Seriously curious about this. Two or three times now, a guy who was late-night calling me hoping to come over, or at my place and pressuring me to have sex before I was ready has said those words to me. What does us being adults have to do with me wanting to wait? And why do they think it’s persuasive?
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“why do you need to label the relationship?”
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship by getting serious”
Statements like the ones here and the one you mentioned are meant to inspire guilt or embarrassment so you end up giving in to the other persons expectations.
Sadly, it works.
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Seems guilt focused, ie manipulative.
Thats the first half. The second half goes” we’re not teenagers anymore. We don’t have to settle for being horny.”
It’s like a more subtle way of saying ” you have needs, I have needs, let’s satisfy them together baby.. ” It’s an appeal to your weakness. Hoping you think about the other night when you were horny and lonely. Maybe he can convince you to settle for him tonight.
He is trying to get in your head that you are both “consenting” adults without actually saying it. Unless you just want sex with these creeps I suggest binning them off
Once I went on a date with a colleague who was also a very good friend of mine at the time. The date was great and we spent the night together. Next morning was the happiest morning of my life (so great that it felt unreal).
But on the same morning when woke up she said, “This changes nothing between us”. I guess what you are asking is similar.
I’ve never done this, but I could guess: I think the man assumes you’re hesitant about having sex because you’re afraid of what your parents/guardians might think. The “we’re adults” line is supposed to assure you that you’re two adults having fun and there’s nothing wrong about that.
You’re right to exercise your right to wait for the right moment. Sex is a very personal thing, no matter what people say. I myself plan to have sex only with the one I want to spend my life with. I’ll only trust that person with that much of myself.
It definitely can be manipulation, especially if you straight up say you’re not comfortable with that yet. However, I’ve definitely said something like that when I get the “I want to but I can’t” response, like are you saying no because you don’t want to or because you’re afraid to ask for a ride to the bar.
If I tell someone I’m an adult, it’s usually justification for me having ice cream and cake for breakfast
When I say this, it’s because the person just makes fucking dramas out of nothing like we were in highschool, or just play mind games like a teenager. Nothing to do with this situation. This guy said it to make you feel guilty, and clearly is the one who doesn’t act like an adult. Don’t make a big thing of this, if anyone tells you “we’re adults” because you don’t want to fuck when they ask, pressure you to, drop their ass of!
Trying to guilt trip you into sex. Plain and simple.
As a man I find this very immature. Here’s why:
1. we’re adults doesn’t mean you cant make a choice or have a boundary! So him pressuring you is not ok
2. Even if you both were 17 it wouldn’t make a difference in you wanting to wait. So we’re adults is irrelevant.
3. A lot of adults are not as mature as they claim to be! Best example right here from your own post: this man didn’t even think about you! (Selfish behavior)
In conclusion it’s very inconsiderate from that man because he only sees himself in this situation! If I was a woman I’d drop him real fast.
I would say it’s a “Get Out of Responsability-Free” pass. No Strings Sex.
For many emotionally underdeveloped boys this is their way of saying they aren’t ready for a commitment
He’s trying to convince you it’s not a big deal because you’re not kids or virgins, so who cares. It’s manipulative and desperate.
He thinks you’ll be offended by the ask because it defies societal norms which may be holding you back when you’d otherwise want to. An “adult” is allowed to make their own grown up decisions like going to meet someone for sex in the middle of the night, if they want to.
In the context you described, it sounds like they’re trying to make you feel like you’re prudish for turning down sex with someone you haven’t gotten to know well enough to feel comfortable doing it with. Don’t fall for it!
They are just desperate, and that’s a little red flag
It’s just a manipulative sales pitch, ignore it. Better yet, don’t match with fuck boys, and throw them to the wind when they reveal themselves.
Honestly the one time i used this expression, is when a girl i liked told me after the date that she doesn’t see it working out for us, different expectations and distance between us.
So i said i think I’m adult enough to respect your choice, and I’m grateful you were straight with me.
What he’s saying is basically twisting it to make you feel like it’s just sex not as e make it out to be as teens, basically gaslighting in a weird way to manipulate you I’d say.
If someone is pressuring you to have sex, tell them to eat shit and block them. There’s no excuse or reason for it and it’s an immediate deal breaker. Sex is supposed to be comfortable, both emotionally and mentally. If someone is making you uncomfortable and won’t stop, they’re not partner material.
As an adult, should you have more prefrontal cortex development, which means you can control your Impulses better than infant. You wanting to wait is adulting, him try to make you have sex is impulsive and manipulative; therefore, showing you he is not an adult
he’s fucking gaslighting you is what that means.
or trying to, at least.
Lmfao this is such a true observation I’m dying
We’re not kids
I have, in 52 years never even thought to say this to anyone.
How old is he, and how old are you?
You won’t get in trouble for fucking me because we are grown ass men and women who can do what we want. It’s nobody else’s business.
That’s what it means.
He’s just using any excuse to put his wee wee in your vagina. Don’t give in.
Trying to manipulate you into having sex with him without having a commitment.
“We are adults” usually means “we both have sexual needs, let’s make this an NSA hookup kind of thing”
Manipulation, pure and simple. Hoping that by accusing you of being “childish” for wanting to wait that you’ll feel pressured to give in. Any man who says some shit like that isn’t worth your time.
In your case its meaningless. I think he is just trying to push for sex.
He’s trying to insinuate you’re being childish and/or “afraid” of having sex.
Maybe they still live with Mom and just need to say it out loud every once in awhile to reassure themselves.
Doesn’t matter what it explicitely means…because what it really means is these particular guys are trying to psychologically manipulate and overpower you by invalidating your boundaries and making you feel bad or shame about them.
Bullets dodged.
He trying to say that if you were to give it up that it wouldn’t have to be a big deal or change the dynamic of your relationship, like being f@#$ buddies or there being no strings attached. Men always claim this would be the ideal situation but in reality they are the ones who can’t handle it. I know cause I’m a man. I can’t speak for all men but with me if I am ANY kind of attracted to you and you reciprocate that back to me I’m going to fall in love with that ass quick and hard as fuck. Then you will most probably chew me up and spit me out. I would definitely do it all over exactly the same if I had another chance because I know no other way, and I’m to old to change plus I don’t want to.
You can use his words against him.
An adult should also understand that if you do not want to have sex or not ready that one should respectfully accept your answer and wait for you until you are ready.
By pressuring you or pushing for sex is exactly immature child like behavior. He wants something and try to manipulate you to give that to him.
He does not understand the word and just throw it around in hoping you feel bad and to give in.
The guy wants you, you don’t want him here is a problem. How many dates you glad to wait if it’s 3-5 it’s ok but maybe he is a pervert or you/him don’t like him/you sexually why to waste time of both?
He’s saying it’s okay to feel sexual because you guys are adults.
But the problem isnt him saying it. The problem is you not wanting it, and if you’re not into him, just let him go and look for some prude who can wait all you want.
Its usually done to push over someone’s boundaries, prudeness, reservedness etc.
As in “hey, we’re adults we can do whatever the fuck we want, come over”
Whilst not understanding that not wanting to do something doesn’t really have to do with being an adult or not