How do I make friends with American neighbors ?

36 comments

1. Yeah you can introduce yourself to your new neighbors, sometimes people bring food but it isn’t as common as in the movies. This also depends a lot on where you’re moving to, generally people aren’t going to be as receptive to it in a city, although depending on the neighborhood it might be just fine. I wouldn’t do this if you’re moving into a big apartment building, don’t just go knocking on people’s doors haha.

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3. I have only had someone bring something (cake, cookies) as a house warming gift. That being said, I only remember one move. You can definitely do that, but not common. But socialize. See someone waiting in line with you? Start small talk. Its better than waiting in silence usually.

   And go by body language and enthusiasm. Of they dont seem to want to talk or anything, dont force it. But if person seems to like talking with you, you can always invite them to do something. Like bowling. Or just grabbing some food.

   A lot of Americans will make it apparent that they dont want to talk.

4. At least in my area, it doesn’t seem that normal to “force” interactions with your neighbors like that. Before my wife and I moved into our house, we were in an apartment for two years and I couldn’t even tell you what my neighbors looked like, let alone their names. I’ve only met a few of my current neighbors and that’s only because we happened to be outside. Everyone’s been very friendly, but people seem to keep to themselves to the most part.

5. As others have mentioned, traditionally your neighbors would have brought you something, but that tradition has fallen out of favor.

   But if someone shows up to my door with cake, I’m not going to be mad about it.

   Make a point to strike up conversations with your neighbors and invite them to do stuff.

   Try to join some clubs/groups. Volunteer organizations, bowling leagues, take a dance class etc.

6. Read the room and see if people are open to talking.

   Thsi is something I’ve found challenging moving from a more urbanized area to the burbs. In the urban areas I’ve lived, back yards aren’t much of a thing but rather the front porch is a thing and people seem to be do their gatherings there. Especialyl for front porches closer to the sidewalk, it is super easy to interact with people while walking by.

   Here even though I live in an urban part of my suburb, there’s almost no front porches. Even in the old neighborhood near me, everyone has a back yard. The one person I’m really social with is the guy who sits on one of the high traffic benches with his dog. Good guy, but I often don’t see him unless the weather is warm.

   Also don’t limit yourself to whoever is in your actual neighborhood. Go on bike rides and chat up people at the bike shop. do other communal activities. Go to church if that’s your thing.

7. I walk around my neighborhood everyday and I pick up trash as I go. When my neighbors saw
   Doing it they came out and said hello so we were hello/wave friendly. Then when a hurricane came and we were all together without power for a week we really bonded.

   I don’t know what you need to do, but what worked for me was putting myself out there and the ppl came to me in whatever they felt comfortable with.

8. When you move in just go knock on some doors and bring cookies. Say hi. Introduce yourself. Say you just moved in. Have some cards or just slips of paper with your phone number on it and give them out.

   Then if you see people around say hi.

   It isn’t rocket science but it takes a little finesse.

   Some people will want nothing to do with the friendliness and others will be excited to chat a bit.

   It can take some time. I also make sure to get names. If someone says their name is John make sure to remember it. Then when you see them in the street or wherever say “hi John how are you.” It’s the little things that get people to remember you and talk.

9. We value privacy but we’re friendly too. You’d be best suited to catch people while they’re outside. Spend time outside, you’ll see them eventually. Compliment their landscaping or ask a question about the area, “Hey where’s the best pizza place nearby?” or “Your begonias look great! Where did you get them?”

   Knocking on doors can be seen as a bit more invasive. I generally don’t want to be bothered.

10. It’s possible your neighborhood might have a Facebook page. Mine is moderated pretty well and there’s some community events organized by the group.

11. You can literally just be like “hi! I’m so and so. I just moved in (point to your house). Great to meet you!” Then make generalized small talk. Ask them questions. Etc.

    > Taking a cake to their house is one of my ideas.

    FWIW, if you did this to me, I’d graciously accept your cake, but then try to give it away or something. I hate cake lol

12. everyone’s different so there’s no way to know for sure. there’s nothing wrong with going to a neighbor and bringing them cookies, or inviting them over for dinner. they may or may not take you up on it.

    just try to be aware of their situation first, like if they have a baby and you ring the doorbell and wake up their kid, that might not work out well. if you share a land border, waiting until you see them outside to call them over to say hi could work, too.

    if there are any neighborhood events of some sort, or local community groups, that can be a way of connecting with people. you’ll be more likely to connect with other people that go out more, for one. though you may end up not connecting with your direct neighbors.

13. Have a grill? Set up where neighbors will smell some wonderful foods of your culture and offer them a taste when they smell the wonderful aromas…

14. Knocking on doors can be a little weird, honestly going on walks and just friendly chatting is how I know my neighbors.

    Don’t be overly assertive, it can be seen as creepy, espically around children. Just relax and let things come naturally. I’ve seen people try to force things and it’s both awkward and possibly creepy.

    Usually people open up more and more you interact with them, good luck!

15. Seems like the best way to meet neighbors is to do shit in your front yard and go on walks around your neighborhood. This will give you unforced opportunities to interact with your neighbors who are also doing shit in their front yards and walking around the neighborhood.

16. I met all my neighbors by doing stuff outside the house. Gardening, mowing the lawn, snow shoveling, walking around the neighborhood. Bonus points if you have a dog.

    If you’re a guy, opening the hood of a car or setting up tools in and around the garage is like an invitation for all your male neighbors to come over and see what you’re up to. That’s a good place to start.

17. not long after i moved in to my current house, i noticed my neighbor digging up a bush in his yard. went over with two beers, said, “that looks like thirsty work,” and offered him one. after we chatted and he went back to his work, my wife said, “you know how to make friends, that’s for sure.”

    so look for them to be outside, and have something to offer. even if it’s just a smile and friendly talk. if you never see someone in a particular yard, you can ask the other neighbors if they’re old or not social or something.

18. In the warmer months I keep my garage door open and say hello to everyone that passes by. If they stop and chat I’ll offer them a beer. Always free beer in my garage. I also keep some Coke and bourbon just for my nextdoor neighbor, even though I don’t drink it. Also make sure to invite them whenever I’m throwing a party or gathering.

19. Just say hi when you see them outside. It’s easier in the summer when people are out more. Best time is if they’re doing some kind of minor yard work or something else that doesn’t require noisy power tools, talking to them usually doesn’t interrupt what they’re doing and they’re more likely to be willing to talk for a bit.

20. Not a cake or anything, but when my new neighbors moved in they started bringing me vegetables from their garden. I thought that was very kind and we’re friends now.

21. I would recommend joining an organization with like minded people. Could be a softball or kickball team for some added physical activity, could be a book club or dinner club. I like in a pretty small town and we have Plenty of groups to choose from. Once you start meeting people your group will expand pretty quickly. We’re private with strangers, but once we know someone or meet someone with a mutual friend we’re much more open.
    Also, meeting people as an adult isn’t always very easy (for any of us) so don’t be hard on yourself if some people initially don’t respond how you anticipate or it takes longer than anticipated.

22. I would not bring a cake over. It sort of depends on the neighborhood. If you are in a friendly area, your neighbors will introduce themselves. I always make an effort to introduce myself to new people.

    Cookies, pastries, snacks are typically shared on holidays like Christmas, halloween, Easter, or thanksgiving. This year 4 neighbors brought my family cookies for christmas (it is not unusual to receive a welcome to the neighborhood pie, but that is unidirectional)

    If you are renting it will be harder because the mindset is temporary. I smoked a lot of pot with my old neighbors when renting. A few became lifelong friends.

23. I bake.

    But something smaller than cake, like muffins or scones.

    It’s old-school, but when I tell them it’s my hobby and that they’d be doing *me* a favor by taking baked goods from me, it usually goes over well. People love to feel helpful.

24. Cake has never hurt my feelings.

25. Everyone will react to things differently. Your idea isn’t necessarily bad, but also don’t be surprised if someone declines it.

    If youre going woth a small gift, then right now, with the pandemic, I would not suggest a homemade anything. Perhaps something like some flowers or a nice picture frame or a cute mug with some prepackaged hot chocolate (or another treat), or something along those lines. Small, not expensive, simple.

    Google “small welcome baskets” for some ideas of gifts. Obviously you’ll get some crazy or expensive results in there too, but focus on the small things and get one item (rather than the whole basket worth of items).

26. “People that walk, talk, and quack like me”

    I didn’t know America had a significant Sentient Duck-American community. Would it be racist if I asked you if you knew Howard or Donald?

    In all seriousness, just wave when you see them in their yard, say hi when they pass by, strike up small talk when they don’t seem too busy, offer help if you see them struggling. One thing I like to do for my neighbors is make sure their trash is out on the curb when I take mine out, and if it’s not I wait until its late enough that I’m sure they’ve forgotten and put it out for them. Americans are a bit like deer or rabbits, you gotta build up trust with us with little interactions over time or you’ll spook us and we’ll run off into the woods (jk!)

27. If you have a dog, walking your dog can be a great way to meet people. I brought cupcakes when our neighbor moved in. I don’t think you usually do that when you are the new one but I don’t see anything wrong with it. Find out if there is any neighborhood group on Facebook. A lot of neighborhoods have those.

28. Go to a local bar and just start talking to people. Many neighbors do not want to get to know you.

    I only started meeting my neighbors because I sit on my front porch to smoke cigars, so they have no choice but to walk by me a bunch of times before it’s awkward for them to continue ignoring me.

29. I hate to say it, but if I see neighbors outside I avoid going outside at all costs.

    I have severe social anxiety, and would get ULTRA stressed out if someone came to my house, even with a gift offering. I would feel obligated to do something in return for them, but wouldn’t have a clue what to do.

    Then I would probably agonize over what to do, come up with nothing, then feel terrible for not returning the favor. Then assume my new neighbor hates me, and realize I still have the dish they brought the gift in/on. Would I appreciate the gesture? Absolutely, 100%. I would just overthink it to my own demise lol

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m accepting of people from all walks of life, and I’m super outgoing if I’m at work or somewhere not at home. But at home, I’m a total hermit lmao.

30. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Freeze

    If you feel like you’re having a hard time, it’s not you.

31. The Seattle freeze is real. We are polite, but content with our insulated group of friends. The Seattle metro area has also been particularly COVID conscious, so even with the mask mandate lifting, I imagine that people will be more standoffish than in other places. I agree with others, though. As the weather warms and people are routinely spending more time outside, it’s easier to meet people. I will say that I have never bothered to meet my neighbors in an apartment, but was more intentional about it when my partner bought a house.

32. Ask if they know how to barbecue. Then say you’d like to learn. You’ll make a fried, and get a nice meal.

33. Seattle isn’t America; that’s your first problem. It’s…. Something *else*

34. Ok, I’m from Seattle, and I love Seattle, so please understand when I say we aren’t the warmest people. We like other people just fine, and we’re the first to help in an emergency, but it can take years to be invited over to someones house even if you speak with them every day. Think Finland. That level of cool. Smile, wave, introduce yourself, all great. I would probably find community groups if I wanted to make friends. I honestly don’t know what I would do if a neighbor invited me over, probably struggle to find a way to put it off then we’re both uncomfortable.

35. I’m in the seattle area too, you should know the seattle freeze is real. The many little areas the spring up being homogeneous really is insular as you mention and keeps others from joining and allowing and difference in. But I’ve found the best way to make friends regardless of race, gender or age, join a group. For me, that was soccer teams and archery. What are your hobbies? They’re great for meeting people and making friends. Good luck!

36. I wouldn’t bring food over or go knocking on doors, but this really depends on the local traditions of the area. I’d go with the suggestions of spending time outside your place and saying hi to the neighbors you see. Also take walks (without headphones). Even better if you have a dog. When you meet people that way, lend yourself credibility by telling them your name and where you live so you won’t be seen as a random creeper. “I’m John Smith and I just bought the house on the corner” is better than “Hey. I’m Joe. Nice car.”

    If they’re walking by your place or you see them often because they live the next house over, after one or two casual hellos, introduce yourself. Tell them you’re new on the block and would love to meet the neighbors. Acceptable topics where I live would be a friendly “Which place is yours? Oh the house on the corner? I love all the flowers you have out front.” Or asking about their pet in a complimentary way. “He’s adorable. What kind of dog is he?” You could ask if they work locally, if they know if there’s a local farmer’s market or dog park or whatever. You could remark on the weather or tell them briefly why you moved there. Remember their name for next time and use it. Remind them of yours next time in case they forgot. You could ask if there are any block events like a cookout or any online groups for the neighborhood or street.

    Stay away from religion or politics. I moved to one (small town, southern) place where most people you met would say “ . . . and where do you go to church?” It was considered normal for the area, but I hated it! It was like they wanted to put you in a box or see if you were acceptable under the guise of “getting to know you.” Gross. Other people told me they were just being friendly.

    Keep it brief and if someone isn’t very social, don’t take it personally. We have neighbors who are great people but very introverted. In person they only say Hi and scamper on. They really value privacy. However, we know them online and from work and they’re actually friendly and fun. Anyway, sooner or later you’ll meet the chatty ones, so don’t worry.

    At Christmas, it’s totally acceptable in many places to take over some baked goods, especially handmade cookies. When our neighbors’ pets die (we are connected to most of them on FB), we often leave a card and a houseplant or flowers on their porch expressing our sympathy. Lending tools back and forth and asking the neighbor with the security camera if they could check and see if UPS stopped because they insist your package was delivered but it’s not on your porch—all are things we do on our street. Life is better when you know the people around you. My dad used to say this, and I thought he was so old-fashioned but it’s true.