Men, how did you mentally get used to working so much?

41 comments

1. Just unionize already America, that’s not normal.

2. No one should be working that much. It’s unhealthy. I work 40hrs a week and feel great.

3. U suck it up and work around it or get a different job, u put yourself in a hole then complain about being in a hole…

4. It sucks and you just keep doing it unfortunately, you kinda just give up your social life and move on. You realize you won’t have time for any kind of relationship.

5. Personally, I had to justify it with goals. Whether I wanted to obtain or maintain something. But I also compromised with myself, telling myself I wouldn’t give more of myself than was necessary or warranted, and if I felt like it was becoming too much, I was allowed to walk away and do something different. Now, that doesn’t always look great on a resume, having multiple job changes in a relatively short period of time, but if you’re gonna work your life away, you need to do it on your terms.

6. Get a different job? You can’t contemplate your entire work life based on one job. 60hr work week? Yea they exist but you’re not forced to do it, find a 30-40hr work week

7. Honestly I’ve just made/saved a shit ton and then lived off savings, then went back to work when I needed money. Not good for interviews though as I continue to do it. I’d use your GI bill to pay for schooling or a trade that pays well.

8. I feel like a lot of these comments aren’t reading the post.

   A 60 hour week is not normal and most people would never have one to get used to in the first place. Find a different gig.

9. In UK and I have worked 60+ hours per week for 30 years. Probably 5 years of that I was working 70+ hours per week. I regret it so much. It was never worth it. The price is too high.

10. You really shouldn’t work yourself to death. Hopefully you are making a living wage to where you can work 30-40 hours a week and live comfortably.

    You hear people who work all their life, from 16-66, 50 years and when they retire they have no idea what to do and they drop dead.

    My stepfather regrets how much he worked while his kids were growing up. 12 hrs work days 7 days a week. His kids did not get the upbringing they deserved and it shows. One turned out pretty good but the other two are not.

11. You don’t mentally get used to it, which is why jobs like this have high turnover rates.

12. Did 10 years in the Army. Even considering times I was deployed, I feel like I put in way more hours as a civilian. It’s like being a work zombie most days.

    In reality, I don’t work more now. What’s really happening is there are no outlets, no camaraderie, no sense of control or ability to make decisions to work smarter rather than harder, and no structure that promotes clear courses of action. Civilian work culture is super fucked at almost every job I’ve had. The Army was “accomplishment of my mission and the welfare of my soldiers.” That’s healthy. Civilian jobs are “busy work, rework, profit margins, and everyone is replaceable.” That’s fucking unhealthy.

    It was less stressful being shot at than it it to do this mundane shit day in and day out.

    And since there is a real “fail upwards” mentality in civilian jobs, most of your “leaders” are ignorant, inept, egotistical fuckwads.

13. Whybare you working that much silly goose? That is on you. I can see working that schedule for a little bit to stockpile, but just to work? Nah fam.

14. I’d be looking for other opportunities. I worked insane hours when I was in the trades, some days 9 hours some days 18, and wondered why my marriage deteriorated and my mental health was in the drain and I was always too tired to do anything else. I was miserable but my wife at the time hounded me to stick with it (she was only interested in my money it turns out lol) until I had a spine injury that ended it all and now I have a fresh slate, and plan on finding something with normal hours and a good balance, but I really wish I would have done that well before my injury.

15. That’s not normal, that’s them working a horse to death then buying a new horse because they think it’s cheaper than buying a second horse to split the load.

16. I find jobs that are not modern slave drivers, work to live.

    The most i ever worked was 12 hour days for 2 weeks, and then had a week off cycle. But that was only for about a year to get out of debt.

17. Rent is a powerful modivator

18. Driving for FedEx/UPS is brutal. I’d be desperately trying for an office job of some kind. My vote would be for project management.

19. Yes we are screwed. Yes for most people you either have to decide to work so much that you don’t have free time to do anything or have free time to do things but no money to do them.

    Thankfully it seems we are at the start of another labor movement. Hopefully it doesn’t fizzle out before actual change can be enacted.

20. You’re exhausting yourself. If you can, I’d recommend using your GI benefits to either go to college or vocational school, and find employment that won’t break your back to pay the bills. 60 hour weeks will kill you.

21. I worked 40 hours a week for a government funded non profit corporation that was all about kickbacks and misappropriation of funds and I’m the boss so all my friends should also be bosses mentality. Employees are just numbers but it doesn’t even matter if they can work what they’re paid. (The one guy can’t do anything but change a light bulb and even then sometimes can’t even do that.)

22. How long where you in the Marines? Check out the Coast Guard they take prior service.

23. Because we’ve been conditioned to think this and a large portion of our popular consistently votes against their own self-interest. People who work extra hard to ensure that minimum wage remains stagnate while telling those people if they don’t like it, get a better job. They convince us that if we just put our nose to the grind stone, then one day, we’ll be that millionaire. They vote for “right to work” which kills unions that are one of the best insurances to protecting workers from exploitation.

    I mean, we’ve basically convinced ourselves that this is just the way it’s meant to be. We refuse to even consider the idea that other countries have it better in terms of workers rights because this is ‘MURICA! FUCK YEA!! We’re suppose to be Da GrEaTeSt NuTIoN EvAr!!! How DARE someone even suggest it can be better.

    And since you’re a recent vet, you’re in your early 20’s I’m guess. Your generation I feel especially sorry for as mine, X, and the Boomers have worked overtime to kill those protections that so enabled us. We did it because we’re basically entitled dumb-asses who got greedy. I got lucky. I Went into the Navy after high school in ’90. Thought I’d make a career outta that. However, Clinton downsizing the military, I didn’t see much of a future so I left. I went to trade school and worked as an electrician for a few yrs. But the Great pay to no pay lifestyle of construction work, I wasn’t getting anywhere. That’s when I decided to go to college for engineering and graduated w/ my degree at 30. From there I found a career in the federal Gov. First the Navy as a civilian and then moved to another dept. So at this point, I’m pretty well set.

    But what enabled me is no longer a reality for you it seems. Sky high tuition, high rents, low minimum wage, etc. Hell, my stepson graduated two fucking yrs ago w/ an engineering degree and is still working at Wal Mart. And I hate, hate, HATE hearing the people like me and older bashing your generation. You’d think we X’ers would know better given how Boomers bashed on us in our youth.

24. I have done sales and used to drive truck, 60hr weeks and I hated my life… now I work *Maybe* 30 hrs a week tops and earn the same or more per week… the key is finding a high paying field you are good at, that pays based on performance rather than time spent… For me thats mechanical work… Nobody cares if it takes 15 mins or 5 hrs to fix their shit… I have fixed rates, so my earnings are based on *how much* I do, rather than *how long I do it*… I have tried and tried to have *normal* jobs, but it is soul crushing… I cant bring myself to work a 45-60hr week for someone else…long story short- get self employed… whatever you are good at, do that. And charge accordingly.

25. > How did you guys accept not having any free time?

    I didnt. Guess I got lucky

26. I never did. Working full time is probably 70-80% of the reason why I will never have a family of my own.

    The best I ever achieved was just accepting that life is just a never ending series of sisyphen chores broken up occasionally with opportunities to stop doing them.

27. I enjoy my work as i do ac stuff. I meet people i get along with through my various daily encounters. When im doing day work (installs and new construction) i am completely overwhelmed and sweaty and going hard as fuck… and then some days when im just doing service calls i look at those as “days off”. Like today.. im working 12 hours but there is so much in between time… its like im off. Tons of calls… tons of hours. Im good. A lot of people would be stressing about the next call but i just take shit as it comes. I can figure that out when i get there. My only day off is Sunday and i average about 70-80 hours between my night work and my day work and my own side work that I do (renovations/plumbing). I look at small things like buying a drink and listening to some good songs or podcasts as rewards. I know everything i do expands my brain and makes the world more comfortable or whatever. People are happy when im done and that makes me happy. Our bills get paid, my son spends Sundays with me all day and we have a blast. As I type I realize this sucks … lol. There is no way. Its hell.

28. Become self employed. Work the hours you seem reasonable.

    That’s all the advice I can give to anyone. Fuck making some other asshole rich.

29. You made Crucible- this shit is a cake walk in comparison. The thing is, you get to choose what job you want now…work 40 hours you know what that will get you, work 20 and you also know. Its up to you the life you want as well as what you want to do as a job to get that life.

30. Are we screwed? Kinda

    Is this just life? No. This is a fever dream of the ultra rich we are unfortunate enough to exist within.

    How do I come to terms with this life? You don’t. A career obsessed workaholic, an alcoholic, or a homeless man holding a sign that says “I’m hungry.”

    You will never come to terms with it or break yourself trying. It’s a fever dream, but it’s not your dream. If you go too deep, you will never return.

31. I spent 12 years working for a law firm with 70+ hour weeks trying to bill 2400 a year. It sucks. At first you have some mild level of success and can pay off your loans and get a middle-class type house. To keep that success your love life, then friends, then family all go by the wayside. Then your heath starts to go as you need more and more stimulants and alcohol to get by and have no time to exercise and can’t get 8 hours of sleep. Your body is in permanent fight or flight mode because any screw up ends your career and that 1 million dollar case is just over the horizon. Meanwhile, the “partners” are actually only putting in 40 hours, have 2 homes, drive Teslas, are on their third trophy wife, and treat your like shit, giving you scraps from their table.

    Then you find yourself 45, divorced, fat, suicidal, and without any purpose in life. You then get fired because you can’t keep up the hours but the fresh 26 year old right out of law school can and he is willing to work for much less.

    You think, jeez, well at least I am not in debt and have a bunch packed away for retirement…then the market tanks, inflation goes through the roof, and suddenly you realize you should have taken that offer your childhood buddy gave you to start a landscaping company with him when you were 22.

32. How I accepted it?

    Step 1: Joined Instagram

    Step 2: Realized I couldn’t be a model (live in spain – eat – work your glutes – look good)

    Simple as that

33. It honest just took me a while. It helps that I’ve become more satisfied at work (finally working in my career field), but I’ve also always been happy to just space out when things are slow.

    I also stopped worrying about my on-shift phone usage YEARS ago.

34. Don’t listen to half the people on this post. I work 50-60 hours a week and have a fiancee. We still do dates and have a healthy sex life. She works part time so she can take care of the home on her days off. We appreciate the time we spend together more because we don’t get alot of time together during the week. You just have to tell yourself you are working for those days off. I’m sure you are making overtime as well so it can’t be as bad as you make it seem. Btw im 40 and my fiancee is 45. Maybe you are younger idk but just wanted to put that out there.

35. Its difficult to begin with, but find a hobby outside of work, make sure you have something to look forward to. Then after a bit it gets a bit easier. After a bit longer it becomes routine. Then one day when your about to retire it will feel normal 🙂

36. After you think you have enough work experience to get a better job, start casually looking for one. Actually, start looking 6 months before that. No one is going to rescue you from this situation; you’re going to have to take the initiative. With the labor market so tight, now is the best time in decades to be job hopping. At lest anecdotally, delivery jobs are in high demand, so there may be options. Given the shortage, you may have some leverage with your bosses to negotiate fewer hours.

    A bit of a personal sticking point, but also don’t be afraid to look outside of your current city/area. A lot of times there are better jobs available if you’re willing to move. Doing before you have a family to uproot will be a lot easier.

    But realize what is important to you. You may have to take a pay cut (at least temporarily) in order to have a sensible work/life balance. I understand that giving up the money will be hard, but what good is the money if you have no time to spend it (or if you die of a coronary at 40)?

37. You don’t have to work that much, but you likely couldn’t continue there. It a better long term to work as much as you can when you’re younger and your body doesn’t have the mileage than older when it does. I used to work 80+ a week which in the legal field isn’t that uncommon.

    What do you want out of life? Does working this much move you closer or are you just doing it because?

38. its called work life balance. the ratio is different for everyone. some people need more social time. some less. if you want more time away from work, find a different job or talk to your boss about reducing your hours. that might mean you get a pay cut, or end up doing something you don’t enjoy. you gotta sit yourself down and decide where you personally draw the line.

39. Why is this question specifically directed towards men? I thought women worked too?

40. Dude get a better job, society doesnt always fit the requirements of and organic being, its pathetic I know. Just find something more fulfilling and with better hours

41. I grew up on farm and the work (and the worry) is just constant, that even years later I think I have problems with trying to relax. You just do the work you have no choice if you don’t things will go wrong and you will have more work.

    However I learnt to put barriers in place and not strict barriers, just do what you contracted to do and no more. Get a hobby outside that gets you out of the house. Socialise. Have a routine and exercise regularly. The idea is have general guidelines that will let you have some freedom as well.

    But your problem is different that is a lot of hours to work in week. I don’t to want to say look for a new gig but consider one with less hours. You will burn out eventually. You could do some courses to help you get the job.