I (28F) was introduced to a guy (25M) by our common friend. He’s actually really nice but a bit of a shy type, so I initiated the first move. I asked him out on a date first. We went to a couple of dates already and I would say that it’s really a great time with him and he’s better in person. We never kissed and held hands, just hugs. Also, I’m the one who always asks for the date and he always says yes (and for the bill, he’s the one who pays most of the time or we sometimes split the bill)
At some point, I asked him if he’s really interested or was just being nice since I was introduced by a common friend. He told me that he haven’t felt the spark yet but he’s also interested to get to know me more cause he thinks that there’s also something but just needs more time (I guess it’s because it’s his first time with this kind of things, like going on dates etc.) I respected his answer and continued to go on dates with him. However, the thing is, I don’t think there’s an improvement with his actions. He still never initiates messaging me first (or even checking up on me if I got home safely or just simply asking how my day was) or asking me out on a date. It’s really frustrating because I really like this guy because he’s really great in person, but I think it’s not fair on my part to be the one to always approach him first when we are both interested. So, I’m starting to doubt if this guy I’m seeing is really interested or just being shy and doesn’t know how to approach a woman? Help.
TLDR: Went on a multiple dates already with a guy I like but he never initiated to message me first or even ask me out on a date, so I’m starting to doubt if he’s really interested or was just being nice to go on dates with me since I was introduced by a common friend.
8 comments
If he were interested back, he would be initiating contact at least some of the time.
If he has never really had any experience with this stuff, then he likely doesn’t realize he’s supposed to be trying to read your mind.
Communicate.
Tell him that him initiating things- like conversations, dates, and asking if you got home safe are things you appreciate in a possible partner, but also that it might help build that connection between you two if he initiates some things
I would cheerfully and without drama tell him that you enjoy hanging out, and dont mind taking turns initiating, but that the ball is in his court to make the next plan. If he doesn’t reach out, assume hes not that interested and move on.
Be friendly, telling him you hope he calls or texts. If he does not then you know
Girl. He said he doesn‘t feel a spark, this isn‘t going to get better. Let‘s stop using shyness as an excuse for a lack of interest and initiative.
If you don’t know if he likes you, then he doesn’t like you. Guys are simple, if they like you, it’s obvious!
Girl, if he wanted to, he would. Get out now.
Personally, I would just be up front and mention it again, saying how you feel like you’re the only initiator and that he seems very disinterested, and then tell him that it would be okay if he wasn’t, as you don’t want to waste his time or your own. He may just be shy and not know how to break it to you, especially if he can feel you’re super into him, but he’s not reciprocating those feelings. Then if he does say he is interested, then you can bring up how his actions make you feel and then go from there. With my boyfriend, he’s not good at expressing his feelings sometimes so that could be it as well. Good luck!