what are your thoughts on people kicking out their offsprings once they reach age of 18?

44 comments

1. I think it’s all about how the house dynamic is and how the relationship is. I know some people do it to teach independence and responsibilities but I can’t imagine doing that in this kind of time we live in.

2. I would never kick my child out of my house. For any reason. Ever. I find it wild that people can justify this type of behavior to themselves.

3. I think it sucks. None of the 18 yos I know can survive on their own. Most of them inc my own granddaughter are working pt jobs just waiting to go to college. My oldest son lived with me for a cpl of years after he was married and he had enough money saved up to buy their first house. Younger one was 28 when he moved out and started his own locksmith business. I never charged either of them rent. They are family and that’s that.

4. I genuinely wish those people the worst. I can’t even imagine how a parent could be such an horrible person to put their own son/daughter into a severe status of vulnerability.

5. My thoughts are that 18 is too young to really be financially independent, and kicking them out at that age will make it more difficult for the children to thrive as adults. It is not an approach I would be inclined to use with my own kids.

6. Better than giving them a list of debt they owe for the last 18 years. I’ve heard horror stories

7. I think it’s significantly less common than people seem to think it is. People talk about it as if it’s common but it really, really is not. And the type of rare parent to do that was almost certainly an unsafe person for a teenager to live with anyway.

8. Did anyone on here really do this? I keep seeing it brought up in various places on reddit but I don’t know anyone personally who actually did this. I know people who gave their kids ultimatums like – go to college, get a job, join the military, or move out – those are your choices (without a job they’re just couch surfing or homeless so it’s added incentive to pick one of the other choices). But I don’t know anyone personally who said – you’re 18, time to leave, see ya.

9. I couldn’t have fended for myself at the age of 18 at all. No way did I possess the mental maturity to do so. But then I also come from a country where culturally parents are involved in their children’s lives almost their entire lives.

10. I think it has to be whatever works for your family. I was not kicked out at 18 nor would I kick my children out but that doesn’t mean it’s “wrong”.

11. It’s cruel and abusive. The week or month before that poor kid was probably trying to figure out their trig homework now they’re homeless trying to figure out how to “adult”. These are probably the same parents who haven’t prepare their kids for adulthood either. Shame of you!!

12. Although I do understand the idea of wanting your children to become responsible adults, I think it’s so important that they feel their support system will always be there to catch them – I don’t think telling them they have to leave their home when they’re still teenagers really gives that impression.

    My mum always says that our family home should feel like the place me and my siblings can come back to, even at our lowest times. Just knowing that I always have that as an option, has helped me through so many turbulent scary things that come with being an adult.

13. It seems like the parents who do this are the same who don’t really care about teaching their kids how to survive or particularly care what happens to them after that. So generally I don’t think incredibly highly of the practice.

14. This happened to my step daughter. She turned 18 in October but didn’t graduate until May. Her mother kicked her out as soon as the child support was done. Child support was done when she graduated. She was kicked out one week later. I can’t stand that woman.

15. Heartless. Showing that they’re really doing the bare legal minimum of parenting.

16. these people are rarely the parents who have raised their children to have the life skills necessary to make it on their own as an adult.

    they’re rarely spending time teaching their kids things like how to cook, how to clean properly, anything about finance, budgeting, basic car maintenance.

    it makes me sad for the 18 year olds.

17. They don’t love their kid and have felt trapped for the whole time they’ve lived at home

18. You don’t stop being a parent when the kid is 18. You should want to give them the best chance possible. Kicking them out (or requiring them to pay a more-than-nominal amount of rent) when they’re just getting started is really unfair.

19. Im latina. I just dont get it. If the kids want to leave, ok. But kicking them out is just beyond my comprehension.

20. Failure of parents

21. Won’t do it to my daughter she can live with us as long as she wants she’ll always have a room. My mom moved out on me at 16 to live with her rich boyfriend and paid my rent it caused so much depression and anxiety to be that alone I barely finished high school on my own. So I won’t ever abandon her the same way I was left.

22. First thing that comes to mind is don’t have children if you don’t want to care for them, not everyone is ready at that age!!

23. Strongly disagree with this mentality. These kids didn’t ask to be brought into this world, and leaving them to fend for themselves at such a young and vulnerable age is cruel. In most countries, the economic situation is difficult for young people. They are shamelessly exploited on the job market to the point of burnout because of their inexperience and desperation. The school system often fails to prepare them for the real world – and very often so do the parents.

    There are better ways to teach and encourage independence. My grandparents worked hard so that my parents didn’t have to go through what they suffered. My parents also worked hard so that my life would be easier. And if I ever have a kid, however unlikely, I’ll work hard so that their life is easier, too.

24. weird. didn’t realise the decision to have children had an expiry date

25. These people shouldn’t be parents in the first place.
    Which goes back to the financial question that people don’t ask themselves enough when they decided to have kids, “set aside my emotional reasons for wanting kids, would I ALSO the financial means to support the development of the child?”

26. Would not dream of it. I will always support my daughter in finding her own path.

27. I was prepared to leave the house (within a few months after high school graduation) slowly over time, from the time I was 13. I was allowed to come back and visit of course, but the expectation was you’re an adult — either go to college or get a job and you gotta move out. College strongly preferred in my household and that’s where I went at 17, didn’t even wait till 18.

    I had been taught about taxes, the importance of health insurance and a 401k, maintaining a bank account, paying bills, and the dangers of credit cards (compound interest specifically). You know. . the normal things a parent should do but apparently plenty of modern parents are so shitty they don’t teach their kids any of this and their unprepared children end up on the internet complaining that schools aren’t teaching it.

    But yeah if you didn’t prepare you kid at all and you just chuck them out of the house with no life skills and they didn’t even know they’d be booted? That’s fucked up.

    I mean, hell, IMO it’s even worse to fail to teach your kids basic life skills (such as the dangers of student loans, credit card compound interest, the basics of taxes, etc) regardless of whether you kick them out or let them stay.

28. I think it probably depends on the relationship and the choices of the kid.

    For my son, I would never do this. But I also will expect him to be responsible, whether that means school, working etc. He isn’t going to just chill and do whatever without putting in effort to contribute.

    My husband’s parents had a rule that either he was in college or he would be paying a small amount of rent to them. They saved up this “rent” and gave it to him when he decided to move out. I think that was a really great and helpful idea.

29. To me it feels like they thought their kids are an inconvenience and were just waiting until it’s socially acceptable to kick them out.

30. Well, my parents didn’t wait until I was 18 so I think they suck.

    However I do believe I turned out better than my siblings whom they didn’t kick out because I didn’t have the option to not get my shit together. It was either figure it out or starve.

    My 2 siblings are struggling pretty hard and never really grew up because mom and dad always came to their rescue.

31. Your job, as a parent, is to raise your kids to be functioning adults. If all you do is keep them alive until 18, then kick them out with nothing, you have failed. Every child is different; what works for one won’t work for the next one. And it’s all so much harder now. When I was a teen, it was possible to get a job and support yourself at 18. Now, it’s near impossible.

32. Sure you can vote and drive and such at 18, but so far, all your life experience is practically as a child / in school. You know next to nothing. You need your parents.

33. I was “gifted” an airplane ticket to live with my grandmother in Texas. This “opportunity” made me realize how much better off I was. After thousands of hours of therapy, I am not particularly interested in continuing our relationship. They are good normal people, who view the parent/child relationship as an authority opportunity. They call me often and ask to visit my home. I find myself letting the calls go unanswered.

    Edit- I have two older sisters who were not “gifted” the same “opportunity “ although they were problem children.

34. Easily top ten worst type of people in the world.

35. the people who do this often are the extremist baby machines who value “human life“ over actual people

36. I think those parents need to reevaluate. I would want my son or daughter to be fully prepared and set up before going on their own. Why wouldn’t I as a parent want the best head start for my kids?

    Edit: Forgot to mention that families should be considered a community and not a transaction. I can only speak for Latin American households when I say that young adults past the age of 18 living at home is common.

37. I think that every situation is different and context matters. In my case, my parents had always been very clear to me that I was expected to move out and be self-supporting at 18 after graduating high school. I always knew that that was the expectation, so I wasn’t surprised when they reiterated it to me at 18. I worked towards it and was on my own at that point though it was incredibly difficult. Both of my younger siblings lived at home significantly after turning 18. My parents loosened up that expectation after I was gone, so my sisters didn’t have the same pressure or expectation to be out after graduating high school.

    I don’t have children, so it’s not a decision I’ll ever have to make. Culturally, there’s far more acceptance of prolonged stays at home which makes a lot of sense in the current economic situation.

    [Edited to add: By 18, I’d been working part-time to full-time depending on my school and college schedule for 3 years, was finishing my associates degree in a few months, and was already paying my own gas, car insurance, clothing, incidentals, and most meals. The most difficult part was finding a place to live. I spent a little time homeless and lived in some sketchy/unsafe situations before being able to find someplace local that I could afford. I don’t hold any of that against my parents, and I don’t judge them or have any negative feelings about them wanting me to be on my own at 18. While they did not financially support me after 18, they’ve always been good parents who supported me in other ways.]

38. I find it really strange to think an 18 year old all of the sudden has enough money and the ability to survive on their own.

39. If aging out of child tax is the reason, it’s a super shitty thing to do.

    If the kid is an asshole to their family or a blemish on society, then I understand pushing them out to fend for themself as soon as possible. But it should be a well-communicated consequence of broken boundaries, such as refusing to look for a job/go to college/pull their weight around the house.

40. [removed]

41. I don’t understand it and I deeply question those parents. At 18 I couldn’t have imagined what I would do if I had to leave the house and be that independent. I still lived with my parents for like 3-4 years after graduating college, until I was secure enough in my career to afford to live on my own. They’d have let me stay even longer if I wanted to though.

    Unless leaving at 18 is something the kid wants for themselves, forcing them out before they’re capable is awful.

42. Sadly, some parents think their job is done after 18 years. Your children are your children as long as you’re on this planet and the ones that push their kids out the second the clock strikes midnight on their 18th birthday clearly have little regard for the lives they created.

    In any case, I’m not sure where you live, but in the U.K. it’s tough enough to get by as a grown adult on a decent salary— I’m not sure what an 18 year old could afford with no higher education as of yet, no qualifications and basically no money to their name. I’m not sure why anyone would want to see their kids in that situation.

43. Bad parenting (unless your kid is putting you in danger).

    When I was 18, I knew nothing. I didn’t know how to get my own place to live, what credit was, or really even how to write a check. I’m grateful for my mom who recognized that even though I was technically an adult, I was still her child and therefore still worthy of help and unconditional love.

44. a little harsh, tbh. i’m personally not down with parents making their children pay “rent” either.

    i would hope that – if they could – they’d have some money for their children saved if things don’t always work out right away.

    i would hope that their parents also helped them with financial literacy so they aren’t screwed over in the future.

    for those who have college in their future, this takes several years of planning.

    for those who don’t, it’s hard. i remember asking question about foster kids once – what do they do when they’re 18? it’s not a great outcome.

    i wouldn’t encourage high schoolers to get part-time jobs during the week since i think school should be the main focus – if they’re getting a job right out of HS, i think employers do look at GPA. summer jobs are not going to give them enough money to save up for an apartment right away, either.

    so i’m not even sure if it’s realistic to kick those kids out and expect them to find everything asap.

    for the kids who go to community college, i guess you can work a part-time job and go to college – people of all ages go to night-school. socially it might not be the best, though.

    but i have heard of college grads going back home and moving out as soon as they graduate college, so it might be doable at age 21.

    eta: i think of the middle school students my aunt used to teach – unfortunately it was in a low-income area and most of the students were immigrants. students did not do well in school for a variety of reasons, one of them being that they live with a single parent who works a lot. they are in charge of taking care of younger siblings when they get home. one girl was 11 y/o. these kids grow up fast, and i’m not sure what’s going to happen once she turns 18. would it be feasible for her to leave, even though it’s one less mouth to feed?