Hey peoples!
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago after a 2 year relationship, she said that she loves me very much and that I’m her best friend but she thinks it’s the best decision for her. I love her dearly, she’s the love of my life (or at least I thought so), I was devastated. When she told me, I was caught by surprise and understandably I reacted extremely emotional. After a couple of days I asked her if we could meet again to talk some more because it would be incredibly important to me because now I had the opportunity to calm down and to think about all of it. I also told her that I respect her decision and that my intention isn’t to change her mind but just to talk. First she agreed, but then she cancelled and said that on the one hand she would like to see me but on the other hand it would be too emotionally demanding cause she’s really hurt too and that she needs time and space and that we can meet in a couple of weeks.
Now to my, maybe trivial, question.
Today is my birthday, we didn’t have contact since those messages and she wrote:
“Dear x, I wish you all the best for your birthday! I think of you and send you a big hug đź«‚”
I know, it’s a simple bday greeting, nothing between the lines. But I really don’t know how I should or how I want to reply or if I even want to reply at all, because there is a lot of anger in me because it hurt me so much and I’m still incredibly hurt and because I wasn’t able to reply to anything she said.
Maybe I’m overthinking.
**Edit:
I should also add that she said during our last conversation (in tears) that she knows it’s a dumb thing to say now and she knows she can’t demand it or expect an answer, but she doesn’t want me to leave her life, she wants to know how I’m doing and she also said that she can’t be there for me during this time but she wants to be there for me in the future.**
tl;dr
Girlfriend broke up with me, I was caught by surprise, wanted to talk things thru (while respecting her decision), she accepted but then declined and so I didn’t have closure. She just sent me the first msg after 4 months of silence to congratulate me on my birthday.
Dunno how to respond or if I even want to respond because I’m still so hurt and angry.
28 comments
In my opinion you either don’t answer or simply send her (thank you) to let her know that you received the message
I’d say if you choose to respond it should just be a “thank you” and nothing further. I also would understand if you didn’t respond at all. She probably just thought she was being nice, but it sounds like she should’ve just not.
Your either don’t reply at all or you reply with something very low effort such as “thanks”.
Then you continue on with moving on with your life. That’s it that’s all
Just say thanks and move on. Anyone that decides to let you go the first time usually doesn’t deserve more than a polite comment back.
Remember your self worth, my guy. Don’t agonize over someone that doesn’t think you’re worth keeping. Evict her from your mind since she doesn’t pay anything towards your happiness.
Just say thank you, but not “thank you” but “ty”
Just politely thank her and wish her all the best. If she’s really interested she needs in getting back together or giving you more closure she can do more than a happy birthday text
Don’t spend time or emotional energy on this. It’s a vague courtesy, not an opening to talk through things now. Ignore it if you want, or just say “thanks”, and leave it at that. If you’d prefer she not contact you at all it’s fine to tell her that, too, but keep it short and clear.
Don’t reply, whats the point to be played around, just a way to f with your mind when she sets you up to fall again, move on you’re worth more
. Tbh I wouldn’t send anything back because she didn’t give you enough respect to meet with you that one day. If she ghosted your like for real don’t respond, no need to. I believe she is most likely over you and by you replying it will only hurt you. I would have deleted her number after a little time if she ghosted me and so should you. Have self respect at least since she didn’t have it for you. It’s been 4 month, you got to let it go and with enough time away from her you will be fine, no need for closure anymore.
just stop man. you don’t need closure.. she abandoned the relationship and ended things.
Doesn’t matter if it was something you did or she did. it’s done.
Just don’t say anything. Lord forbid you do anything **emotionally demanding**.
I wouldn’t answer.
She didn’t give you the time of day months ago, why should you now. Tbh you should just block and make keep her in your past. Don’t let people live rent free in your head OP.
Block her.
Doesn’t matter why she contacted you.
The key thing here is that you showed her your heart and she decided it’s not good enough for her. She threw you away. She does not want to be with you. Remember that.
I think you should just respond with a ‘thanks’, add an emoji if that’s how you communicate. Polite but not engaging. You’ve found a thread that you can either ignore or start to pull. For your own sake it’s best to just leave it. Replying something like thanks is better than ghosting because this way you can just forgot about it, whereas if you don’t respond you’ll probably keep thinking about it and second guessing yourself
It really is nothing more than just a birthday greeting and you’re probably just overthinking it. Just respond with a simple “thank you” and/or a “đź‘Ť” react and be done with it. From the looks of things, you still seem pretty hurt about her and I can completely relate and understand. Back when my ex girlfriend of 5 years also dumped me to go back to her ex before me because she was apparently “still attracted to him physically”, I was broken and devastated and hated her for the longest time (don’t get me wrong, I STILL hate her guts) but I’m over her now and just straight up don’t want anything to do with her now.
It took me three years to get where I am now qnd I’m glad for what happened, and trust me, so will you. If she tries continuing the conversation with a general “how are you?” or some other trivial small talk with you, don’t respond at all. She wished you a happy birthday and that’s the end of that. She doesn’t need to know anything else.
The Grass wasnt greener on the otherside.
That’s why she said that she loves you when she broke up.
To have you as a back up plan. Sounds nice , isnt it? If you respect yourself you dont go back
Reply with thanks after 3 days!
Commenter here already said it. Just say thank you and move on. Don’t engage or worse start any other conversation. Nothing for you to gain. It was a bad breakup, that’s it, that’s your historical marker in the page of your life’s history, leave it in the past.
Well either she is just doing it as a common courtesy to show she still cares a little about you and to just be a little friendly. You guys did date for two years so I can totally see someone thinking “oh it would be nice to say happy birthday. It’s not like we are enemies.”
BUT, she COULD be trying to make contact with you now and this was a very easy and reasonable way to do so without abruptly texting you something out of the blue. I don’t know her at all so of course I’m just listing the possible reasons, but who knows.
You have three options imo :
– don’t answer; which basically tells her you dislike her or don’t want to talk
– give a short “thank you”
– give a more meaningful thank you such as “thanks so much! I hope all is well with you!”
I know if I were in your position her message would be sending my brain for a spin and trying to decipher any possible meaning behind the message
Do whatever feels right to you. I’m just here to say (reinforce) that her not willing to sacrifice any of her emotional energy to help you with your (arguably greater) emotional struggle, after such a long time together, was mean and self centred on her part, and she doesn’t deserve your emotional energy should she ask for it in future. You can reassess this if you can be sure she has changed her ways at some point.
**Edit: I should also add that she said during our last conversation (in tears) that she knows it’s a dumb thing to say now and she knows she can’t demand it or expect an answer, but she doesn’t want me to leave her life, she wants to know how I’m doing and she also said that she can’t be there for me during this time but she wants to be there for me in the future.**
Don’t reply. Block her. Move on with your life and be happy.
Further contact with her will NOT be good for you.
I think cut off contact till you feel okay not being with her. She left you. It doesn’t sound like you’re over her. So it would be best to not talk with her at this time.
If you choose to respond I’d say “Thank you and I wish you well”. It’s very pleasant but it subtly closes a door (phrasing is important, “I hope all is well with you” leaves a door open to discuss how well or not well it’s going, “I wish you well” is more final).
Of course if you want to reopen communication (I wouldn’t but it’s your life) then I’d go with “Thank you so much, I hope all is well with you”. Nice subtle balance of leaving the door open but not asking her to enter. I wouldn’t do it though.
I’d avoid a thumbs up emoji only. To me it’s subtle shade and that does you no good. Sarcastic. That might just be me (and my on again off again which we both took the same way). Kinda like “K”.
You sound like a young guy. Listen to someone who is probably a decade older than you, MOVE ON. Stop. You probably won’t listen because when I was your age I wouldn’t either.
She sounds like her attachment style is fearful avoidant. But I am not an expert.
I was in pretty much the exact same scenario and I think you should ignore it and block her personally. Any continued contact is just going to cause problems for you and make it harder to move on.
“f*ck off”… is what I’d be tempted to respond with to someone who broke up with me, then said it was “too hard” for them to meet with me one last time to get some closure (but also said please stick around in my life for later, when I’m ready to acknowledge you) and then went 4 months of no contact.
Saying nothing at all is probably the better option.