I’m lifeguarding at the pool this summer and one of my female coworkers really caught my eye. The issue is she already seems to have her group of people she knows I’m a pretty big introvert so I’m not really sure how to start a conversation. I don’t want to feel awkward trying to talk to her while she is with her friends.
TLDR: how do I start talking to my coworker when she already has a group of friends?
3 comments
focus on yourself.
Stop putting her on a pedestal. Face your fears and genuinely connect with them as you would do with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what they say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
Here is the important thing. All you really know about her is that she is attractive to you. So don’t make a big deal about it. Because you only have one goal here, and that is to go on one date with her and decide whether you want to have a second date. That is it. Nothing more.
However, what you don’t want to do is run into her in the grocery store 20 years from now and be chatting, you are both married to other people, but you recognise her and stop to chat. And she, just as she is leaving says “I had such a crush on you that summer, I sent you so many hints, but you never asked me out, I just thought it was because of my… (part of her that you find cutest)
Because regret is the worst thing to endure, because it can’t be fixed.