I am secretly super jealous of my husband. I’ve been with him for 9 years, and ever since high school girls have been all over him. We’ve gone out to dinner before and the waitress has made sly remarks.
He doesn’t think they’re flirting. As a woman I know. I get really upset when this happens but I know it’s not his fault.
I secretly get really jealous of him. No boy has ever flirted with me. I’d obviously turn them down right away but I just wish they would try. I know he’s far out of my league. To this day, 2 kids later I have no clue how I pulled him. I have gotten bad anxiety before because it makes me think he’s going to divorce me for a prettier girl.
Is this normal? How should I communicate this?
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Is some lever of insecurity normal when your partner is more attractive and people show it a lot? Sure. But getting angry and constantly thinking your husband and father of your children will leave you for someone prettier is not healthy. It is hurting you and your relationship where there could be a lot of joy and pride instead. You DID pull him. You must have many lovely qualities to keep a good-looking man so fulocused on you he doesn’t even notice countless women flirting with him. That’s a great thing!
For your own sake and your relationship, I’d suggest a couple of therapy sessions for you ti work on your self-esteem. One, he may not even be that mich prettier, maybe a but more handsome, maybe not, but we’re likely not looking at a beaty-and-the-beast situation here. Second, it sounds like you are too focused on looks to notice all of the other important things that make or break a relationship. Mutual support, common interests, common goals (children), dealing with the others crazier idiosyncrasies with grace. Those are all much more important than looks, and therapy may help you realize that.
Jealousy and comparing is unfortunately a pretty common human emotion. We all do it whether we like to admit it or not. It when that jealousy turns into anger is when it’s bad. I sometimes compare my accomplishments to others, but I also make sure I’m genuinely happy for them also. Trying being happy for him that he’s getting attention from women. You’re the one he’s committed to after all.
Women commonly do what I call shrodingers flirt. It’s only a flirt if he doesn’t take the bait. If he does see it and acts on it then she was just being friendly and he misread things.
Every guy learns this eventually. Your husband probably knows it and doesn’t take any of them seriously. You might be the first and only woman that’s ever consistently followed through and not tried to gaslight him about it, you never know.
You should not be worried about this. You’re only seeing outcomes where he doesn’t act so of course you think every woman wants him.
Unless you have hard evidence that your husband cheats, please never bring this up. Your husband, by your story, loves you and is loyal.
If you keep picking fight with him, you will make him tired and afraid of you. That’s when he may look for other opportunities.
I’m sure you are not as bad looking as you describe, and you have many qualities that your husband appreciates a lot.
This is what you should do:
– Seek therapy if you can
– If you are angry, focus that on the flirting girl, not your husband
– Flirt with your husband yourself, give him compliments
Have you tried talking about it with a therapist?
It’s not his problem, it’s yours.
OTOH I don’t know that keeping it all to yourself is the answer either.
Maybe speak to your own therapist rather than couples counselling
Is that you Ayesha Curry?
Does he treat you well? I dated a guy who preferred less attractive women because he’s a sociopath and has to be the hot one.
This is something you’ll need to work thru. I’d suggest your own therapist to help you step back and evaluate your relationship more objectively. Sounds like he’s committed to you and your marriage is a solid one, this is just the thing you’re afraid if rather than a likely scenario. Looks fade. Solid connections and supportive partnerships are actually much harder to find. The thing is, this fear is making it harder for you to see all the ways you’re right fit each other and it could become a self fulfilling prophecy because it’s on your mind so intensely. Working thru it with a good therapist is the best way to strengthen yourself and your relationship. If your therapist isn’t a good fit, find one who is. It’s okay to keep looking.