Me (22F) and my boyfriend (24M) have been together for 10 months.
For the most part he’s very sweet, I don’t think he would hurt me. But last night we had been out drinking and got into an argument, throughout which I repeatedly asked him to calm down and talk about the issue rationally with me, and he was screaming and being very insulting.
He told me to f off/p*** off, called me a joke, a gimp etc. other derogatory names, and was fully intentionally not listening to a word I was saying. When I tell him to not swear at me and talk to me at a normal volume, he says he can’t because “he’s passionate, not aggressive, this is who he is and if I don’t like it I can F off/whatever”. I’m of the opinion that this behaviour is not at all the same as being passionate, it’s not normal to talk to your girlfriend who you supposedly love and care about in this way over basically nothing.
It got me thinking about how this isn’t the first time this has happened – there have been other times I’ve been pushed, called a re****, called stupid, where he’s got right up in my face screaming, and all the meanwhile I’ve been crying and telling him to stop it. There have been times where he has done all this and not remembered it the next morning.
I’m now wondering whether a relationship with someone like this, who is so sweet whilst sober but an absolute nightmare when drunk, is good or safe for me.
TL;DR: my boyfriend is an angry drunk and can get aggressive with me while I’m clearly not reciprocating the anger, it is making me question whether it’s a good idea to stay with him
8 comments
Nope, red flag on the play 🚩
This is abusive behavior and it’s only a matter of time before he puts his hands on you. Get out now. That “I don’t remember” line will be what he says when he does physically harm you.
This relationship is toxic and so no, it’s a terrible relationship for you.
Why do you want to be with someone who calls you names? Who berates you and screams at you?
I would safely and quickly end things with him. Please. Seems like has deep, unresolved anger issues that bubble to the top as soon as his social inhibition are muted a bit by alcohol. Dangerous.
Unless he stops drinking, it’s a bad idea to stay with him.
Oh, you know those names he calls you? He thinks that when he’s sober. But when people get drunk, the filter comes off.
I used to be like this. Angry drunk episodes that I don’t remember. He needs help to stop drinking since he can’t do it responsibly.
If he won’t get help, it’s time to leave.
Do you plan on drinking with him in the future? When you’re married?
The answer I’m assuming is yes, so don’t stick around hoping he’ll change because he won’t.
If you think he will, all you will be doing is going from an angry abusive drunk boyfriend to an angry abusive drunk husband.
We’ve all seen how that ends.
>there have been other times **I’ve been pushed**, called a re****, called stupid, where he’s got right up in my face screaming,
> it is making me question whether it’s a good idea to stay with him
He’s already laid hands on you. He calls you the most dreadful things when he is angry and drunk. Does he do this to his friends, or only his girlfriends?
I do think you should break up with him.
He think you’re a joke, a gimp, stupid etc
No, it’s not safe to stay with someone who could potentially kill you.