Women who aren’t naturally emphatic but became one, can you share what steps you took to achieve it?

10 comments

1. Here for the advice too! I’m a compassionate person I think, but have a terrible time being emotionally supportive. It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know why

2. Rehearsed phrases. “Do you want to talk about it”. ” I’m sorry you feel that way” It’s not genuine at all. But the listener doesn’t know any better.
   The idea is they see this as normal and repeat it but with real feelings.

3. Empathic?

4. Empathic?

5. Reading fiction has been shown to improve empathy. The more diverse types of books, the better. It’s not a fast solution, but it seems to have worked for me, and it’s been backed by studies.

6. Got traumatized/abused and became hypervigilant about other people’s emotions in an attempt to keep myself safe lol

7. Empathy is no more complicated than, “How would I feel if I was this person?” It often requires putting aside your initial reaction, because you’re *not* in that person. Telling a friend, “You should dump his lazy ass!” might be how you feel from *your* perspective, but your friend is *in love* with that person. You don’t have the benefit of seeing all the positives, understanding their history, or living through some troubled history or insecurity that your friend might be suffering from. It’s not an “if this happened to me,” situation, it’s an “if I *was them* and living their life” perspective.

   You’re not them, if course, so empathy always requires some guesswork. You can fill in blanks as best you can, or you can ask the source. “What would he need to do differently in order for you to feel like you were being treated well?” is an example.

   Importantly, many situations are not a matter of the person wanting advice, so much as they want *support.* This is a concept that I struggle with (I tend to be a problem solver first), and I have to remember to ask myself if they need a solution, or a sympathetic ear. When in doubt, you can always ask.

   If you’re seeing a theme, it is that empathy involves a lot of listening and asking thoughtful questions. It also frequently requires you to hold your tongue. I think of this like helping a friend with a math problem: sure, you can just give them the answer, but what you really need to do is explain the problem so that *they* can find the answer for themselves.

8. Honestly?

   Becoming a mother.

9. Went to therapy.

10. Listen to “This is water” – a speech by David Foster Wallace available on YouTube. It’s quite life changing really. 🙂