I [28m] have been with my wife [F35] for 7 years. She’s the only girl I’ve ever kissed/slept/had a relationship with and we have a house and 2 cats together. She is the love of my life and my everything, however our sex life is very vanilla and she barely wants it once a month.
When we do have sex, she does not like any foreplay/kissing/romance, she just expects me to be hard at her command without any affection which I just cannot do. She literally always only wants me on top and wants me to jizz within 30 seconds to get it over and done with. In the first 2 years into our relationship she developed a condition which made her feel way too tight to the point where sex is painful for me and leaves me feel like I have a bad carpet burn on my penis.
I feel like this just cannot be all the sex I’ll ever experience in my life, yet I feel super guilty knowing she has a condition which is out of her control which makes it painful for her and she not wanting to have sex anymore.
She often tells me of stories where with her exes she had an absolutely wild sex life but she’s over it now that she’s with me, to the point where in her words, sex is just a “chore” she has to put up with.
Because she has this condition I feel way too guilty using it against her, but I’m seriously struggling with this lack of affection and consideration with my sexual needs knowing she was so different with every previous partner she’s had.
Am I overreacting and being a typical male piece of crap? Am I justified? I don’t know what else is out there or how to approach this. She dismisses every attempt at talking about sex with me and brushes me off whenever I raise that I have my own needs. I don’t wank or watch porn, but she feels if she doesn’t need sex, then I don’t. This is just getting too much but I feel guilty and terrible for feeling this way. How should I approach this?
TL:dr my wife is not affectionate or inclined to have sex after her condition.
6 comments
Your sex life sounds absolutely horrible and no you should not have to live that way. Medical condition or not your wife is incredibly selfish and cares nothing for your needs. She can’t even kiss you? Give you a blow job or a hand job? Do you think she even loves you? Is she using you for financial support?
You’re not wrong for wanting a better sex life. Can her condition be helped in any way?
She seems kind of selfish IMHO. (I’m female. Been with a male partner who didn’t care at all about my needs.)
Maybe couples therapy is warranted.
Has she been to a doctor for this condition?
You’ve been dealt a difficult situation. My partner has a medical condition where he can’t perform. It might only last a while or it might be forever. It’s difficult for us both.
Your wife might be feeling bad about herself becuase of her condition.
Hopefully some others have good advice for you.
No, you are not overreacting and if she feels it is a chore, then she just wants a roommate.
She needs therapy and a second opinion from her doctor.