[24F] , Travelled for two months to this country in which iKnew no one ( for work) so downloaded tinder and my caption said looking for friends ( strictly) which I really meant , wasn’t really interested in dating I guess , swiped right to people who were also looking for friends or for people who had interesting captions and shared interests. Went out with this guy , [26m] explored the city together had fun and all . And he is leaving to the US in a couple of weeks . We study/work in the same field and have many shared interests. After him went out with other people who were nice but he was the one I enjoyed most . We went out again for 3 times , and on the second time I asked why he was using tinder as he is leaving soon anyway he said for fwb and I also explained how I am looking for friends only . We went out again to a bar , got drunk and made out veeery passionately, it was soo perfect couldnt keep our hands off eachother . After that , I felt like , I started to really like him , in a more than friends way .. but I notice from the way we’re chatting ( kind of dry , sexual memes ,we do talk daily but it’s not like a heavy exchange and I would talk more if He did ) now he wants us to meet again ( he asked me to come over ) and i know exactly what will happen. I never was in a fwb situation before , I always dated with the purpose of finding a relationship and only dated people I saw a potential future with so now I am not feeling good about this: I am liking someone who is leaving soon , who is not even interested in dating seriously, who maybe likes me only for my body , feeling like i am being used etc . A part of me wants to have more of him , it could be a fun experience, but another part of me is sad / jealous of the possible presence of other girls and everything
What do you guys think I should do? Why am I feeling this way?
3 comments
Because you like him gurl. Run. He wants sex. But you’re expecting love. You’re scared to tell him what’s your feeling because deep down you know if you tell him and he freaked out you’ll lose him. My suggestion run or it will only heartbreak.
Or find another fling to even out your feeling so you wouldn’t feel like this toward him.
Honestly. Getting emotionally attached to someone you’re never gonna see again really sucks. But if you think this guy is the one, I want you guys to have an exclusivity talk. That should take care of the other girls (if there are any) if he agrees to be exclusive. And if he does agree, you also gotta have the long distance relationship talk. Because relationships like that are hard, but they are not impossible. Or if you know in your heart of hearts that a relationship like that is not possible for you, the best decision might be to let him go, and cry it out for a bit. Whenever decision you make, best of luck.
I feel like most guys have 3 buckets where they place women. One to never interact with outside of purely platonic or casual interactions, one to have sex with, and one that they could pursue a serious relationship with.
I also feel like women in general have two buckets, with the relationship and sex mashed into one. Meaning they view sex as something they would only do with people they want to pursue something serious with. This isn’t all women ofc, but in my experience it tends to hold true more often than not.
The only issue with this is when a woman doesn’t realize a man has more buckets, she gets confused because in her mind, she doesnt fully understand why someone would have sex if it wasn’t something serious. So they’ll get into “situationships” or FWB relationships and get stuck because they fundamentally misunderstand what they mean to the other person.
I’m not saying men are bad for this btw. You said it yourself, feels exciting and fun. It was passionate and you couldn’t keep your hands off eachother, that’s why he’s doing it, it feels good.
Not saying don’t see him, if you want to go ahead. The only thing you need to make sure of is that you’re emotionally mature enough to feel affection and even love for someone, but not get attached. If you can great, have fun. If you can’t, you’re just setting yourself up for pain.