How do you not lose your own identity when you like/date someone?

11 comments

1. be independent from them. don’t be at their disposal, live your life and do your hobbies like you would if you were single, and then you have someone to talk to and sleep next to at the end of the day. sometimes you can even do your hobbies together. but don’t let your feelings for them overtake your responsibility to yourself to live a life that they are only a singular part of. they’re not your whole world, and if your life has arranged itself that way, you’ve done yourself an injustice

2. [removed]

3. I’ve never been that type of person but I still worry sometimes. Thing is, I don’t revolve anything around anybody. My relationship doesn’t define anything about me or my identity. I am me. Nobody can change that.

4. It helps to have a strong sense of self before you start dating. Then when you’re with someone, keep doing things and connecting with the people who make your life one that you want to live. A good partner will build you up, not try to suppress or erase you.

5. Indulge in your own hobbies. Create your own memories with friends and family. Admire their hobbies and passions. Express desires and enjoy their company. Acknowledge their self respect, honesty and what they would bring to a future relationship. Finally, share what you enjoyed about them.

6. I think one piece of advice I can give is to make plans with your friends independently of him, and encourage him to do the same. I mean it’s great when everyone can get together too, but aim to spend at least one night a week out with friends without him.

7. I still have friends and do my hobbies and enjoy my life as I did before the relationship. I don’t revolve my life around them. I only add them to it.

   Just like I don’t expect them to revolve around me.

   I look at it as they are dating me so they like me. If they wanted something different they would be dating them and not me. If they try to change me then they aren’t for me.

8. Keep doing separate hobbies

   Keep in contact with friends that are just your friends (not just mutual friends)

9. Keep doing things youve always enjoyed before them. Keep in touch w your friends, keep doing the things youve always done for you. Or explore new ones on your own

10. “How to not ‘give in’ to a point where your life totally revolves around them…”

    If you’re being pressured by someone to revolve your life around them you need to leave them. If someone tries to guilt you, control you, isolate you, you need to run the hell away and never look back.

11. I just want to say I’m proud of you for using the word “lose” and not “loose.” You’ve added a luminous grain of hope in the dark chasm of my ever diminishing faith in humanity.