It feels like nobody texts me unless I post on my story or initiate conversation first. I had a conversation with a friend and I saw how like 10-10 people message her every day and it made me realise how nobody talks to me. It’s not like I’m unpopular, I have a few friends and I’m cool with a lot of people. I just never understand why I never get any attention like anyone else. Even when people talk to me (when I start the convo) they leave me on delivered for ages (5-20hrs). How do I get over this or make people text more?
41 comments
Quality over quantity my friend
Relying on your phone for pleasure is in fact, the worst. Go out and smell the roses my friend.
Don’t know your age but 2 take aways.
Literally this is lvl 5 on the worry scale out of 100, focus on the friends you do have and champion them and they will return that and move on.
Second takeaway, is if your reality is not meeting your expectations thats a good thing because it allows you to reflect, and find out solutions which what your doing, and being liked by everyone isn’t everything but if you feel like it should be at least a bit more you can spend some time sharpening your skills.
asses problem: Lack of back and forth I’m guessing
list possible plans of action to solve problem: Sharpen conversation skills (did it work if not go next on the lest) , Sharpen texting skills (did it work? if not next not the list ) , (observe your popular friend and see if you can take some notes and incorporate it into your life)….so on and so on. (google is your best friend)
I respect that you want to get better this Is the USA. and Social aptitude is ranked above all so its actually something you should get better at. but in the long run you’ll end up with 2-3 good friends and thats it like everyone else.
I would think the problem here is you are using your phone for fulfilment. use that “dry phone” feeling as a reminder to go outside and do something.
The phone (lack of texts) is just EVIDENCE of lack of close friendships. It is not significant in and of itself. So the thing to do is to develop/strengthen those friendships. Why would you want acquaintances texting you anyway? The takeaway from this is you need to engage people more in real world conversations and starting having experiences (with others) worth texting about!
Sucks and I know the feeling. People are flaky and ambivalent. Not sure exactly where you stand with them because either you reach out to them or you don’t hear anything. The silver lining, to me, is that after a while you don’t have to deal with the guessing games and wondering if they’re only hitting you up because they want something. Some, most of them, just disappear and you get to enjoy the silence…leaving space for those that actually appreciate you.
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You need to ask yourself, do you reach out to the amount of people you would like to reach out to you, say you want 5 people to contact you daily, you contact at least 5 people and see how they are? A lot of people use their phone constantly and text people all the time. Don’t stress my friend it’s more about spending physical time with people rather than virtual
The comment section is condescending. I hope you get better man
I used to feel the same. And it was because I was looking at my phone as a sort of social validation — to have richer, more fulfilling experiences with people, we need to start by giving energy to those whose time/perspective/energy we value. And then make that a two way exchange. And if your current circle doesn’t include those people, all the regular advice I’ve found to be true, try new methods of connecting with new people and look for meaningful connections. These are the ones that bring you joy and you WANT to feed into.
I think everyone is like this. I think the texting thing died a long time ago, like it was booming at first when everyone got phones and now we just don’t talk to one another.
I am the same way, utterly invisible. I feel like the only one putting in the effort, which makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, but I try so hard to be positive and not annoying or dorky, but I must not do a good enough job.
Not sure if it’s a relief to hear or not, but I think the majority of people are in your situation.
I have a recommendation for you. Watch “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix.
This opened my eyes to so much. Immediately deleted just about every app on my phone after watching and now I’m the person that goes hours or a couple days without texting/calling back because I just don’t care about my phone.
Saw the title. Didn’t realize what sub this was at first.
“Who on earth wants a wet phone???”
Then I realized.
Texting sucks, if you wanna talk with someone ask them out for a drink or something.
It feels way better and provides so much more fulfillment.
Constantly having to text is so annoying and takes you away from your actual life that’s happening right in front of you
Man what if your people just don’t want to talk to you like that? Would you rather be talked to 24/7 about absolutely nothing or just people talk to you with a purpose? I’d rather the 2nd. Talk face to face and go outside.
Also if you’re a male or female it changes things as well.
Also the age group of the people you’re talking to matters as well.
I felt this way a while back.
Then someone at a meet-up group I was in mentioned that they had read a study where if you text someone every day for 30 days and then quit they will start texting you instead because you’d formed the habit for them to expect texts from you and they would initiate the text if they didn’t get it.
So I tried it on about 20 people I was friends or friendly with.
At the end of the 30 days 9 of them had blocked, unfriended, and avoided me, 4 had asked me to leave them alone, 6 had just ignored my texts, and 1 texted me back 3 times after I stopped and then stopped themselves.
Turns out the guy that had told me about the study was just kidding.
I feel this. This friend I have is always getting blown up on Snapchat and texts. Meanwhile I’ve gone days and not received a single notification from any app. I attribute this to the fact that I don’t have snap chat and people use Snapchat a lot to say nothing to each other. They just send pics back and forth and maybe a pic here and there. It’s strange because it’s the laziest way of keeping in touch and I’ve heard people say, “nah we aren’t friends we just Snapchat.” So their level of communication and consistency isn’t a true validation of their quality of friendship. I personally hate social media so I don’t use any of it, but it does make you feel rather isolated sometimes in this world. Because there’s been so many times where people have asked me if I had snap and I say no and then they don’t want my number. So the thing is think about how they’re hitting your friend up and then take into account the quality of conversation and quality of friendship that person has with them. I try to be with the people around me and to talk to them but some
People are phone freaks you know? Don’t worry about the dry phone I got it to but just try to better what’s around you rather than basing your social standing from how many times your phone lights up.
I sometimes think so but then remember that I hate having to text different people all day. Makes me feel stressed, so I usually let them pile up to answer in bulk. I know a few people who are “terrible texters” like that, but actually are very sociable otherwise.
Distract yourself.. read a book, watch a movie/tv series, cook, play video games or better yet put all your time in something productive!
Anything is better than worrying about things like this, if you are feeling lonely….you mentioned you have friends, hit them up and go out!
I wouldn’t worry too much about who texts you and not. There are more things important in life than worrying how many people text you per day. It might actually be the reasons why this girl have people keep texting hers. It could be business talks, advices, gossiping, or whatever.
Find out what’s your passion, then ask others what’s theirs. When you find the common ground, then it’s easier to discuss on things.
Also, sometimes curiosity can drive people mad. If you are close to the girl, just ask her what they were texting out of curiosity. She could either tell you what the topics of texts are or tell you to mind your own business. Maybe either path will help you move on to focus on different things.
This comment section reminds me why half of yall are on this sub.
Dude, you need to figure out that just because you are having interactions with people, doesn’t mean that they will consider you anymore than anyone else due to the frequency of your contact. Wanting to be and being someone desirable for conversation is completely different. Honestly you sound like someone needy for attention, you dont appeal to people by waving until they notice, make yourself something more and you’ll figure out if you even want that attention.
THIS IS EXACTLY MY SITUATION Right NOW. I want people to talk to me more, I feel so lonely omg and jealous when I see people texting and getting tons of notifications. Like I’m too scared to iniate the convo because I feel like I’m a huge burden and annoying and I keep thinking they will judge me so I dont say anything
If you want attention go on a dating app. Swipe for likes and get likes back. You dont have to message them but if you want more notifications and messages from randoms, do it. Or you could find a hobby or people with common interests as you and make more friends.
Better than a wet phone
This comment section mostly sucks. I feel this way too — I have a decent amount of friends and always hang out w groups of people on the weekends, go to parties, etc, but I don’t get hit up often at all (it took a lot of effort and years to get to this point). Compare that to my boyfriend who always seems to have people sending him stuff on IG, texting him to hang out, etc.
I’ve thought a lot about this and I think part of it is that he has a bunch of more surface level friendships where they mostly interact on IG. His conversations tend to be really quick, low effort. Whereas when I communicate it tends to be more meaty. So I think people naturally text me less bc it’s more cognitive effort involved. Also he tends to bring a lot of “social value” so people hit him up more. Like he is the type of person that can get more people to come out. It’s a network effect of popularity I suppose. And again he’s someone who is easy and fun to be around. My personality is more muted, which is totally fine but when you’re like that you just naturally are not going to be that “life of the party” person.
I’ve more or less made peace with the fact that most people won’t reach out to me first, so I focus the most of my efforts on the friends that will. And then I’m content to just chill with people I am not as close with on the weekends. In some ways it’s better just seeing people in person anyway and ignoring the texting stuff.
Let me give u the advice i had.
I used to be the guy who texts dozen of people at the same time and my phone cant stop ringing, where in reality, most of them are from work where its not literally “friend”, but rather people asking me questions
I would think differently about things. Say hi and let people know you care. If they don’t respond that’s on them. You did your part and told someone you were thinking about them. Most times its them and not you.
Focus on yourself, and people will form. Better yourself, find interests other than wanting other people, and people that share those interests will start to pop up in your life. This interest will put a shared meaning to the friendship
I stopped messaging my ‘best friend’ and now we rarely talk
People are lame and i dunno whether I prefer being alone or not
as an IT person… or even a normal person, that title was weird 😛
I had this mindset too when I looked at people’s snap scores. Then I realized most snaps are streaks and random selfies. Don’t worry about it. People will appreciate it when you take the initiative to text them.
I feel this way a lot of days. But i try to look at it from another angle. If I’m going through a rough time like depression or having a hard time with anxiety i don’t text anyone back at all. I dunno why that is but maybe that’s the case here. I’m sure not every single person you know is depressed and going through something but you just never know so i wouldn’t take it too personal . Reach out a couple times and if they ignore you well quit trying and move on. Why would you want to bug the hell out of someone until they hang out or text back or be the only one trying to have a relationship/friendship with someone and it always be one sided and end up not working anyways. Keep your head held high and if someone wants to hang out with you then let them reach out. Sure it’s okay to reach out every now and then and try to make plans but you can usually tell if the person wants to or not. I never talk to anyone because quite frankly a lot of people are shitty and hate to see someone doing well and who wants people like that in their life anyways. I will say when i did have a lot of friends and phone was blowing up a lot of the times it was drama. No thanks.
Most people don’t understand that being alone and being lonely are two seperate things. This year has been the loneliest of my life. I had the exact thoughts you’re having now. Were humans and we need community, we need togetherness. When we don’t get that it feels like were starving but we can just order friends for delivery.
Two things I’ve learned form this lonely year, firstly is that I felt empty because my friends weren’t really well suited to who I was, what I needed and who I wanted to be. Second is that I need to take care of 99% of my own needs. I had to sit, draw, write, learn (learning is a good one) and through that I found a job at an art supply store, and connected with the people there. It took a year to form close bonds with those people but friendship takes a long time. The time I was alone, I found out I needed it. I couldn’t have become the more independent person I am today if I wasn’t forced to be alone.
PS. The people in my life now that I consider my found family that I have a profound and loving connection with don’t text me every day. Consider that that might not be a good indicator if you’re worth it or not
I used to feel this way, and i realized it was mainly happening cause I don’t text cause I actually do not like communicating over the phone. You may just be a more face to face person that doesn’t really get anything out texting.
I know that feeling but that’s pretty much everyone when you grow up. I don’t know your age but I’m 19 there’s no reason I should be having 10 text messages a day it isn’t high school anymore. When you adult you mostly text your significant other every day and your friends and family everyone once in a while. learn to be less on your phone. Because even if 10 people sent you text messages what would you even talk about. Do you really want 10 people sending you TikTok’s every day. Try to delete your socials or just spend less time on it. It will help with your FOMO.
Trade offer. You get: people initiate texts with you all the time. They get: incredibly enthusiastic responses every time, even if what they say is trivial and boring. Genuine interest in whatever is happening in their lives. Sometimes, when they need to rant, you sit there and text back for an hour or two.
I wanted the same, to have people texting me all the time. I made one friend via texting, a life-of-the-party extrovert who really did have a huge social circle and she received texts all the time. The requisite, I realized, was that natural enthusiasm she had, which would be hell for me to imitate. It’s a give and take, and I’m just not willing to pay that price
I can literally go weeks/months without speaking to people unless I reach out.
I’m fine with it in a way because I have high anxiety and depression so, sometimes I intentionally stay to myself but never without warning and never for more than a month if I’m really struggling. After awhile I start to feel guilty and force myself to message people so they don’t worry.
It kinda sucks because nobody ever asks if I’m ok during either period of time and even my mom is very short with me and somehow even if I visit her at her house the pastor will show up and she’ll be too busy and will get annoyed when I say I’m going to head out after an hour of just playing with her bird alone or I’ll txt her and get “I’m busy, try again tomorrow”.
A couple weeks ago my therapist implied that people don’t talk to me as much as she thinks I should speak to people because I’m not reaching out and I’m like, dude I literally just told you I’m always the one that initiates…
Tl;dr
I feel your pain in a way
I feel like this is something most people struggle with once you’re out of school where you’re forced to be around people and talk to them everyday. Everyone get busy with their jobs and lives, that becomes their priority now. Never really understood how people kept relationships with others where they talk everyday until recently. I always make friends really easily and have always had a lot of people in my circle but never had the courage to open up to anyone, therefore no one really got to know me very well so after a while I realized that I was the one keeping everyone at arms reach. It’s really difficult to open up and make those connections with people and I’m still learning! It’s hard to understand people. But my only suggestion is to maybe dive into a hobby that is social or somewhat social… something that you really enjoy doing and make some friends you enjoy doing it with.
Making new friends might be a little easier to
Open up to because they don’t have preconceived prescriptions of you and your life. It’s like having a fresh start. Hope that helps a little bit and I wish you all the luck on your journey. Keep your head up