Ok. I am just about to turn 18, I’ve ended my junior year of high school, and the ending was both good and bad. I finally started dating a girl I have liked/admired for a very long time, and things have been great with her. We started “talking” about three months ago, and about a month and a half ago officially started dating. We hang out once-three times a week outside of school and I love spending every minute around her. I would spend more time around her but this is where problems come up.
Before I continue with while its going great, I need to explain why the year ended badly. I have always been a good student, having a 4.5 GPA average throughout high school and participating in lots of school activities and sports. This semester I really struggled two classes, AP Physics and AP Calc AB. Neither topics are my strong suits and I worked hard but finished with a C and B in the classes. Getting a C was devastating for me and brought a lot of fears to me. My dad is the superintendent of my school district and I live in a small community and so everyone knows me and I am supposed to be an example student of my school (if that makes sense). My dad has always been hovering over my life, and is very set on me going to school at BYU Provo, a semi-difficult school to get into. He hasn’t brought up the fact that I got a C and neither have I and I am worried when he does it will also affect what is happening with my relationship.
Back to my relationship, this girl and I, lets call her Stacey, have grown up together and have always been friends/friendly classmates. We “dated” in seventh grade, which didn’t really mean date but we both liked each other but never hung out outside of school so yea, not really dating or much besides both of us liking each other. Fasting forward, we both went our own ways, I had my friend group she had hers, and we didn’t talk much but I always admired her, who she chose to be, and the choices she makes. Neither of us drink (I am mormon just btw not that matters a ton but throwing it in, and she just doesn’t like what drinking or drugs does to people so we both steer clear), and she became the team manager of my volleyball team because she is really good at volleyball and the coach wanted her there to play with us. With the volleyball team connecting us, we began talking more and really clicked.
When I say we clicked, I mean we completely got along. Like I don’t enjoy being around anyone more than her even before we were dating. After talking for about a month she admitted to having feelings towards me and that she has for a long time, and of course I was ecstatic and did the same. We started to hang out, and while this was all happening my parents were nagging me that I need to ask someone to prom unaware that I was talking to a girl. I told them I was gonna ask Stacey, they got excited and I asked her.
We have hung out a lot one on one but it is always at her house because my parents “don’t want me to be in a one on one relationship with someone while I’m this young, saying it goes nowhere. Now, I understand what they are saying, but I disagree with how they feel. I think it is beneficial because in my opinion there are lots of benefits to dating, and I believe in “young love” or whatever you call it. Stacey and I both care about each other a lot because we have known and liked each other for so long and so now that we are dating we aren’t afraid to talk about how we feel towards each other or why we like each other, and I am never happier than when I am around her.
So, after prom, my parents realize that we didn’t just go to prom, but that we are more of a couple than a date to a dance. They talked to me saying what I said earlier about being to young and the rest, and told me that I need to break this to Stacey so it doesn’t continue to develop further because the longer I wait the harder and more awkward it will be on both of us. I got frustrated when they told me this but held back saying anything because I don’t open up to my parents because in my eyes they expect me to be perfect, which adds so much anxiety to my life but that’s a different story. They also said they don’t want us hanging out one on one but that if I want to hang out with her we can hang out in a group environment where there are other people and its not just me and her.
They had this conversation maybe three weeks ago, and I said I would talk to her to get them off my back, which I never did because I don’t want this to end. We have been hanging out still and I have told my parents every time that there are other people and that we are going to lots of places but its really just me and her. We aren’t doing anything bad at all, we hang out, watch movies, play card games, go get food, and just do things we enjoy doing together. About a week ago to make it seem like I am working on it I asked my dad to help me write a text that I could send saying I can’t be in a close relationship but we should still be friends, and he asked me today to work on it.
While this was all happening I had a text conversation that went like this (this is the very shortened version):
me: just btw my parents want to have a talk with me about us
her: oh ok you should go have that and tell me what they say
me: I want them to bring it up first i’m scared what they might say
me: what would we do if they said we can’t date or something like that?
her: well then we would be spies and have our relationship in secret!
her: there isn’t a reason why we shouldn’t be allowed to date, besides your C lol (she said this as a joke because it has been a topic of comedy rather than pain for me and her)
Now i’m at the point where I don’t know what to do. I have no intentions of ending the relationship and want to keep hanging out and dating her but my parents know everyone in our community so they hear everything (very annoying btw), and will find out we still are. I know I should send the text so that my parents figure its over and that we are just friends now, and then maybe talk to her about why I sent it when I see her in person or call her right after I send it because she would understand, we have talked a lot about how strict my parents are. I’m also tired of my parents living my life for me and wish they would give me more freedom and trust that I am working my hardest and making good decisions, because I am and I don’t make bad choices.
I will now ask you guys, what should I do? How should I go about this? Advice or comfort from anyone it has been a burden on me lately. Are my parents doing the right thing or are they to strict?
Thank you to whoever read this and is helping me in any way I greatly appreciate it, I don’t have anyone I can go and talk to regarding this whole mess. I feel like I left stuff out or need to explain more so if anyone has questions or needs more explanation I can reply to questions in the comments and make edits, thank you again!
TL:DR Sticky situation, really need help.