So… I (25M) got incredibly drunk yesterday. I was not planning on doing that, I just got caught up in the moment and didn’t realize how much I drank since we were supposed to get dinner afterwards but didn’t in the end. Thanks to a friend, I got home safe.
But when I got home, with the alcohol that kept on rising, I’ve sent messages to a friend, letting everything out of my chest. I think I’ve been bottling too many things and.. yeah. Unexpectedly, he responded even though it was 1h30am. I told him of bad I felt being his friend because I’m dependent on him. Like, I really feel terrible when I don’t have news, and he recently took ages to respond (5 days on average) and it really hurt me. Anyway.. I told him all of that, and blocked him saying in my drunken rambling I couldn’t take it anymore.
He responded using DMs (he wasn’t blocked here), and he was not happy, told me I was throwing out 9 years of friendship, told me it really hurt him that I thought that of him, told me once again he had been too nice and was getting hurt because of that. I tried calling him, but we couldn’t really understand each other so just saw his face for a bit. Things calmed down, and he told me he didn’t want to end things here, and I apologized again and again. He moved the conversation to my well being, like, told me to drink water, asked if I could wake someone up to take care of me and make sure I got to bed safely, things like that.
I felt like we were once again avoiding the deeper issue, and told him we needed to talk about it, but he said it wasn’t the time to do that and we can once I’m sober.
Woke up this morning full of regrets. I’m really sad about all of this. He checked up on me today, asking if I was ok and stuff. I told him yes, but then I told him we need to talk at some point. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m sad. Even if I clearly overreacted yesterday, most of the things I said to him are true. I’m afraid that if I address them once again, I’ll loose him for good this time. But I need to do that. Just hating myself a lot today.
TL;DR : got drunk, told a friend he was hurting me by being my friend, didn’t go great but things are back to normal. Want to have a proper conversation about this but don’t know how or if it’s a good idea
3 comments
Sounds like you need to work on your dependency issues. It shouldn’t bother you that much when a friend doesn’t get back to you for a few days. None of this seems to be your friends fault, so I’d apologize to him for your behavior, and let him know you’re working on your own issues (and will avoid getting plastered for a while).
You may need to just keep each other at an arms reach so you can work on those dependency issues. That way you can still maintain the friendship, and also grow more independent as a person. If they are truly your friend, they will understand and want to help you for the better!
Are you in love with him?