27F, been on and off the dating apps for years. I’ve complained to my mother enough and she has always reassured me that I just haven’t found the right one, been hearing this since I was 21. I feel like I could have been in a relationship or at least “dated” if I went for the guys that have pursued me. However, I got tired of the ones I didn’t like back approaching me and have decided to use bumble. I’ve met up with two guys and didn’t feel them either. It’s only been twice BUT like I said I tried the other apps for years. My life has always been the ones I want don’t want me back/aren’t serious and the ones that like me I don’t want back. I can’t speak for people but I would say I’m considered at least cute, I’ve been told I’m attractive by others (not just family or girl friends). I’m educated, independent and just don’t get how I’ve had no luck. I do feel I will genuinely end up alone, rather be alone vs being taken and miserable. Not that this matters but I don’t really have an active sex drive, I don’t enjoy masturbating and haven’t had sex in years. I saw someone very briefly 3 years ago and while he had a decent personality, I wasn’t physically attracted to him. That was my closest to a relationship, you’re seriously telling me I haven’t been able to find anyone since? It’s like the universe is telling me I can’t do any better, I have never even introduced anyone to my family going on 30. Social anxiety is something I deal with but not that much of a contributing factor. Around a yr ago, I took a 6 month break from dating apps.
TL; DR: No luck in dating, stuck between having a low self esteem and feeling like I should attract a guy meeting my standards. Is this normal?
7 comments
I’m older than you and have had a very similar experience. I’ve almost always attracted “nerds,” and am more of an artistic person, so those relationships fizzled out. The guys I liked didn’t show any interest back for the most part. One finally did when I was 29, but our relationship ended after a few months for other reasons. No one promising has shown up in some years now, and I’ve given up on the apps. It’s tough out there, but looking back, I wish I had spent less time stressing about it and more time pursuing my own interests and creating a full life as a single person.
Having a sex drive does matter, because many guys are only looking for casual sex. I’ve never been into that either. I am very rarely attracted to anyone sexually (when I am, it’s strong, but rarely happens) and have tried to force attraction to guys before too and got the ick.
Relationships of all forms are built on core likability, maybe yours isn’t that high ?
I’ve been there in the past I was single at 27. But I think I took a serious break like a year long one. I think it’s common to encounter the self doubt but I think though by being single I think maybe you need to like really sit down and think about what you want? Perhaps you’re not expressive of what you want and in this time take it as an opportunity to rebuild your self esteem? I think when you do you will feel better and I think maybe change your tactic in dating perhaps you need to try new hobbies or get girlfriends to introduce you to some single guys they know that will match you. Also maybe try a different app to Bumble like Hinge or OkCupid for a change? I think once you build back your self esteem you’ll feel more confident to believe in yourself and know that you have qualities that are attractive. Also while being single go out and hang out with your friends more, social interaction and going to new places can lead to meeting new people along the way.
Maybe your sexual market value isn’t that high ? Every girl out there is looking for prince charming. I don’t think that’s technically possible. Tell me more about your standards. Would you consider yourself good-looking ?
As a guy I feel your pain. The ones I don’t want pursue me but the ones I want don’t want me. It sucks honestly.
So, I looked through your profile.
First of all, you posted basically this same text here just a couple days ago. And then a couple days before that. And also on other subs. That’s fucking weird.
But also, do you…. Do anything with your life? Your post history seems to focus on the Backstreet Boys, your noisy upstairs neighbor, and the fact that you can’t find a boyfriend. Do you ever leave the house? Do you have friends other than your mom? You mentioned you have social anxiety, and if my guesses are correct, I’m gonna bet it’s having a *massive* impact on your dating prospects.
I would say: get off the apps, and try to meet guys in the real world while doing things you enjoy. Then you’re living your life and enjoying yourself regardless of whether or not you find a man, the guys you do meet will already have things in common, and you can get a feel for them before broaching the topic of having a romantic relationship.
Seems from your repetitive posts and fixations you have autism spectrum disorder