Other than the obvious betrayal of trust. Is there an element of feeling inadequate and comparing yourself to the guy she cheated on you with? Any other things about it that hurt you?

44 comments

  1. Two things.

    I’m pretty easy to talk to and I pride myself on communication. She didn’t respect me enough to break it off before cheating on me.

    The second is the lies she said after cheating. I love you, I’d never hurt you, etc.

    I don’t care why she cheated, no excuse would be acceptable.

  2. There’s two ways to look at it really.

    1- You can be hurt and angry, betrayed etc and that’s fine AT FIRST.

    2- realize that she/he did you a favor and you are no longer wasting your time with a lying, selfish asshole who isn’t worth your time or years of your life.

  4. I lived my entire life feeling not good enough,
    She always made sure I felt good.
    And I was happy you know?
    I treated her as good as was possible.
    I loved her, I would have done everything just to get the chance to make her happy even if its for one second.
    I was depressed my entire life prior to meeting her and for the first time in my life I thought I wanted to grow old, just so I’ll have more time with her.
    And while I wanted her and planned on asking her to marry me, she wanted other men.

    I never felt as hurt as I did after that.

  8. Honestly, the damage it did to me that persisted into my next relationship. My first ex cheated and I thought my second ex was (she wasn’t). I hadn’t overcome the feelings, drank too much, and completely ruined my second ex 21st Bday. Her friends planned a whole surprise party and we were supposed to all go out afterwards. I didn’t get into the club, blacked out, puked everywhere, and almost got arrested

  9. I guess I kinda wasn’t surprised about it so I didn’t sustain any damage

  11. Her reassuring me that nothing will happen.

    A week after it happened, she admits that she started liking someone else, And promised me that

    •she’ll try her best to lose her feelings toward said person

    • will stay by my side and love me

    Well we know what happened next

  12. You know I think if people waited till they were in there late 20’s or even 30 to get in a relationship there would be less cheating, you gotta shop around a little to get the best deal…there’s always exceptions to the rule but hay live a little have fun then settle down..

  14. The cheating itself didn’t hurt. What hurt was she tried to hide and when I found out she tried to lie that it wasn’t planned (I knew it was), then she tried to hide that she kept talking to the guy, then when confronted she tried in front of me to hide the chat creating a secret chat on telegram and when I confronted her about she said she didn’t “thought” what she was doing. It still hurts.

  15. My ribs, couldn’t they have found a different place to cheat rather than right on top of me?

  16. Her “I don’t give a fuck what I did or how I made you feel” type reaction she had. Took her years to apologize and understand how badly she affected my confidence and ability to trust in the dating world.

    I’m doing a bit better now though!

  17. For me it was more the loss of the friendship (she slept with my best friend).

  18. The trust breaking. Unrepairable with that particular person. But it doesn’t break trust with all people. At least not for me. I got cheated on and I left. I’m pretty upfront that trust can’t be restored and found someone that would never break it.

  20. To my knowledge, I haven’t been and don’t recall thinking it could be happening as all previous have ended amicably. I’m neuroticly cautious about who I’ve entered a relationship with due to my childhood.

    But if I had what would hurt the most is that I didn’t see it. I missed something that allowed me to enter the relationship with such a person

  21. I think what hurt me the most was how we were together a few years, and overnight she broke up with me when she found my replacement. It was like we had built a house together and she burned it down and left me with the rubble while she went to some other house. She got to do the crime while I cleaned up.

  22. Honestly, nothing. Even when my ex wife did it I knew there were signs and I just walked away. It’s not worth the effort to waste emotion on someone who clearly cares little for yours.

  23. That she tried gaslighting me about it. That I forgave her and she did it again. That we have children together.

    Honestly it was all horrible. I wish I would have left her sooner.

  24. Well, I was in the dry for 1,5 years. Turns out, she was banging some dude from work. This is what really hurt.

  25. Seriously it’s the self doubt and every single insecurity that ever crept into my brain. Complete loss of confidence and the status you thought you had. But that’s also the best part too because it gave me the opportunity to recognize the insecurities, single them out, and crush each one. I’m glad she cheated now that she’s gone and I’m with much better.

  26. I gave up everything for her, I moved halfway across the country because she wanted too.

    I sat at home by myself thanksgiving 2015 with all 3 of my boys all under 3. She was across state with her friend for Thanksgiving fucking her friends brother.

    She blamed me for it, it was my fault she cheated, it was my fault she couldn’t be faithful.
    I loved her more than anything, I basically worshipped the ground she walked upon, she was the most beautiful goddess in my eyes.
    She betrayed me for a guy who ended up being a physically abusive piece of shit. But as she said he was a “real man”

  27. When she cheated on me, it was not because of me or anything I did. She cheated because **SHE is a fucking dirtbag**.

    I was angry at myself for being with her in the first place.

    The only pain was dealing with her lawyer in the divorce.

  28. Two things:

    It really was partially my fault. I could’ve handled the distance better, and not added more strain on the relationship.

    The real kicker, I don’t believe for a second she was sorry or regretted it.

    She’s gone from my life now, but that’s a wound that has yet to fully heal, despite it being 10 years later.

  29. The fact that I knew I should’ve moved on prior but didn’t because I didn’t want to start over. Honestly being more disappointed in yourself

  30. The biggest thing is that she disrespected you and it’s the same if you did it to her.

    If you don’t love me tell me don’t lie about it.

  31. She counted her number of affairs. I was sure she was having an affair, but she denied and denied. By the time I figured out who it was, he told me he wasn’t the first, but the fourth. I asked him who the other 3 were and he said he didn’t know, she just refers to them as number 1, 2, and 3. He was number 4. That hurt.

    The accusations that were really confessions hurt too. I never cheated on her, but I was accused of it.

    I still struggle at times with trust 7 years and 3 relationships later.

  32. Realizing I should have trusted my gut. Multiple warning signs from my guy over the length of the relationship. And after my eyes were opened I could look back see the warning signs for what they were and realized I was a naive clueless idiot.

  35. I suppose there is a little comparing. But it’s not mostly about that for me. The amount of disrespect. The lack of love. The complete lack of empathy for what it meant to me… the waste of time we spent that far into the relationship. She blamed me, and it was 100% on her, her feelings, yet she took none of the blame. She was so focused on fulfilling some ideal image in her mind, that she didn’t care of the real people in her life. She didn’t care what the consequences were going to be. Afterwards, she seriously thought she did right. That she would’ve been completely justified. I had some feelings of inadequacy. But those were fleeting, transient.

  36. Honestly it’s that I don’t want to see you as being so stupid and weak, because at one point I loved you and told other people you were worthwhile and it’s a huge waste of time and energy. I don’t like to feel such a level of disrespect.

  37. The part that fucked me up the most wasn’t the lack of trust in other people. It was the lack of trust in my own judgment. I know other people won’t all be like her. But I’ll always be second guessing myself. I’ll always be second guessing whether I put the rose colored glasses back on. Whether I can trust my own judgment.

  39. I’ve been drawn as the bad guy. 4 women over 17 years. All of them cheated on me, I’m the only one who knows and when I left every one of them drug me through the dirt. They lied on me. It cost me a place to live, jobs and so many friends and it cost me time with my kids. There are people who legitimately spit at me if they see me. I’m a stand up guy who wouldn’t do that shit. I am the cheating bad guy in so many stories. It’s finally coming out but for me the damage was done and it’s ongoing. Even though people now know the truth, I’ve gotten 1 apology. 1. I literally lost everything and all my friends because they believed the lying cheating narcissists.

  40. The fact that she told me she was convinced all men were the same, so I showed her otherwise and she still played me.

  41. It was the fact that she didn’t even make an attempt to stop it and continued it. She threw away a four year relationship for a guy who can’t hold a job and never showers

  43. Knowing I was better in every way than the other guy is what fucked me up.

    That meant that I couldn’t improve. I couldn’t get more attention than him for any reason. Was no way to ‘win’.

  44. I realized that it reflects on their insecurity more than any perceived inadequacy. But it was my first relationship longer than 6 months so it bothered me for a while with self doubt. I guess I still sort of live with it in a way. I have to remind myself that I don’t need to put in extra effort to deserve loyalty. I deserve to not be cheated on, by default. If someone breaks that, that is generally their serious issue, in my opinion.

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