Me (25 F) and my boyfriend (26 M) have been together for 10 years (I know, high school sweethearts) and we are now facing a huge decision.
For context: we are both from the same city, close to Brussels, Belgium.
3 years ago my boyfriend started a degree in London, so we started to do long distance. However, 1,5 year into his degree COVID hit, which kept him home for roughly the rest of his degree. In my head it was always the plan he would come back after finishing the degree, but because he lost so much time due to COVID he wants to extend his stay, but only if I agree.
In the meantime I also graduated and have a job I very much enjoy in the medical field, and due to the pandemic have mostly been working from home. This allowed me to visit him often which was nice. However, after 10 years together I want to start building a future together by living together etc. Therefore we are facing this dilemma: should I move to London for him, and potentially leaving my job, career etc I enjoy? Or should I ask him to come home? I am afraid if I let him come home, I would be responsible for not letting him persue his dreams, and I don’t want him to hold this against me for the rest of our lives.
We are very secure as a couple, love each other very much and are soulmates.
Another thing that I want to mention is that I have anxiety, which would make me living in such a large city not easy. I am therefore afraid if I would move I would lose all my independence which I worked so hard on for the past 2 years.
Any advice?
TLDR: my boyfriend lives abroad and wants to persue his career, should I move to be with him and leave my job/life
3 comments
Now that the UK left the EU, how easy us it for you to move?
There are so many things to take into consideration before you make the move. Do you think it’s worth it to leave your comfort zone in pursuit of love? Is your relationship that solid? He’s got friends there but you don’t.
I’d recommend you visiting him for a week or two if you can, meet his friends and just look around. If you still think it’s worth to relocate and you’ll be able to find a stable well paying job then go for it.
You two should really talk it out about what you both want and action steps needed in order to move forward. Someone will have to compromise something if you stay together, but as long as your on the same page and realistic about how you will have difficult times with the transitions, you’ll make it. I’ve moved many times in my relationship with my partner so they could pursue their career, and I’ve started over a few times because of it. It’s always worked fine for me because I’ve ended up in different positions where I’ve learned a lot about my field. Personally, I’ve learned how to make new friends and become involved in different communities, learning more about myself. At the end of the day, the decision my partner and I made were to ultimately stay together no matter what/where we are and to build our relationship together in the same place. That may not work for you, but you’ll know in your heart what’s right. You both just need to be honest and communicate openly about wants/needs.