My (24f) boyfriend (25m) asked me to go to a school party marking two years since they graduated, because they weren’t allowed to have these parties two years ago. A friend of his, a woman, stopped for a banter that was okay up until he started talking about me. She looked at me and said “come on…you can do better”, while laughing. He just stared at her and said “not cool”. Not even a second passed and she was like “ohhh what about [ex’s name], dude come on!!!” He just sighed and held me and kissed my forehead, and excused us. We left shortly after and I could barely hold my tears. He didn’t talk about it but he was too embarrassed. This is just confirming my worst fears. His friends and colleagues are all posh charismatic attractive people who will inevitably view me as a mistake. I can’t validate this relationship, because I actually agree, he can do A LOT better than me. I’ve been crying all day and feeling sorry for myself. I’m again feeling like I’m not good for him. What do I do?
49 comments
>His friends and colleagues are all posh charismatic attractive people who will inevitably view me as a mistake.
Just the fact that how shallow-minded and rude she was to you is enough to make her unattractive.
You are better than this, OP. And I hope you’ll be able to move past this commentary and know that for yourself.
Well she sounds lovely /s
Sounds like your bf handled it well in the moment, but I honestly feel like he should be cutting her off entirely after that blatant amount of rudeness and disrespect. She’s obviously got no actual class.
If you’re struggling excessively with self esteem, you should seek some help. Many therapists and self-help books specialize in this very thing.
Remember , he is with you. He had your back. That has to say something. He can always get new friends.
Don’t place so much weight on the opinions of strangers. There are always going to be knobs in the world and youve just got to learn how to ignore them (or better, fireback at them).
Remember that your bfs exes are exes for a reason. He seemed to handle the situation perfectly and I’m certain he’ll have no issue cutting off and shutting down anyone that’s poking their nose into your business!
You only live once, so do what you like and have fun
She’s a bully. I’m really sorry this happened to you, what an awful person.
You’re valuing yourself based on appearance and not on chemistry with your bf. And you’re comparing your appearance to societal standards and not your boyfriend’s standards. Both things are an unhealthy way of viewing yourself and your relationship.
If your bf married a chubby woman after you, would you judge him for it? No, you wouldn’t because you’re not an asshole. You’d think she’s super lucky and he must be super lucky to have found someone he loves and you’d be sure he finds her beautiful because he’s marrying her. That’s how normal people think. Your boyfriend is a normal person. You’re a normal person. Your bf’s female friend isn’t normal, she’s an asshole and it sounds like there’s a reason he doesn’t spend much time with her. Your boyfriend found a woman he loves and he finds you beautiful. Don’t judge your relationship by anything else.
I’m sure they knew his ex which is why they are partial to her. It has nothing to do with you specifically.
On top of that, how posh, charismatic, and attractive can you be when you behave this way? Her behavior is disgusting and she should be embarrassed of herself.
That was shocking lack of manners. No measure of “poshness” or “charisma” can negate that.
In fact, that woman was boorish as fuck.
You should have a follow-up conversation with him and say you expect this “friend” to be more or less cut off. That is a reasonable boundary to have. It sounds like he handled it well, but any decent person wouldn’t be friends with people who act like this towards their partners.
Why didn’t you slap the shit out of that girl
I think you are enough for him because you chose each other. However, since you are asking for advice, you can try and improve a little bit something about you. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just anything then you will feel you deserve him more and so on
What a cunt. I would take it as a compliment that you bagged a man so fine that other women feel jealous enough to make petty digs at you to compensate for their own insecurities and shortcomings
Homegirl clearly wants what you have but I’m guessing she doesn’t have much luck with quality men with that nasty personality 😂
I’m so sorry that you ran into a b*tch in the wild! Please remember that your self worth is not tied to any man or relationship. You are special and unique, and if you want to feel better or change something about yourself or your life, you are entitled to do so. If you want to remain as you are and happy, you can do that too.
It sounds like your boyfriend is on your side and cares for you. He is choosing you, just as you are choosing him. A partner who is “above” or “below” you is a cruel, sexist standard that means nothing. How you interact, treat people and the content of your heart is what makes you who you are.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Your bf made the right choice. These are awful people with absolutely zero class. You are the gem. I understand getting upset. It’s hurtful. But think about it. What kind of person says something like that? She’s a horrible person. Be thankful that you’re not like that and maybe you can understand why he’s with you. Hang in there. Hugs.
What about her saying those things are posh and charismatic? I’d say she sounds like an entitled brat.
He’s with you. Who cares what she thinks?
You. Are. Enough.
Repeat. And continue to do so until it sticks.
Do not allow some shrew with the manners of feces flinging gorilla dictate your worth. This woman, who you are allowing to not only define you but your relationship, is as classless and disgusting as they come.
Hold your head high and be damn proud of yourself. Confidence is sexy.
1. She is not you BF’s friend. She is merely someone who knows his name.
2. She was trying to hurt you because she wants your BF.
3. Your BF loves you and did not want to give her any satisfaction by engaging with her.
4. She is a worm in human skin.
5. Your BF is YOUR BF. He sees your beauty even if you dont. Trust him.
You should have spit in that bitch’s face.
The only validation you need is you’re bfs. He’s with you because he finds you attractive, you won’t always be the most attractive person in the room and that’s ok. Don’t let other peoples shallow comments make you insecure and cause you to doubt you’re relationship. He even stuck up for you which shows you mean a lot to him.
Man..that’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry.
It seems that you’re struggling with your insecurities and self esteem though. Is there any way you can get some professional help with it? It’s never a good idea to lay our internal struggles on someone else.
He sounds like a great and supportive guy, and it’s important you know you’re worth it.
He stood up for you!!! Not only that, but he left the party with you once he caught the gross superiority vibes..
Screw his friend, your boyfriend didn’t care what she thought, why should you?
He’s dating you for a reason, weather it’s your smile, personality, quirks.. he’s choosing to spend his time with you right now.
Go with it 🙂
(As long as he stays this cool that is)
You don’t have to be the most attractive person in the world to be the most attractive person in your SO’s world, and attraction means a lot more things than just surface cosmetic beauty.
The fact that this woman was rude and condescending means she is not a very charismatic person (or attractive in my opinion; meanness and pettiness is super ugly to me). And the fact that your boyfriend immediately called her out and then left when she persisted means he is on your side.
Feel free to talk about it with him, but do it after you’ve had a chance to process and understand that you are worth it. You have so much value regardless of what anyone else in the world might say, even your boyfriend. He is with you because you’re valuable; you’re not valuable just *because* you’re with him.
an affirmation that helps me through others’ disapproval is:
“Disapproval is okay with me.”
I’m so happy he had your back. Fuck that girl, she sounds jealous – or just plain mean. Redirect your thoughts to feel bad for her instead of yourself. She’s clearly suffering if she says awful shit like that.
I’ve been in that position once before, and it’s truly a horrible feeling but I just kept reminding myself that he had chose me, and that we were the ones in a relationship, not his friends and it doesn’t matter one bit what they thought.
He’s your man. Continue to love and support him like he does for you. Forget about that person. They sound like a loser to me. Now go tell your man you’re over it and thanks for sticking up for you, beautiful!!
I just read your comment OP about how you think next time w his friends will be worse. Not true!
Well that woman did exactly what she set out to do. Put doubt in your mind. She must know how much he loves you, her only choice was to make you feel inadequate so you’d be the one to leave. In all likelihood you’re a catch, she’s jealous and she’s pissed he found you from outside their circle. Your bf is amazing for how he stood up for you. If that EVER happens again, please stand up for yourself. She walked all over you, don’t allow that from her or anyone.
This happened to me with my bf’s friend! I have/had an eating disorder and struggle a lot with body issues, his “friend” decided to pounce on that and roast me (fyi it is not roasting when the other party does not know who you are, it is bullying) about my body, and my boyfriend IMMEDIATELY shut that down, blocked the friend, and left the shared discord server after I did.
Your boyfriend has your back! He stood up for you! Sit down with him and have a talk about everything that happened. Communicate.
There’s a quote I heard from Dita von Teese that I think applies here:
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
You don’t have to do anything. So you’re not the girl’s type, big deal. Good thing you’re not dating her. Your boyfriend likes you. He shut her down quickly and removed you from her when she didn’t take the obvious hint.
Don’t let other people determine your worth.
If you think of yourself so poorly, then that is something you need to address with yourself. Are you being fair to yourself or are you being mean to yourself? Are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard? Why do you think you are not enough? Those things may be better to explore in therapy with a trained and licensed therapist than online. Please don’t spend your life hating yourself.
There’s a high probably that what you you feel about yourself isn’t justified or even your own. There’s a high probably that these feelings and values were slowly and subtlety forced on you by biased people who have their own issues and media that profits off of you not knowing your true worth. Really assess where these feelings come from and if you even believe in them.
Your more interested in what an asshole thinks of you than your own boyfriend. I know you admit to having self esteem problems especially around his friends but he could’ve been dating one of them…ya know, an asshole but he chose to break out of that circle and found you. People like that think its their right to crap on others. Next say something atrocious to her then walk off before you start laughing. Something like, “If your cunt is half as nasty as your attitude then I think I’ve found the source of the smell I picked up on when we arrived.” You don’t have to actually HAVE self system to pretend like you do, ACTING like a bastard is remarkably easy.
That is like the ruuuuuudest thing I’ve ever heard.
This girl is AWFUL. Don’t let her ruin your self esteem. That comment reflects soooo poorly on her and doesn’t reflect on you at all.
Can you imagine saying something like that out loud to another human being? No. Because you’re a good person. She is clearly a BAD PERSON. Don’t let bad people have any – ANY – control over your happiness.
Also she’s not posh. That is some of the trashiest behaviour I’ve heard of. She’s from the gutter.
Charismatic is not talking shit in front of someone like that… that’s the opposite of charisma and is extremely unattractive. Charismatic people hold your attention… all this person did was prove they aren’t even capable of banter, resorting to insults poorly disguised by the vague idea of playful words.
Don’t let those insecurities eat you when at the end of the day your BF not only chose you but kissed you and walked you guys away.
I would bet very serious money that the following is substantially true.
She is into your boyfriend and has been for a while. He is not into her. Seeing you with him sparked jealousy and anger in her. She said what she said as an intentional attack to tear you down.
Hey, don’t let this women “win” or, putting it another way, have power over you. By wasting your time thinking about her words, that’s what you’re doing. Move on, enjoy life. That’s how to “get back” at her. Your boyfriend obviously likes you, focus on that and enjoying his company.
Also, one friend =/= all his friends opinions. Some might think she’s a bitch and dislike her tbh. I’m fully aware I’m hot af and I’d stop talking to a friend if she ever said that (what she said to you) to someone.
Such a terrible thing, I didn’t knew these stuff happened outside movies
So sorry that happened. I think the best comeback would have been for you to grab your crotch and say “suck my dick bitch”!
Next time tell her she has ugly shoes
Would you say anything like that to anyone?
No.
​
Then you’re better than her.
All I can say is ” Know Your Worth”
What a piece of shit human being.
Don’t mind her honey, that’s exactly what she wants. Your bf put you first and continues to do so everyday. There is no one better for him because you are it. That girl is an ex for a reason, regardless of appearances. Some people are just rotten.
No one acts like that unless they’re super jealous.
That woman is not posh, she’s a bitch. Don’t let her get to you. Do your therapy and just breath. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful in and out and fuck anyone who doesn’t think so.
That is disgusting. I don’t know anyone who would act like that, she’s the one who should be embarrassed. She definitely has some deep issues of her own, socially unaware being one of them.
Mmmm you have to remember some people prefer weird oddball people with no charisma. Not everyone is attracted to perfect people. It’s just about owning who you are and not being insecure about anything.
She was trying to hurt you…because she felt threatened by you. Enjoy your relationship and bask in the fact he chose you.
He saw something in you. She sees it too. Don’t be fooled. Whatever it is that you have, trumps that superficial crap. Keep that in mind, she wanted you to react for a reason.
Your boyfriend handled things perfectly and he chose you for a reason. That girl has no respect for others and no class, which is why he is not with her and is with someone like you. Looks are not everything but you have to stop thinking in terms of leagues or you will ruin whatever self esteem and self respect you have left. Therapy for these insecurities may be a good option for you. Remember everyone is deserving of love and genuine connection, and as cliché as it sounds, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.