Ladies, how do you move on from someone you love bc of lack of effort?

15 comments

1. I love myself better

2. [removed]

3. First off, put your back into to it. Show ’em what effort looks like. If you live together, pack their stuff up for them and leave it neatly outside.

   In all seriousness, I don’t know if you’ve done this yet, but I’d do my best to get them to understand what I feel. If that’s not working then just leave them. I broke up with someone years and years ago who I loved, but knew they were no good for me. They were too selfish. You break up with them, and then you get on with your life. It’ll hurt but that will pass in time. There’s no magic answer.

4. It’s always hard to end things with someone you care about. If a person isn’t valuing you though and you accept that behavior, it becomes a self betrayal also. To move on, you truly have to build yourself up and know your worth and then choose your well-being over them. Anyone who is right for your life wouldn’t want anything less for you.

5. You grieve and constantly remind yourself that you are worth the effort and that there is someone out there willing to put forth the effort to love you the way you want to be loved. Currently going through this and I feel like a broken record, but everyday I wake up and it hurts a little less.

6. A little back story:

   How do you let go and move on

   How do you move on from a relationship with a man who doesn’t put effort into your relationship and gaslight you into thinking that the little things that he does (basic and bare minimum) are so much effort already whenever you try to communicate your needs to him?

   I love this man with all my heart and we have been together for four years (including our friendship) the good memories between us haunt me and I’m so distressed. I don’t think he loves or cares for me the same. We are currently on a break.

   Td;lr: it kinda breaks me because how could the other person accept to leave or move on from all the good you’ve done for them and all your good times and memories just because they don’t want to put in a little bit of effort (for example date nights, random gestures irl and not just over texting)

7. Easy, i don’t really have any troubles removing someone from my live when they don’t put in effort

8. I had to realize that I deserve a partner who will love me and actually show me that they love me. And that putting up with less is not worth it.

9. Im waiting for the next big fight to make my getaway. We are constantly going through cycles of fighting, not talking for a few weeks then we start to miss one another & start texting lovey dovey crap again. Then we see eachother & its back to “normal”. No communication about the prior argument, no deep emotional connections or deep conversations either. It drives me nuts to have such a surface level connection with my SO:/

10. Delete and block them on everything. Don’t check their socials. Remind yourself constantly whenever you long for them that you weren’t worth it to them—so it’s time to move on to someone who does think you’re worth it. Invest in things that make you happy. Get some therapy if you can. Go out and meet new people in places you know they’ll never step foot in. Try new classes or hobbies. Develop new healthy habits. Above all, never forget that you are worth the effort.

11. You ask yourself why you love someone who is giving you about the same effort back as a lamp post.

    Its easy to cloud our judgement due to OUR OWN feelings. But when you consider your own apathy towards someone you weren’t attracted to who might have had a crush on you, its a harsh but necessary perspective on why its a waste of time to continue pursuing someone who doesn’t want to give you their attention, or if they do, its in a half hearted, breadcrumbing manner.

    So you fill up your schedule for a couple weeks, commit to working out or going outside for a walk whenever those sad invasive thoughts come in, you buy some reading material or source some free podcasts online to give you a new perspective on your feelings and a gentle hall pass on grieving the expectations you had of the relationship… and soon you will find that things are not only easier, but you no longer see that person as your only shot at true love.

    Also, if they reach out… and play a cat and mouse game with you… just know that EVERY TIME you respond to their lazy “hey” or “sup” message, it takes away a little bit of your integrity every time. IGNORE. DELETE. MOVE ON. It feels much more empowering to shut down the interaction from the get go and continue to move forward. You can give them a conversation if you like, but if they are already low effort in their actions, don’t expect a thoughtful effortful response to your feelings.

12. Picture your life and future without them, take time for self care and be patient and forgiving with yourself

13. Take the effort that you were giving the relationship and apply it to yourself. Do this until someone gives you enough of a reason not to be single anymore

14. I takes time and proper grieving. You need time for catharsis, whether it be crying or getting angry, to let go of all feelings you felt for them and emotionally move on. After time, your brain will stop making excuses for them and the rose colored glasses will come off. Continue to keep your resolve and you’ll eventually be free!

15. Remind myself that staying only reinforces continued lack of effort.