TLDR at bottom. Re submitting because the first one was removed.
My friend (20’s F) and her bf (20’s M) have been together for a year. A couple months ago her bf showed me a ring he was in the process of buying. He said that they had been talking about getting engaged and that they had gone ring shopping together. Fast forward a month or two and he suggests I should take her to get her nails done before the proposal. I asked if he had a date in mind that he wanted to propose. He said he does. It’s coming up soon.
So present day, my friend and I have been talking recently. She loves him dearly. She knows she’s going to marry him one day but she’s not ready for it to happen yet. She thinks she knows what day he’s going to do it (she guessed the correct day). Again, she knows she’s going to marry him one day, she’s just not ready right now. I asked her what she’d say if she’s right about him asking on this day (knowing that he’s absolutely going to ask) and she said she’d say yes because she wouldn’t know what else/how else to go about it.
So I guess I’m having an internal dilemma because I know he’s planning to ask and I also know she’s not ready. So do I tell her that he’s planning to ask so she has time to hint that she’s not ready or do I continue to keep it to myself?
TLDR: my friend isn’t ready to get engaged but I know her bf is about to propose very soon. Do I tell her that he’s going to propose?
5 comments
Why not enocourage her to talk to her boyfriend about the timeline. This bodes really poorly if neither of them is able to communicate about something so simple with each other.
I’d honestly talk to him about it. Be blunt that she’s not ready, and be blunt that he *should not be proposing* until he’s talked to her about timelines and expectations. The HOW and WHERE can be surprises, but the fact that he’s going to propose soon should not be.
They are in their 20’s and been dating for a year? Definitely way to early to be thinking about marriage, but I guess you are never to young to get that first divorce out of the way.
Maybe have an honest talk with her. You don’t have to let her know about the pending proposal but suggest she have an honest discussion with him about timelines for engagement. Suggest she be honest with him about what she wants, what she’s ready for now, and where she sees their future. Let them sort this all out between themselves.
Let her know that if he proposes before she’s ready, this could cause a lot more issues than just communicating clearly beforehand.
How about stay out of their relationship and let them figure it out themselves? While you are hearing mismatching information it is actually none of your business.
If she isn’t ready then why would she go ring shopping with him?
If he proposes and she says yes, respect her choice, if she says not yet it isn’t no, if he accepts that and asks again later great, if he flips lid and freaks out then he was wrong for her anyway.