I guess this post is going to be a little bit of a rant but here goes.
I found out yesterday that the coworker I was crushing on was into girls. It’s disappointing, but that’s cool, good for her I guess. What’s much more madenning is that this is now the third time in a row it’s happened. The other two times I went and asked the girls out instead of just having a crush. Clearly I have a type or something – maybe I watched too much Kim Possible as a kid. The other girls I’ve been asking out in the past two years I’ve been single weren’t interested either and that’s ok. Everybody is not for everybody, that’s what I tell myself anyway.
The thing is, I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do? Dating apps obliterate my self esteem so I choose to meet people irl and through friends where I feel my charisma and wit can take over – and it does a lot of the time, I have lots of awesome friends but I rarely meet someone who’s interested in what I have to offer. I feel like there’s so many things I love about myself, I have an amazing job in a charity that I love, that pays well. I’m a homeowner at 26 which is pretty rare and an achievement I’m roud of that I worked super hard for. I’m not a bad looking guy, my face is alright and I’m very athletic. I have a wide range of hobbies that I genuinely care for, I wake up and try and be a better and more empathetic person every day. Yet somehow the venn diagram of people I meet, straight women I meet, straight women I’m attracted to and straight women that are also attracted to me has miniscule overlaps.
Somehow I’m not an attractive proposition to anyone. What else can I do? I feel like I’m working on myself and yet no one gives a shit. Well, some people do give a shit – quite a few gay men have expressed an interest in me, they’re lovely people but also I’m not gay, but I guess I now know how they must feel a lot of the time!
Anyway, whatever kind of sitcom Truman show type endeavour I’ve landed myself in it’s really affecting my mental health, and I have no idea what’s left.
3 comments
You sound like a really great guy and I get that this is frustrating. You’re doing just about everything I would normally recommend.
Focus on that which you are passionate about, usually like minded people will be in that same area and you more naturally meet like minded people who are romantically compatible with you. At least that has been my experience.
It sounds like they are there, but that your area of interest also draws in the LGBTQ+ crowd and that you aren’t LGBTQ+ personally.
My husband had a similar issue when we met. He hadn’t had really any serious relationships but had been told several times that he could rock the gay world (he has a super cute butt 😉 ). However he wasn’t really looking for that at the time. He and I met in a martial arts class and as he tells it I threw him across the room and he fell for me.
It takes time, but eventually someone compatible with you will wander into your life. Your job is to notice that person and to jump whenever they appear.
I usually advise people that crushes are a bad thing. Because a crush in its nature is a fixation on someone who is either not reciprocating or is unaware of your affection. This puts blinders on the person with the crush. You stop seeing the other people around you and you enter into a weird one sided relationship.
If you feel like you have a crush, talk to them quickly because you don’t want to be trapped in that one-sided relationship when the right person wanders into your life.
Good luck
My brother in christ, I feel you.
I feel like a very good choice with a lot to offer, I know what I want, I am good communicating and I have a good emotional maturity. I feel very much appreciated by my friends and close ones, but for some reason I am not found either sexually or romantically attractive by the people I like. While there is no one to blame for that, it hurts. It feels like other people receive more and sometimes try less.
Funny thing is, I’m in the same situation with gay men hahahaha, but I am also not interested most of the time. It does kind of feel like I’m the punchline of a joke sometimes.
I used to have a type, I used to feel attracted to some women that are not really interested in me, and well, that’s on me. But now I genuinely feel like I’ve mostly grown out of it, and dont fixate on uninterested people, but still, nothing. I also don’t know what to do, I’m also stressed about it. Guess we’ll have to hang in there. Best of luck, my dude.
I totally understand where you are coming from. It can be frustrating and believe me when I say you are not alone. Feels like all odds are against you and you just can’t seem to attract the girls you crush on. Maybe you haven’t flirted with as many girls? It’s a numbers game, you date till you find someone who shares attraction. Or maybe I’m wrong and you just have sh*t luck. Then again not all girls are the same. When a problem becomes recurring that’s when you look inward. Maybe you do have a type.
Hope i helped. Don’t let it get to you. You seem like a decent guy so you will find someone.