Hello! My name is Sen, im 18 and i have Autism and Anxiety which lead me to be an easily manipulateable, people-pleaser type to avoid abuse that inevitably run into.
Due to this i have been taken advantage of, abused in all categories, and really seen the true colours of people I meet, and i cannot see it coming because my brain works differently. People just see that i work differently and treat me badly..
Is there any subtle things i should catch? Or notice? Or things i should do to keep myself safe?
Thank you for the advice..
– Sen
3 comments
Something I would suggest you look for is someone will to see and learn how your autism makes you who you are. A lot of people know some characteristic which can be just a stereotype and then they think they know everything about you. You need to make sure the person is will to learn who you are. If they act like they know everything about Autism then run. Definitely watch out for people who want to have a physical relationship right away. Don’t be afraid to tell potential partners what exactly you are looking for and expecting. You should write them down for yourself to remember and reference. Test them by setting a simple boundary and see if they respect it and follow it. If they cannot respect a small boundary then they have no intentions respecting you. Telling them “no” and watching how they react can show you a lot about a person. If they keep pushing and not taking a “no” face value then they aren’t going to be a safe person to continue to see.
I don’t have an answer, I wish I did, but I’m in the same situation. I’m not on the spectrum but I do have mental illness. I’ve been used and/or rejected in relationships my entire life.
I want you to know that you’re not alone and that you are worthy of love just as you are. You deserve all the happiness this world has to offer and someone to share it with, someone that gives your heart so much joy.
I’ll be following this thread too because I could also use someone to teach me the right way to be… we’ve got this!
Hi love. Dating is very tricky for most people. The number one piece of advice that I can give is to be completely straightforward with what you are looking for in a relationship. This will weed out a lot of the people who you are incompatible with. Also, since you say you are a people pleaser, it is definitely okay to say no to things you are uncomfortable with. You do not owe anybody anything. I know with autism (my brother has it) it’s hard to read social cues at times, but if you notice a red flag, trust your gut instinct on how to move forward with the situation. Another thing, Always meet in a public place if you are online dating. Stay safe out there and good luck.