Tldr: both 22, been together nearly two years
Title covers it really. I can’t stop thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend and wondering what my life would look like if I was single. I wonder if I’m becoming complacent with him, if being single would push me to try more things and make new friends in my city. He is genuinely such a kind person and we have a lot in common, both really into fitness and the gym, love travelling, very career driven, I like how ambitious he is.
He’s open and sensitive in a way very, very few men are and it’s such a refreshing change. He’s incredibly sweet and understanding. I have a lot of friends but not many in my city and I worry that I would become really lonely if we broke up.
He’s the 3rd person I’ve ever slept with and I wonder if I’m missing out because of that, I’m bisexual and have never really explored that because most of the time I’ve been with a guy and the longest I was ever single was during the pandemic so I couldn’t explore things then ofc.
Recently it’s silly little things that have been getting under my skin about him. He barely ever says please or thank you to wait staff and it makes me cringe every time. He can be pretty cheap and I worry that our future would consist of him nickel and diming me constantly and potentially screwing me over financially if we were ever to have kids or if I got sick as I’ve had a history of medical issues. We went out for my brothers birthday yesterday and he didn’t think to buy him a single drink, the sheer lack of generosity really put me off him.
I want to propose some time apart or a break but I know those are just what people do when trying to delay the inevitable. I don’t know what to do. Because I genuinely love him and for a time, strongly believed we would really end up together and I want that back.
We have a holiday together in a month and we’re supposed to be moving in together in September. I know that when people move in, a ring is usually on the cards within the next couple years and I don’t know how I feel about that. That being said, I really can’t imagine finding someone as kind and sweet as he is, and he hasn’t done anything *bad* so I don’t know why I feel like this.
3 comments
Cheap and non-generous partners are very wearing to live with; money is a huge dealbreaking issue. But if he’s as open and sensitive as you say, what does he say when you talk about these things with him? I can’t square an open and sensitive person with a person who you would also fear would screw you over financially…? You are only 22 — plenty of time left. Perhaps this guy isn’t it for you? At 22, you are growing & changing year over year. So many young relationships don’t (and should not) last. If you’ve seen sides of him you don’t like, and your eyes have been opened, you can’t get that initial feeling (forged when you didn’t really know him) back.
If you’re having doubts now, you should probably not move in together. Start asking him questions about your comcerns. Sometimes it’s better to argue (rationally and calmly) than to just let things slide.
You say that he’s kind and sweet but also say that he’s mean with money (is cheap, won’t even buy a beer on your brother’s birthday) and lacks basic manners (how he treats wait staff and – I’m guessing – anyone else he sees as less worthy). In other words he’s kind and sweet to YOU and everyone else can go hang. But your turn will come. The moment he becomes set on the idea that you aren’t going anywhere no matter what he does, he’ll start creeping those behaviours into your relationship. When you stop being useful or entertaining. If you get sick. If life is hard for you and you are stressing out and need more support. If you have personal money issues. Just because you are at the back of the queue for his bad behaviour doesn’t mean you aren’t in the queue at all nor does it mean that life can’t bump you up a few places without warning.
Listen to those itchy feet and move on.