My bf of almost 3 years and I share a very loving yet difficult relationship this pandemic going through long distance and adjustment when he flew here and we lived together. Then I also went with him to his city (a plane ride away), we fought a lot because the culture was different and I had a lot of adjusting to do. The fight was to the point of us cursing and shouting and me packing my suitcase and almost leaving. Apparently that hurt him a lot because he really chased me and almost pleading for me to stay.
Anyway, I was due to go home to my city and we are in a long distance relationship again for about 2 months now. I called and told him I can fly over again to see him in a week. But he says he needs about 2 weeks to prepare “mentally” since he’s also working 3 jobs now.
I was surprised and wondered why he isn’t as excited to see me anymore. And he just said he feels unhappy with the relationship now. I was really hurt by that and explained to him how I don’t believe that because:
1. Our communication didn’t change, no signs of anything. Constant reassurance. He even chats then also texts me if I couldn’t answer his calls. Still wants my company in video chat after a long day, etc.
2. We are so so so much better partners, and maintaining a healthy and supportive relationship. We are very intentional in being better for each other. We don’t fight now and even while we were talking about this scary and heavy topic, we’ve grown so much and are very respectful in the discussion and
3. He plans the future with me including getting engaged next yr, marriage, kids, etc.
So why was he all of a sudden unhappy? Then he said it’s just his “trauma” of our fights talking since he relieved it again when I said I was coming again to his city. Basically, he took it back and said the feeling was outdated and he shouldn’t have said it.
But still… I can’t have peace of mind. It’s making me so anxious. This is the man I am planning my future with and we have improved so much and love each other so much. Why did he say that? Was he just caught off guard? Did he mean it? I was so vulnerable earlier because I was really shocked and I even cried. He told me not to doubt his love before we ended the call but now I’m just spiraling into overthinking.
TL;DR! My bf and I got into a huge fight before I flew back to my city for some business. When I called and told him i’m coming back after 2 months, he said he needed at least 2 weeks to prepare mentally bc he has some “trauma” in the past fight and he is unhappy in the relationship. He took it back also saying the feeling was just outdated and he just remembered our fight. He said he shouldn’t have said that. Our relationship has grown and is loving and healthy now. So after the phone call, I can’t stop overthinking.
I appreciate any input you guys might have…
I love this man and we have been through so much: from near death experience to building a business together to meeting each other’s family and planning our future.
I don’t want this to be the start of my insecurities and doubt in the relationship.
1 comment
If someone I cared about and trusted was cursing and shouting at me, I’d probably experience some trauma and feel bad when a circumstance was coming up when it might happen again. After all, you have shown you are a person who thinks it is sometimes okay to curse and shout at people. I would find it hard to trust you. Apparently he didn’t decide to break up with you over it, which would have been quite understandable, but you can’t expect damage like that to heal quickly or linearly.