I honestly wish someone could watch how I interact with people on a day to day basis and tell me what I could be doing wrong. As far as I know, I’m not doing anything wrong. But for some reason, people just act weird around me sometimes. And I can never manage to maintain any friendships.
I work as a cashier, and a lot of times, I’ll have a pleasant interaction with a customer, and then at the end when they’re leaving and I wish them a good day, suddenly, they seem to get all cold and say “You as well” instead of “You too”. I know I might be reading too much into it, but it just seems like a distant and less friendly thing to say than the latter.
I just don’t know, guys. All I want is to change. That’s what I’ve wanted for 10 years now, and it just never seems to happen, no matter what I read or if I do anything to change my behavior.
8 comments
I generally don’t make eye contact as I say “have a nice day” to the cashier when I buy stuff. Don’t read too much into it, it’s not personal.
I think to some people shopping is private. It’s what you do to get things for your living and you don’t like to meet people as you’re shopping always. At least I get rather avoidant.
I have the same problem! I just assumed I suck at saying good-bye, but there is definitely something Im doing wrong. I just dont know what it is…
On some days, I can socialize like its nobody’s business. Other days I feel so awkward and useless, and most interactions are weird and inconsistent.
Im getting over being depressed and some of the awkward habits that I gained during that period definitely affect how people treat me.
A couple things Ive noticed so far is that I dont always make eye contact when appropriate and I sometimes speak softly/mumble. Its probably from that year+ where I lost a bunch of friends, gained a lot of weight, and people stopped respecting/listening to me.
Still, I cant seem to attract friends like I used to. Unless they are very patient people who think my quirks are funny or they dont mind them.
One thing I did a little while ago was film myself doing normal things. I filmed myself eating breakfast and saw that I was slouching, appeared sad, and jittery. I hated seeing myself like that but it was definitely a wake-up call. Im trying to change, but on the inside, I am sad. And that has been holding me back for a looong time now. The people Im around now have NO CLUE about my past and dont seem to care (which is fine and expected) but sometimes I just wish I could tell them about the last 2-3 years of my life so they could have some perspective other than labeling me as an awkward person who was born this way.
I hope we both find help, just know youre not the only one who feels this way.
If you think ‘you as well’ is a colder response from a customer than ‘you too’ you are overly sensitive and easily hurt. I can’t imagine how thinking/feeling this way translates with friends or people you’re trying to befriend, my goodness.
I strongly recommend the book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz to help you with this issue.
I ignore people who seems needy or they dont come as genuine, maybe its whats happening to you I think you should read the book How to win friend and influence people, a summary is being interested in them, smile, be good listener, say their name and dont be needy towards them, like dont do all of this because you want them to be your friends but do it because its how you want to threat people.
You will eventually find cool friend who enjoy being with you just go to places you like to be in, like take courses for stuff you wanted to do and you find people with common interest and you make friends that way and possibly a Gf.
Good luck.
Hi there, you might actually be a HSP (a Highly Sensitive Person). There are podcasts on iTunes by Kelly O and there is a book written by Elaine Aron, which are really helpful. Also look up /r/hsp here on reddit and see if others’ stories resonate with you. You sound very much like me, and I am a highly sensitive person who doesn’t have any real friends, feels awkward and has always wanted to ‘change’ and ‘transform’ into a better, normal person who can talk to others easily and is confident. Just look into it, it might really help and you might finally stop beating yourself up.
Maybe this will help? https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/48j5c9/how_i_make_friends_even_though_i_ami_was_awkward/
Also, with cashier work, you don’t get much face time with a customer. Also, they have to deal with payment, and watching the till ticker so it’s an odd place to put together something meaningful. I’m also a mild germaphobe so I’m constantly watching how the cashier handles my food.
Don’t beat yourself up. Maybe get out of the cashier/customer environment and some place where interaction can take place over more time.
You are reading way to much into this.
Hey i don’t know if you still come on here but this is the reason https://heavenawaits.wordpress.com/do-people-hate-you-on-sight/ i got here by typing people ignore/hate you for no reason. It also says it the bible. Me and my sis were trying to figure it out our whole lives. I’m 20 and my sis 15 right now so this is a never ending situation. I need you to understand that the reason why you are going through this is that you have the holy spirit which is the Lord himself guarding you because he see’s that you have a good spirit. The rest of the people who have treated you differently hate that you are being nice because they have a bad spirit and can see who’s with the Lord and who is not. It might also be that you yourself could also have a bad spirit attached to you and they think you are like them and are annoyed that you are trying to be overly nice. Just remember there is a unseen spirit world and the coming days are near so you will see Evil be good and good be evil. God watches everybody so he is protecting those who are with him and believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Even for me I’ve settled with the fact that I will never have a good friend so i’m just taking a commerce degree online and getting into buying or fashion styling and that’s it. I know who I am and I’m not going to change who I am for no one and neither should you. By the way you should also know that everyone actually does know each other. Ever heard of the last truman show? People are going to ignore you online or in real life because they actually know your spirit. There are thousands upon thousands going through the same situation as you and there are way more people with bad spirits than good so you’ll definitely feel alone. So please don’t change who you are for anybody. With the holy spirit within you why should you fear man?