Oxford educated 43 year old who I’ve known for the past 10 years. She’s turned down all her male colleagues, doctors, dentists, senior engineers, , two IT directors, a professional DTM race driver, because she prefers to share her lover ( an Italian vineyard owner) with three other women ( all younger than her). She knows he’s got other gf’s but believes he’ll eventually stop his playboy ways and marry her so she’s been his part time gf for a decade now… She refuses to date any man with a similar salary/ education. She earns 200,000€+ a year but categorically refuses any man who earns a six figure salary ( only wants her Italian vineyard owner). He flies her out to him once a month then swaps her for his next gf.
Very sad.
I fill my life with bringing up my two children, International travel ( 35 countries and counting), kart racing, volunteering for a womens charity, reading, cinema/ restaurants/ theatre/ opera on my own, hiking, camping, touring Europe with my antique cars, cooking etc. Lots of activities.
However, despite all this I’m not a catch for European women so I just have fun and enjoy my own life.
Get used to it. Most Men (Average men or less) are lonely and sad nowadays. Just how things are. I’m 25 and I feel lonely as fuck. Haven’t dated or had sex in 5 years. I’ve had a friend w/benefits 4 years ago, but all she did was blow me and swallow. So… I guess oral sex if that counts. Recently (a month ago), I was also jerked off by an Asian masseuse girl too so that may count as well I guess. Listen bud, men like us have a hard road before us. Being young, our sexual value is the lowest it will ever get. Right now we are both scavenging like bottom feeders. Dying of sexual/intimacy starvation. It hurts. But if we survive… If we can make ourselves “above” average men… Then maybe at 30, or 35, or 40 we will have the sexual options we deserve. But for now, all we can do is work. Accept our loneliness as a sign of the times. These very strange self-centered, lustful, onlyfans times. We must find our true friends. Stay close with family. And try our best to remember that we deserve love. Try our best to not base our feelings of adequacy/inadequacy on the amount of sex or relationship partners we can have. It’s a hard task. But possibly possible.
Throughout history, men have always felt proud of their acquired resources, strength, status among society, and possession of available sexual mates. They hinged/built their pride/identity on these things. And fought tooth and nail to acquire these staples of “masculinity”. I and you and men across America/the world over aren’t unlike our ancestors. We still want the same things. But these are weird and especially challenging times. So we must… Adapt. We must accept deprivation, desperation, longing, pain, sorrow, and any DNA/societally ingrained sense of inadequacy that comes in our path. But we must not identify our worth with these feelings or thoughts. Because if we can not distance ourselves from them, then we shall carry a sense of shame, of not being “seen” or “heard” or noticed. Of not being important and valuable (Deemed by society). Of not being as “worthy” as only the top “10%” of men who are making 100K+/year. Mind you, a man with low self-worth/self-perception is a danger to himself and to the world. These men are the ones that “Act out” of their frustration and harm others. And/or are the men who allow others to degrade him because he already feels unworthy. A type of man who out of his perceived weakness can be manipulated by others. A man not used to receiving attention, “respect”, or sex, can easily be manipulated by women who are used to receiving all of these things in spades. A man will feel “lucky” to receive anything he gets. Crumbs to the starving are but a buffet. This will inevitably put him in a lack/scarcity mindset. This mindset is very, very dangerous. Even without a penny, you need to feel rich. Even without sex, you need to feel pleasure. Even if society deems you incompetent you need to feel complete. Even without prestige, you need to present yourself with ease. It is not an option. It is a dire lethal NEED for you to feel good about yourself. For you to see yourself in a positive, amazing, worthy way. It’s literally dangerous if you don’t. You, me, and every man on this planet need to hear this message…
You are worthy of love, adoration, affection, investment, and praise. As am I. As is every man on this planet. Don’t let this foolish world fool you…
If you’re just looking to get laid, then get on Tinder and put “hookups only” in your bio.
If you’re actually looking for a relationship, then you gotta understand that Being single isn’t something you need to “get over.” It’s not a condition that you need to “fix.” I choose to be single right now in my life so that I can focus on my goals. I spent my 20s focused on finding a wife and constantly trying to make shit work that wasn’t supposed to and bending over backwards for girls just trying to live the same stereotypical life as everyone else. But a relationship is not 50/50, it’s 100/100. And so are your goals in life. I could “change it” overnight if I wanted to, but it wouldn’t be fair to someone for me to be 100% focused on my goals and not on the relationship. Likewise, it wouldn’t be fair to me to focus 100% on a relationship while I still have goals to meet. You gotta decide where your focus is in life. Are you financially set? Do you have reliable home, car, family, friends, job? Do you have any emotional issues you may have in check? Because those are all things that you should expect from a spouse, so you need to have all that stuff, too. Relationships don’t last when they are constantly worrying about money, time, kids, immaturity, chasing their own goals, etc. you gotta make sure you got all that covered before you worry about a relationship.
Once all that is covered and you’ve decide that you’re ready to focus 100% on a relationship, you still shouldn’t be focused on it. People put too much focus on finding a mate. You shouldn’t be looking for a spouse anywhere you wouldn’t want your spouse to be. I say all the time “If you find your spouse drunk in the back of a bar at 3am,” then you’re gonna have a “drunk in the back of a bar at 3am” type of relationship. When you find the right one, you’ll know it. You shouldn’t have to go through life constantly viewing everyone as a potential spouse and then trying to make it happen. The one that is right for you will always find you. You just have to be real with yourself about what you need out of a relationship and wait until those needs are met.
And trust me, you haven’t wasted your prime in your early 20s. I felt the same way when I was 24-25 and thankfully I’m almost 34 and still enjoying my “prime.” Just take care of yourself, eat right, exercise, supplement, moisturize, take care of your teeth, make enough money to support yourself, take care of your mental, and you’ll find that your prime goes on way past your early 20s.
Get drunk
Find fulfillment in doing things alone. I know it sounds cliche and I know humans are social-beings, but if you’re unhappy when you’re single it wouldn’t make the dating process or even relationships better. It is brutal in this day and age. Self betterment is the key. Do it to improve your own life and not the intention of getting women. The question you need to ask yourself is would you want to date you if you were someone else? Be honest about it. A partner should also add value to your already successful life and not be your main source of fulfillment.
With improving yourself, you will eventually become a man that women want. I don’t know your story, but this may be working on your body and being in better shape physically, or working harder at your career/hobbies/other crafts, or even working on your wardrobe and confidence.
You can keep trying to date and maybe still find someone worth finding, but I feel like if it’s not been a success, there’s no harm in taking a step back and working on yourself. And I mean consistently, with purpose. Some people give up too quickly because they don’t see results, but your quality of life is destined for greatness if you keep working on it. GL.
I actually *like* being single I used to get really lonely, but now that I have friends to hang out with and a cat to cuddle, I can just do what I want without having to check in with my girlfriend or anything. The only way it could be better would be if I found a partner who gave me lots of “me” time, and we just went on trips together when we felt like it. Also I’m 32. You’re 20. We’ve *both* got our whole lives ahead of us. Just relax and have fun and remember that traditional relationships are old news.
You’re nowhere close to your prime. For men, that starts at 35 and goes on for a few decades.
Focus on your career and self-improvement, make those prime years awesome by being awesome when you get there.
Buddy when you never been with anyone then come back and talk to us here on reddit. But seriously you learn to love with it and be happy and learn that your happiness isnt tied to someone
Look here man. I’m 27 and i’m single for +/- 5 years now. I have a fulltime job that takes away a lot of time that i could spend on other things. But it is, what it is and we have to pay the bills. So when i do have free time i try to do things that i like to do for my self (hobbies).
So right now i don’t feel like i miss something in my life. I can do things for my self and that makes me happy.
There are a lot of people around me that are getting married or are married. They’re starting a family etc. They are even younger than me. Sometimes it makes me think that i’m “wasting my time”, but at the same time i don’t need any of that right now.
Maybe this can help you out a little bit. 10 Years ago i was a trainee on a construction site. My boss was a a kind, funny man and he always helped everybody out. So one day he asked me if i had a girlfriend. At that time i didn’t have one so i said no. He asked me why and i told him that i wasn’t busy with that kind of stuff and that i was more focussed on my study and hobbies.
So he told me this “i was just like you when i was at your age. Wasn’t interested in it. Now i’m almost 50 years old and i’ve found my girlfriend a few years ago. We are very happy together although we don’t have kids. You don’t have to really push it at a young age to find a partner. You could be spending years on it. Instead spend it on yourself, develop yourself, improve yourself and maybe you’ll have better luck then.”
This isn’t an answer to your question, but it could be some kind of advice from a different perspective.
Nobody has been on a date for a while. It is hard at that age anyway and the pandemic made it much worse. Try not to take it personally and build the other aspects of your life like, get in shape, do some talk therapy, join a club and make more awesome friends. If you do all that, things will shift and when the right one comes along, you’ll know what to do. Best of luck, my friend.
20s aren’t your”prime”. Men peak later, women much sooner.
25 now been single since 20.
First, there was heartbreak. Then I focused on other things. By no means am I in a good place but dating and love – while important – are not things that decide my happiness. There’s just so much more to life than constraining myself and suffering due to it, to a single aspect.
How you get to that realization is different though. Just me telling you doesn’t mean you’ll think “right, problem solved”, hell it took me about 2 years. Not saying it would take you this amount, after all your experience might differ.
Finding out what you like to do and what’s meaningful to you is a good start, but it may easily include sometimes harsh self-reflection. Harsh doesn’t mean you have to dwell on your mistakes and shit. It means you’ve got to be hoenst with yourself. It helps in learning from past mistakes and aim your gaze at the future.
Wow you just described my life… I mean 3+ years for me but yeah…
I was single for 20 years,now I’m in a relationship for a year and a half,before my current relationship I was the same person as I am now ,a bit different but very little I think
I’m scrolling tinder every once in a while and i kinda get the impression that some just grab pretty much the first one they meet and have a baby while they can, age range between 22-32. And it’s really not a good idea. Take your time and work on yourself, cause if you rush into finding a woman and walk around worrying about it it’s gonna show, and ladies don’t seem to think that’s attractive. A relationship is supposed to compliment your life, not rule it. Don’t make it a requirement to be happy.