Today is my 32nd birthday, and for the fifth year in a row, my husband forgot/ ignored it. Despite the many calendar reminders and explicit discussions about my birthday a few days ago, he still forgot it.

When we were dating, he’d compliment for me being low-maintenance, and I thought this was something to be proud of. But now I understand that your partner praising you for being low-maintenance can also mean “I’m glad you have low expectations.”

The bar is so low but he still manages to crawl under it. Every year I remind him that all I want is a card and $5 grocery store flowers, just so that I know he didn’t forget, and he can’t even do that.

Because I accepted this pattern of behavior when we were dating, I apparently also accepted never having my birthday/ Mother’s Day celebrated. I go all-out for his birthday and Father’s Day. Every year we have a discussion about how his actions hurt me. I try to prevent this from happening by discussing expectations in the weeks and days leading up the event, and still, nothing.

Raise the bar, ladies!


37 comments

  3. Happy birthday! Sorry that is really hurtful, I’ve been in the same place as you. I ended things with my ex so i have no advice to give you but I hope your day gets better. Go out with friends and have a good time, leave him behind

  5. Happy Birthday!!! But you don’t have to accept this as your fate in life. You get one life, why be miserable in it by choice? Now circumstances can always be a factor as well but that doesn’t mean they are insurmountable. Find joy, don’t accept this misery.

  6. Happy Birthday Lady!!!
    My man forgot mine last year, then our anniversary……..
    Waiting to be forgotten again this year……
    Cheers to you!

  7. Why are you complaining though? When you could just leave, you’re still young too. What could possibly be worth staying for

  8. Happy birthday beautiful! Take yourself out for dinner even if it’s alone. You deserve so much better

  10. Happy birthday. I’m very sorry that you settled. I hope you have plenty of other friends and family wishing you a happy one and offering to celebrate! It always bothered me so much when my ex forgot my birthday.

  11. Happy 32nd birthday! I’m so sorry to hear that your husband forgot again; that’s really frustrating, especially when you’ve expressed your feelings about it. It’s tough when you give so much and feel like your needs aren’t being met in return. You deserve to feel celebrated and valued, especially on your special day!

    It sounds like you’ve been really clear about your expectations, but it’s disappointing when those discussions don’t lead to any change. Remember, it’s never too late to raise the bar for yourself. You deserve a partner who acknowledges and appreciates you. It might be worth having another conversation about how this pattern makes you feel and what you truly need moving forward. Wishing you a year filled with the love and recognition you deserve!

  12. Why are you not leaving him?

    I was in a similar situation. Don’t wait 11 years like me. XD

    My mom used to live in Italy for most of my marriage. We never visited her because “it was too expensive”. The year after our divorce he took his hew girlfriend to Italy. 🙃

    He doesn’t care about you. Don’t waste your youth on him.

  13. Happy Birthday!! I know its hard, but do less for his birthday. Tell him his next birthday will be as equally celebrated as yours was.

  15. Happy 32nd birthday! Go home and refuse to lift a finger all day! It’s your day! Relax and treat yourself with love and respect

  16. Ya, the standard you set early on is exactly what you will receive later on. I have always been called high maintenance and i always took it a compliment even if the intention was to insult becasue i knew the only guy whining are the one who wouldn’t do bare minimum.

    You can still change your situation by not whining or complaining. Stop making big deal out of Father’s Day/his birthday. Make big deal out of your birthday/Mother’s Day. Buy yourself gifts, take your out with friends. Show him how you want to be treated by treating yourself. You are giving him everything while he gives you nothing and that’s why he doesn’t care

  17. Happy birthday. Why stay with him? You’re wasting your best years on him.

    I’m sure you’ll probably use the whole children excuse, but do you really want your children to learn that accepting the bare minimum is ok?

  21. Amen sister. HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY you amazing gorgeous woman!!! You deserve the world!!! From an ex wife that put an end to a shitty husband.

  23. that’s a really low bar, and totally expected of him…

    shit, tell me 1 time and I remember it for life, it’s not hard to remember 1…

  26. My late husband was a cheating AH but he never forgot an occasion. Always cards, flowers, gifts and dinners. My first birthday after he died was devastating. I’m very sorry your husband forgot. I understand the hurt.

  28. Happy birthday 🎉 🎁🎁🎁🎉 get all dressed up and take yourself out to dinner. When he asks where you’re going, tell him “ I made plans for my birthday since you never do”. And walk out the door. See if your family wants to meet up or a friend and go enjoy your day. Don’t wait or waste another birthday hoping he will be a decent husband, you only get so many birthdays so enjoy.

  30. Go out and get yourself a really nice, really expensive gift.

    If he asked about it, tell him that since he didn’t give you anything, you got yourself something.

  31. Honestly I don’t think he forgot. It’s deliberate and I’m not sure you’ll ever really know why.

  33. My husband did this. One year I LOST IT. Threw all his shit in the hallway for him to move into another bedroom.

    He hasn’t forgotten a single holiday, anniversary, or birthday since then. If he did, I’d probably have a bonfire next time.

  34. 1). Happy freaking BIRTHDAY!!! 2). Time to stop celebrating his. I mean seriously, save that money you use on him and have a big blowout for yourself! Don’t invite him either. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

  36. I hate to say this but this may be a reflection of you. Why are you putting up with shit behaviour? Is it low self esteem, not thinking you’re worth it, ect? I’m sure this isn’t the first time this man has showed his ass, yet you constantly stick around while not receiving anything back. The first step is getting some therapy. Maybe it will help you figure out why you let others think so low of you. Remember if a man wanted to he would. He just doesn’t care and is ok with receiving gifts and praise from you while you get nothing in return.

  37. Woman, come on. I’m 33 and my fiancé makes me feel special every birthday. It’s his birthday in 2 weeks and I’ve bought him lots of presents he wants in advance and will bake him a cake, he does the same for me. Before him I spent 9 years with a guy who couldn’t care less, I’d have to give him money to get me some cheap flowers. Don’t do what I did and waste time on a guy who doesn’t care

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