For context of the relationship, I’m 20 and she’s 21. The relationship hasn’t been very long, only a couple of months, though with her I feel something special. I haven’t lied to her about anything else up to this point and I’d like to know what I can do.
When we first met I told her that I lived in a small condo, which is true. And that I lived with a roommate who split the rent with me, which is also true. What I didn’t tell her though is that my parents are the ones who own the condo, and that my first two months rent were free due to me having absolutely zero money in my bank (they refused to let me get a job due to Covid and I worked for them for awhile w no pay). I was embarrassed by this, I have no idea why but I was, and I didn’t want her to know. But yesterday I decided to tell her and she got really angry with me
I feel bad, a lie is still a lie and I understand how she’s feeling. It wasn’t right, but I don’t know how to make it right. Can anyone who’s ever been in this situation before give me advice on how to make it up to her?
(TL;DR: I made a small lie about something that was stupid and my gf is now upset with me. I don’t know what to do and I need advice)
Edit1: I never told her I owned the place, only that I was renting. I’ve been here awhile and it’s been past those 2 months so I’ve been paying some rent for sure. Also my roommate is a guy who got me a job working night shift at Safeway to get started and he’s very nice!
Edit2: There isn’t more to this than what I’m saying here (I’m not leaving out crucial details), I guess after listening to everyone here it seems like she’s angry over something silly. Regardless I’ve apologized and allowed her some space. Hopefully it goes well
27 comments
I don’t even think this is a lie? Why does it matter who owns the condo if you are paying rent? Are your “roommates” your parents?
I don’t know why she feels you should have immediately informed her that the landlords are your parents, unless you’d led her to believe that you owned the condo yourself outright.
I certainly don’t think it’s any of her business that at some point they didn’t make you pay rent for two months.
She sounds kind of stupid….
I also don’t understand what she’s angry about?
Theres nothing for her to be angry about…? Did she tell you who owned her home/apartment when you first started dating? Did she explain her financial status in full detail to you?
You didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing about living in a condo that your parents own is embarrassing or dishonest, & frankly it isn’t her business after only a few months of dating.
Unless she explicitly asked you who owned your condo & whether you paid the first 2 months of rent there, & you lied to those 2 questions, then I don’t see how you’ve lied to her.
This is not a lie and you have no obligation to tell someone new in your life all your financial circumstances.
Imo this barely even qualifies as an omission. It is not standard to tell a new partner the details of your leasing arrangements and “My parents spotted me two months rent once after I spent some time working for them without pay” is not information she would need to know to evaluate you as a partner. Unless you’re leaving something major out, it is at best odd that she is angry about this.
Was expecting something a bit more than well nothing to be honest
I super do not understand this. The right reaction is, ‘Wow OP, your parents sound really great! I can’t wait to meet them!’
That ain’t a lie dude. You don’t owe her every single detail of your life before you knew her and what has led you to where you are now. As you get closer to her, it’s natural to reveal more about yourself. She’s acting very immaturely
Unless you said that you owned it yourself, I don’t see how this is even her business this early in the relationship. Did she ask you if your parents own the condo and you said “no”? Because that is a lie. But if what you wrote above is really what happened, then I don’t see a lie.
I think we may be missing information?
I was prepared to blame you from the title but then I read it, dude you didn’t lie about shit and I don’t know why she even considers this information noteworthy assuming your making money and paying rent now
Maybe she thinks oh if he lies to me about something this small maybe he’ll lie about other things too? Idk seems like I’m missing something
Everyone immediately saying she’s a gold digger or something. I doubt that. She’s probably the kind of girl who thinks that living in your parents property and “acting” like you’re a regular salt of the earth working guy is not super noble. I’m sure at the end of the day everyone is as jealous as your gf is that you’re privileged to have property owning parents, but it does make you seem kind of like an out of touch spoiled prince in today’s young adult world. I don’t really think you’re a victim, and she certainly isnt. but I definitely think its a bit douchey to complain about this
Ask her straight?
Only she knows the reason and most of advices from here will confuse you and can lead to cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
Questions
How long are you together?
How close are you?
There are a few things I would tell after a specific time.
These are things that have nothing to do with her. She is not entitled to know every single detail of your business just because you’re dating. At a couple months you’re still finding out who each other is. I would see this as a red flag, the type of relationship where you can’t have privacy and she has to be involved or know about or approve of every single little detail. Been there, it gets old.
….it’s really common for your rent to be paid or partially paid by your parents during university years? I definitely did not pay my first year residence.
Like to be upset a 20 year old is being helped by their parents is very weird, and not an uncommon privilege in the west.
> my parents are the ones who own the condo
> I never told her I owned the place, only that I was renting
If it isn’t your place and you are indeed renting, how did you lie then? Just because you didn’t tell her you didn’t pay for the first two months in rent even though you ‘worked for them for awhile w no pay’?
Seems like she made a lot of assumptions about your financial situation, and that bit of extra information threw those out the window. Her reaction to this may be a sign that she’s in the relationship for the wrong reasons.
This seems pretty ridiculous. It feels a bit like someone who is looking for a reason to twist you into a harmful person.
I once dated a guy who asked me if I’d ever dated anyone with a similar age gap (he was much older). I said I had and he didn’t ask anything further. A few months later it came up again and I mentioned that it wasn’t a long term thing, less than a year and he got very upset and said that I lied to him and that he could no longer trust me. I didn’t know the duration of the dating was an important factor to him and it seemed confusing that he was so upset. And then there would be more things like that happening. More situations where I was doing something to him when I really wasn’t. So many times he turned me into some sort of a villain. It was the role he needed me to be for some reason. And then other people were also out to get him. His doctor, his boss, the stock market, his family. Everyone, including me was against him.
I’m not saying your girlfriend has decided that you need to be a lying mistrustful person to fulfill some sort of expectation that she has. But if you find this repeating, please don’t put up with it. It is exhausting and life is hard enough without a partner who is insisting that you’re constantly trying to hurt them.
So, OP, please feel free to tell us what you actually lied about.
You did nothing wrong. You didn’t even lie by omissions. Ask her why its a problem that you didn’t tell her your parents own the condo.
Well, this is a harmless lie that hurts nobody. Yes, a lie is a lie, but not all lies are equal. Thankfully for you, this relationship is new and you’ve got a window into how many eggshells you’ll have to walk around in the future with her.
A white lie should receive backlash, sure. But not to the point that you need to come to reddit to ask for advice on how to mend it.
Not sure what she’s mad about here. A couple of months in and it’s none of her business where or how you’re living.
I see a red flag waiving in the air, up to you if you want to see where this goes or cut and run now.
I really don’t get what the gf is mad about?