BF (33) is 5 years sober and I’m (30) 3 years sober. I recently tried Hop Water (non-alcoholic brew) and like it. BF says he doesn’t want me drinking it because it’s too close to beer. I really like the taste of it and want to drink it. I said I wouldn’t drink it around him if the smell bothered him but he said he doesn’t want me drinking it at all even if I’m not around him. Is this reasonable or controlling?
9 comments
He’s allowed to not like it. He doesn’t get to “let” you do anything though. He’s not your dad.
It’s super controlling. It should not even force you not to drink any type of drink.
It sounds to me like he’s jealous you get to drink it and he doesn’t
Even tho he could
As a 8.5 year sober ex-alcoholic, this is a sensitive area for me. And understandably so, right? For both of you too, I’m sure. It’s normal that feelings get stirred up. If he said “don’t wear that dress, it’s too sexy” or something, that’s controlling. But this is obviously related to a very specific issue which understandably brings shit up.
I think y’all need to have a chat about it. What is it about it that bothers him? Is he worried it will lead to alcoholic beverages? Does it personally bother him to be around it? What is it? And then you explain your position (“I like it but don’t plan to drink real alcohol” or whatever it may be). If you explain it and you listen to him, ultimately at the end of the day it’s your decision. But yeah off the cuff I’d give him a pass, it’s a sensitive topic, and just try to clear the air about it. Because strong feelings are involved it may take more than one conversation. Even if it’s seems minor, when it comes to alcoholism / sobriety, IMO it’s not.
Hope this helps.
reasonable
he’s 5 years sober, but, it’s still “day by day”
the presence of even non-alcoholic booze in the house could weaken his resolve to avoid booze
Let?
It’s unreasonable and very controlling. His sobriety is his responsibility. He is still doing the alcoholic thing of putting responsibility on everyone but him
It is controlling.
That said, when my ex was in rehab they strongly recommended against even non alcoholic beer because it is not 100% alcohol free. For some people that can be a very slippery slope.
He’s allowed to not like it and have that as a boundary but that doesn’t mean you have to agree with it. But if you don’t more than likely this will end your relationship sooner or later. Not saying that you should give into him. Just saying that despite it seemingly being a minor issue it really isn’t and it will likely mean you’re no longer compatible.
This is why I quit AA after 10+ years. Got so sick and tired of the judgy, controlling horseshit.