Me and my Girlfriend have been dating for a while now. I’m virgin, she’s virgin. I’m her first kiss by the way. I’m the first guy to kiss her lips, touch her private parts, etc… We’ve been making out recently. After some time, I found her flaking if I invite her to go into my house (Which the place we always make out) but if I take her on a date, she goes with me, just that she doesn’t want to go into my house. I felt she was genuinely scared, as time passes by, she became cold and distant. Until we talked about it, she told me that she was mad at herself for giving away what was never been touch of her, she told me she felt like that was the only thing I want, that I only want to try to have sex with her and that I didn’t love her, she also told me she really didn’t want making out with me, but she just did because she loved me. Right now I felt like a creep for always initiating all our making outs, as it felt like I took her innocence. And now she asked me space to think about things more and wants to be alone for a while. I genuinely love her, I don’t see myself with someone, just her. What should I do to keep her? Or to make her not to leave me?
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Listen to her. You back off. Take her on dates. Stop inviting her over. stop trying to make out and have sex with her.
Do the opposite of what she literally told you was the problem.
If she leaves you, let her go. Learn the lesson and let her go
You can’t make her not leave you, but you need to learn this lesson in consent. You need to make sure anything you are doing with someone is enthusiastically reciprocated. That means asking and checking in.
Yeah I’d say back off and let her make her mind up. You do seem to be very pushy with your feelings and she may not be as enthusiastic, she may feel that she wants to just relax with you but that she is forced into sexual situations every time you see her, which might make her uncomfortable. It might just not be a match. It’s not that one or both of you is in the wrong. You might just need to look for someone who reciprocates your actions.
Unfortunately, you might not realize how pushy you might have been with your physical affection. Consent should always be enthusiastic, but you both are treading unknown waters and have to learn communication within a relationship, especially with sexual intimacy.
>she also told me she really didn’t want making out with me, but she just did because she loved me.
This comment is hurtful, and the appropriate thing to do is back off and come back at a later time to discuss this. Unfortunately, young women in young relationships tend to feel like they need to be sexual in order to keep a young man. I hope she learns that she does not have to and I hope that you can communicate that to her. But you do need to give her space to think and you should also reflect on your own actions. What can you do to get that enthusiastic consent? Talk about your intimacy outside of the context of said intimacy. Make sure she knows she can have those boundaries and you will back off if she asked to.
Well, give her some damn space, dude!
And don’t initiate anything sexual going forward until she does first!
Clearly she isn’t ready. Leave her alone
She sounds super lame
“I’m so sorry that I was insensitive and didn’t realise we were lacking enthusiastic consent. Everything is in your control, you make all the moves, when you are ready. I enjoy spending time with you and getting to know you better”
How long have you been dating and how old are you guys?
If you don’t want her to break up with you, and you’re serious about this: first thing first, don’t cut off communication. Stay friendly with her, stay affectionate in your text but not sexual. Be affectionate as in, you care about her wellbeing, asking her day, talk to her, exchange the happenings in your life, listening, etc. If you’ve been doing that with her, don’t stop it just because she’s not ready to be sexual with you.
Then when you do ask her out, just have fun with her. If she doesn’t mind holding hands, just keep to that level. If she doesn’t mind kissing (not making out), from time to time, keep that level. Basically ask her beforehand, what level of intimacy is she ready for because you will want her to be comfortable and not at all trying to force her.
Ask for consent as in, ‘Can I hold your hand?’ Or ‘Is it okay if I kiss you?’ type of questions so don’t just assume. Tell her that you want her to set the pace for whatever intimacy she’s ready for.
Good luck.
While you of course need to respect boundaries, she also has a responsibility to say no in the moment. This can be hard for a young girl and it sounds like she is regretful about not doing this. I would be certain you guys share the same values about having sexual contact before marriage.
Donot be desperate.
I don’t think you are a bad person, sex / physical display is extremely important to most people.
You are perfectly normal so don’t let anyone make you a villain. You are NOT a villain.
There are some people for religious, past trauma have a lot of baggage in this area.
I would suggest that you are simply not compatible in a very major aspect of life.
Honestly, just because you think you love someone does not mean that you are compatible.
You have a girlfriend, you get to know each other and most times it ends.
Don’t over think it too much , move on and enjoy other relationships to get more perspective of other people.
You are only very young adults, don’t get tied down to your first relationship. You don’t really know what is true love just yet.
Good luck on your journey and be strong.
Intimacy is more than just sex. Make sure to hug, cuddle, kiss, etc without always expecting it to turn sexual. Take it slow, you are both young. Good communication is key, let her know you understand how she feels and that you respect her boundaries. Thank her for being honest and let her know you want your time together to be a safe space, not one she feels pressured in