Hi lovely people of reddit, need your help with this one.
For context let me tell you, I rarely drink. Alcohol just doesnt taste good to me and while other people find it a social lubricant, for me it makes me sleepy and then I want to go to bed.
I met someone at a bar, we had great converasation, and decided to go on a date. Through text I let them know I dont drink. I let them know I have no problem with them drinking, and that usually i go to bars or clubs and my friends drink while I dont. We have a good time.
After I was told “lets just be friends”.
Is me not drinking that off putting?
28 comments
Well, if you think that drinking can damage your chances, imagine not having sex. Not trying to invalidade you at all, just pointing that there are things and actions that damage your chances (in certain cases, even one’s political opinions lol) and that’s okay. Don’t change who you are just to date someone đ
You dodged a bullet mate.
It’s great to be a non drinker, you are a lot healthier that way and are keeping your brain healthy.
Do not let other people make you a worse version of yourself
Did they say it was the drinking? Otherwise you are just speculating. You shouldn’t have to change yourself drastically over this person
Someone who drinks prefers to date a drinker too. I like drinking, and when iâm with someone i like drinking with them too cause for me its a fun activity that iâd wanna share with my partner.
They rejected themselves. OP dodged a huge red flag.
Thats stupid and immature. I would pass on friendship.
Personally I also wouldnt probably date somebody who doesnt drink. I used to and it didnt really work out.
Something else might have come up, and it may not have anything to do with you not drinking. But if that’s really the reason, It seems to me that you’re not going to be compatible with this person and they made the right choice.
Alcohol is a big part of how many adults socialize. For some it is important enough that they can’t really relax around those who don’t drink.
Possibly more likely, though, is they just didn’t really want to go on the date once they sobered up. It’s common to get drunk and friendly and make plans that seem much less appetizing in the sober light of day. It’s possible they would have canceled the date no matter what your attitude re: alcohol.
This is basic dating. Two people meet, both find each not scary to look at. So they decide to meet. When they meet, the purpose of the date is to determine whether you both want to have a second date.
You did “get rejected” she simply decided that enough of her idea of fun revolves around the consumption of alcohol, and so you weren’t compatible. That is on her, not you.
There are lots of women who don’t drink who are sick of hanging out at bars watching blokes get drunk, because they think it is the only place to meet men.
Go find one who thinks all her Christmases came at once because she never has to set foot in a bar again.
I wouldnât worry too much about this, you will find someone who either also doesnât drink or who just doesnât mind.
Some perspective, my partner and I have a friend who we used to go out with all the time. Our friend got together with a women who doesnât drink, however that means she also doesnât want our friend to go out and drink. If they do go out, itâs on her terms and they have to go home early. If someone had experienced this type of behaviour in past relationships, this could be a turn off when hearing âI donât drinkâ, you know?
You do you, and thatâs all you can do! Absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to drink.
A lot of people drink alcohol but relatively few are active non drinkers, that’s pretty much the entire story here.
there is nothing wrong with “not drinking” i fact it is very good. not all people can like all think, you just have to respect each other and accept it.
You’re both being reasonable. You didn’t do anything wrong, being in a bar doesn’t mean you drink.
But she is also being reasonable, she met you at a bar and maybe wanted to do that again. Not every date has to be “wow maybe I’ll marry them” sometimes it’s just “hey this could be a fun fling” and with that mindset if you don’t drink, you can’t easily be the bar hopping casual fling.
As someone who constantly deals with belligerent drunks, you’re good in my books. You should not think too much of this. People try to find others who like the same things as them. This person liked drinking as a social hobby, and you don’t and that’s fine.
As a non-drinker myself (because of health reasons) it’s really interesting to read this thread. For me it always has been just minor inconvenience. I go to bars with friends and boyfriend and drink non-alcoholic wine on parties. It never crossed my mind that this can be deal-breaker for someone. From my perspective it’s not off putting at all!
Why would you want someone that drinks when you donât ? Find a better match
These comments are weird.
I don’t drink, but my boyfriend enjoys drinking. We have been together 7 years. You can still go to bars, breweries, etc together and just order a non alcoholic drink and still spend time together. Most places will make non alcoholic versions of drinks, so you can both be drinking the same drink. My bf doesn’t give a fuck if I drink or not.
I really wonder how old these commenters are, that they are putting such a huge emphasis on the consumption of alcohol. You can be in the exact same situations as someone drinking with the only difference being not putting alcohol in your mouth.
I would say OP dodged a bullet because someone who places so much emphasis on that is either immature or has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
You are awesome for being yourself
Buck up. Red bull and vodka bro
I wouldnât worry about it, obviously you guys just arenât compatible, better than wasting time with that person. Thatâs definitely odd but dodged a bullet.
I’m a teetotaler.
I’ll encourage you to find someone else, but there is a chance the other person might think they are vulnerable since you would be sober and they would be drunk and they are worried you might take full advantage of the other person.
I’ve had a friend, which I met after 3 years, she got drunk and we were staying in the same room, but she has full confidence on me that I won’t touch her and she was comfortable to get drunk enough that she can walk, but need a helping hand to walk back to the room, that’s all.
So, I would say, just ignore that person and move on.
I might be in the minority to say this, if you don’t drink, is it a good idea to pickup/look for a partner at a bar? Because I was a teetotaler, I thought I will throw the vibes of a creep, if I don’t drink but look for girls to meet.
I know it’s kinda clichĂ©, but you were not meant for each other. It really is that simple. She noticed and ended before it was getting anything serious.
I like getting drunk occasionally and I don’t think I’d date someone who doesn’t. But if I liked the person, I’d make a new friend! Exactly what she did.
I’m a teetotaler.
I’ll encourage you to find someone else, but there is a chance the other person might think they are vulnerable since you would be sober and they would be drunk and they are worried you might take full advantage of the other person.
I’ve had a friend, which I met after 3 years, she got drunk and we were staying in the same room, but she has full confidence on me that I won’t touch her and she was comfortable to get drunk enough that she can walk, but need a helping hand to walk back to the room, that’s all.
So, I would say, just ignore that person and move on.
I might be in the minority to say this, if you don’t drink, is it a good idea to pickup/look for a partner at a bar? Because I was a teetotaler, I thought I will throw the vibes of a creep, if I don’t drink but look for girls to meet.
I mean that says a lot more about the society than anything else. I think you should be thankful that this person took themselves out. Donât bend to idiocy of people, if you donât drink you donât drink, no need to feel bad for being rejected for your individuality it actually is an indicator for having a personality.
This begs the question of …… How did you being a non drinker come up?
If the other person drinking isn’t a big deal to you then why did you even need to mention not drinking before you met up.
Did they ask you why you don’t drink? Did you offer up the fact that you don’t drink and a bunch of reasons why without being prompted?
What reasons did you give for not drinking?
I wouldn’t call it off-putting, I’d call it polarizing.
Some people only know how to socialize with alcohol involved, so the thought of dating someone sober is too much for them to handle.
I’d say continue to lead with this, it’ll filter out a lot of heartache and headache. And when you get “rejected” don’t take it as rejection, take it as a sign that this person would’ve been a bad fit for you. It’s essentially a good thing.
Going to say you dodged a bullet. You set up a very simple boundary, one which a lot of people have for various reasons. They didn’t respect that simple common boundary of not drinking.