How I improved my small talk skills in 3 Steps

I’m an introvert and I used to suck at small talk, although I know how important the skill is.

I work in data science and I can talk about data with confidence. But when it comes to topics that are outside of my area I found it’s impossible for me to start/continue a conversation. I don’t know how others schmooze with people and build “personal connections”. This has cost me a lot of personal and business opportunities.

Here are the three steps I’ve taken in the past six months to improve it that really worked well for me.

**First**, I started practicing 1-2 minute impromptu speaking every day by myself.

I started by looking for questions on “random question generator” (there are a bunch of them that you can easily google) or just using questions on [r/AskReddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/) and responding to them out loud for one minute. I would even record myself and assess how I did. I did it whenever I’m free when I was driving or doing chores. I think the keys to practicing by yourself are:

1. Respond to the question right away. The impromptu design is to imitate real-life conversation
2. Limit the time under 2 minutes and move on to the next one. Because you are training your skill of speaking to different topics, not drilling deep into one topic.
3. Speak out loud. because the skill of just coming up with an answer in your mind is very different from actually articulating it.

**Second**, join online groups that do impromptu speaking games. Practicing by yourself works great because you have the flexibility, but at the end of the day, you need to put it into social settings.

There are online groups out there that do impromptu speaking games such as table topics, Mafia, talking points, etc. One discord group that does this and I really like is called “The Mouthfuls”. Their events are quite well organized. The questions they give are slightly out of my comfort zone but not too challenging, and I have so much fun doing these practices:

* “You are the first acupuncture practitioner in the world. Convinced your first patient.”
* “You are in charge of naming generations. What’s after Gen Z and why?”
* “What is the complete opposite of Batman?”
* “Which one scares you more? Your mom calling your full name or your girlfriend saying ‘I’m fine, and why”.

These groups are great in that:

1. You practice with people who want to improve in this area as well. It’s always great to have a supportive community and grow together
2. You get to give and get feedback from each other which is a great way to improve. You also get to observe how others do it, so you can learn from them.
3. You get to practice in a social setting that is comfortable and low risk for you.
4. You get to have the exposure every day

**Third.** When you are comfortable enough speaking and gained more confidence, go out to real-life social events such as networking events and talk to people. It’s important to transition from online to in-person events because the non-verbal part is just on another level and so much more to learn and practice. In my city there are plenty of them once in a while and over the weekends, with people from different industries. I would go and talk to people, learn about what they do and test out what I’ve learned in the last two steps. These events are great for small talk skills because:

1. People there are from diverse backgrounds, great for your practice
2. People go there to talk to people, so they have more intention to talk to you
3. People there are strangers so low stake for you. Also, you can leave whenever you want.

It’s been working well for me and now I’m more confident in small talk. I sensed that now I can come up with things to say even if I don’t have a deep understanding of the topic. It’s all ok to share my personal perspectives. I’ve also learned to ask better questions to keep the conversation going. But small talk, communication and speaking and self-improvement is an ongoing process, so always rinse and repeat what worked for you when you feel rusty. You won’t just magically acquire a skill in a couple of weeks. Consistency is key.

Good luck improving!