I have severe social anxiety for many reasons but more recently I am realizing that a big reason is due to the fact that I can not articulate myself. I have suffered from prolonged anxiety and stress. I think this has had a huge impact on my memory. Which is why I struggle to explain and express myself effectively. Even if I’m just trying to explain a simple thing or tell someone a short story. It’s like there’s so much I want to say but i literally don’t know how to. I can’t think of the right words and I remember things very vaguely. That leads me to responding to people very vaguely and that gives me anxiety because then they’ll think 1. I’m being rude and short. 2. I’m just super boring and don’t know how to converse 3. I’m just too dumb to speak. I see other people speak so freely and express themselves so well. They can be asked a question like “ how was your weekend” and they will be able to tell a whole story with details and everything. And if someone was to ask me I’d probably say “Um.. it was good I went out to dinner with family” but that’s it because anything else I wouldn’t be able to explain and remember without thinking about it harder. And if I try, I take long pauses trying to think of the words, I get anxious and end up not making sense. So I avoid saying anything more than just a sentence. I also hate that my vocabulary is very limited and I feel like I always use the same basic words. I feel like I have the social skills of a 16 year old and I am 24. Social anxiety is something I’ve been trying to overcome for so long.
A couple of months ago I got a job as a receptionist I thought this would help me improve my social skills since I am talking to people everyday day. I will say it has eased me social anxiety in some ways but over all it is still there. Maybe this is because I am just asking and answering the same types of questions everyday it’s kind of like reading a script. I’m ok with small talk too but once it goes more in depth I struggle so much. I thought that working with more professional/social people would help me learn but I just find myself wishing I could communicate like they do.
I have had my speculations that I could have adhd or maybe even be on the spectrum. I have seen 2 different psychiatrist’s, tried plenty of different medications and even did therapy for a few months. Medication never helped. I found myself dreading therapy sessions because of my social anxiety so I didn’t continue it. I am starting back up with a new therapist next week though. I’m feeling so hopeless and depressed. I’m at my lowest point in life. I’m so scared I’ll never be able to function like a normal adult.
I’m worried that my memory is messed up for good. Im hoping if I do improve my mental health it will get better.
What are other things I can do to improve my memory? Maybe vitamins? Meditation? I heard blueberries help.
And any ideas on how to improve my articulation and vocabulary?