She asked me this a few months ago after an argument.
I love my girlfriend. She makes me happy, I feel loved, i feel respected as a person in our relationship, i feel safe being emotional and sad with her, i know i can be happy just lounging around with her and not needing anything to happen (talking or watching a movie, just like existing together and doing our own thing), i want to be a better man because of her and i feel like i am. It isn’t like she was this way to me and i stay because i get all these things from her. I’ve never really felt this way about anyone else. It isn’t like an insurance plan or some kind of tv bundle plan where i had options to choose from and she so happened to be the best or offer the most, we got to this together, from casually dating to falling in love and being in a relationship.
But she said this isn’t anything special or particular to her, like she mentioned it’s a traditional woman’s role to help a man be his own main character and that i can get this from any other woman. It’s not like i magically grew up when she said she loved me, we had arguments, we had our own personal issues, but we communicated and we worked through them together. i just feel like i’m not the same person i was when we first met, i used to lie a lot (not like cheat but just say something to save face or downplay things) and i used to be non-confrontational
I then feel like it’s superficial to give reasons or have reasons that seem transactional. Like loving her because she’s intelligent and very cultured aren’t big reasons, or loving her because she gives me love and attention and then feeling like i have to reciprocate. I just kind of love her, i feel it every time i see her like a desire to love her and make her happy.
I think if i ask her her reasons for loving me they would be similar to what i said, give or take a few things, but very little that i think is particular or special to me and me only
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**tl;dr**: Should there be unique reasons to love your partner? How unique to them is it?
3 comments
It sounds like a good relationship. I think it’s hard when people ask why you love them, sometimes you just do. I’d just explain to her the way that she makes you feel and that no other woman makes you that happy. And you sound like the kind of guy who really does love her and can talk about it which is pretty rare. She may just be struggling with inner feelings of worthlessness. Has anyone ever abandoned her? Like a parent? She may be afraid of losing you (something good) so she’s anxiously wondering in the back of her mind what you see in her. I’d say there’s a core wound somewhere being triggered and she’s looking for reassurance.
I think “she makes me happy” is honestly the only reason you need, but she’s most likely looking for you to elaborate on what exactly makes you happy.
Ask yourself, WHY does she make me happy? Do you feel happiness when she smiles? Do you enjoy the way she talks, looks, smells, shows she cares?
You should step back, figure out what or why exactly she makes you happy – and then do your best to explain that to her.
Loving people is due to characteristics, personality, and behaviours they demonstrate which make you love them.
Being *in love* with people is a feeling. It is not based in logic or reasons.
Ideally, the person we’re in a relationship we would be *in love* with as well as love them for who they are and what they do.