I’m hoping people can be honest and anonymously tell us here if they’ve made a conscious choice to settle in order to be with a good and kind person who will love them, but there’s is no spark and intense sexual chemistry. I’ve had this intense connection with past boyfriends and have been single the past 4 years. I’m now 26 and I haven’t felt this way about a man since, and I’m wondering if a guy I have been seeing for a while who is so good and lovely and who would never hurt me, but I don’t feel that intensity with should be who I settle down with? I think he is attractive and enjoy our conversations, but haven’t felt like I want to jump his bones…
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Yup, and after 8 years we divorced
Keep in mind a quality man when he finds out you settled for him, if he values himself appropriately will divorce you or in the relationship. It’s what I would coach any man to do.
Are you working on yourself? If you level up you might be surprised what you may find out there.
Yes. Many people settle…
…for horrible people that outside of turning them on in bed do absolutely nothing for them. Abusive people, cheaters, emotional manipulation, immaturity, everything by the wayside in the name of good sex.
Realizing theres more to a healthy relationship than sexual energy is not settling, it’s maturing.
Not every connection will be the same, so if you’re looking for exactly the same thrill or spark at 26 that you had when you were 18, you may not find it, but the kind of settling you’re describing is really unfair to both of you.
The question is…… can you settle without feeling like you’ve settled? Because if you can’t don’t settle. It won’t make you happy and will make the guy miserable through no fault of his own.
On the other hand, if you come to the realisation that the superficial physical qualities of a person that we all look for when we are younger are less important and you actually value kindness, companionship and character more then it’s a great thing!
Have you tried to bring the excitement? Get yourself worked up the energy can be contagious. Act like you want to jump his bones, the feeling then can fill you up.
Depends on what you mean by settling. We all want somebody great and hot. We have to take an honest assessment of ourselves and determine what we bring to the table (and what we don’t). Some people may think they are settling below their league but they likely aren’t. The market dictated the value of both them and their partner and linked them up. In other words, a lot of people overvalue their own worth.
I was probably a month or so away from doing it – and ruining two people’s lives in the process – when my long lost high school crush messaged me saying she felt like a road trip and did I feel like a visitor.
And it’s deliriously deliciously good.
Don’t do it.
I did, into singlehood.