Should men still approach women in person (in public) or is that unwanted now? If not, do we just stick to apps?

36 comments

1. You can approach people anywhere, just rarely expect a response from places that arent bars or maybe beaches (and such, places where people go to oogle or meet new people sometimes). People will get bothered pretty much anywhere and you can’t stop that, just be mindful, respectful and not pushy and make things more awkward.

2. Honestly I’ve stopped approaching women everywhere. Even if the place is specifically a place to meet people. If they don’t approach me, and initiate conversation, I don’t talk to them. If they don’t pursue more than a chat, then it goes nowhere. I don’t even use apps anymore, cause they destroy my self confidence, and never find anyone interesting on them anyway. I’m now in a state of constant waiting for something to happen while I do stuff in life. Will I find more? Maybe, who knows. Beats the hell out of all the options of being called a pig in public for giving my number respectfully after a conversation, or feeling like I’m undesirable on apps with a sub 0.1% swipe rate.

3. This is a bit of a conundrum for sure. I’m no expert at this by any means, but I have stayed off dating apps for a while and I have been studying human mating behavior a lot. Here’s what I have learned.

   Never make your intentions clear on the first interaction. Don’t approach her just to get her number. Not every attractive single woman you see is an open invitation to chat. You need a genuine reason to open a light conversation. For example, she drops something, needs a tire changed, or in some way genuinely needs your assistance. If you haven’t yet, learn some “man skills”, such as changing a tire, etc. Most women still can’t help but find a smart, able man incredibly attractive. One alternative to this is if you need her help and she is the kind of woman that can help you. What ever it is, don’t break the ice just to do it. Wait for a real reason to talk.

   The next step requires some patience. Don’t immediately launch into your life story or anything. Keep it light and make some small talk. If you are at least a little compatible personality-wise, you shouldn’t have too much trouble talking about something like, “oh nice shoes! My niece has some just like them. She is such a cute child.” Just let the conversation go naturally. And DO NOT try to talk longer than naturally feels right. When you see her not replying much or feel you don’t have much to say, say your goodbyes and get moving.

   If you’re wondering why I didn’t say get her number, it’s because she will either offer then and there, or if she doesn’t, you should probably wait until your next interaction. You might not have another interaction if she is someone that does not frequent the same locations as you, but that’s the risk you have to take. If she was remotely attracted to you, she will probably be more attracted to you if you leave her hanging just a little. And she will definitely be hoping secretly to see you again.

   The next time you see her (and if she finds you attractive), you do not need a reason to talk to her. From this point on, whenever you see her, make sure to wave and ask how she is. Again, only small talk. Or at least follow the natural conversation. If she likes deep conversation and that’s where the discourse goes, just let it happen. Eventually, one of you will find a natural moment to say something like, “hey, you wanna swap numbers so we can stay in touch?”

   At this stage, you need to be careful now to not end up in the friend zone. Don’t play hard to get too long. By the the second to fourth interaction, you should ask if she would like a date. If you have read the situation right thus far, she should oblige. If not just be polite and resume being friendly. You either have a new friend now, or you can move on. I would recommend NOT asking for a date over text though. It’s more personable and harder to say no in person. Text messages ruin more would-be relationships than anything else IMO. Getting her number should only be used to arrange your next meeting if you are afraid you won’t see her again, like “hey, you gonna be at the gym again today? Ok, see you there.” Don’t try to win her over through the phone.

   And that is my strategy for getting dates naturally. Once you get the date, it’s up to you to find out if your compatible. You can figure out if you like the same music, the same food, if getting married is in the cards, how many kids, etc. (usually in that order and NOT all on the first date).

   Good luck my friend.

4. Re-read what you yourself wrote:
   Tik Tok women say one thing;
   Female friends say another.

   It’s almost as if women don’t have a single hive-mind and different women want different things. It’s like, they’re individuals. Are women people?!?!

   I KNOW I KNOW!! That’s a super weird concept.

   But with that SUPER SECRET THAT DATING COACHES DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW maybe you can figure something out.

   Wait!! I’m getting an idea! Maybe… decide what kind of woman you want to be with …and figure out what kind of guy she likes and…. Wait. Nope. Lost it.

   No idea now. All hope is lost. /s

5. Just do what you feel like, everyone’s different

6. If there’s no success with matching when it comes to dating apps, that’s a sign that approaching anyone is a bad idea.

7. Commenting so I can follow

8. Just be conscious of when and where you are doing it. I would be nervous if any man approached me at night or when I’m in a car. Also is she says no or doesn’t seem interested just move along. Don’t make it awkward and uncomfortable by lingering

9. Yes and no. Yea approach us with polite conversation and small talk. No do not ask for a date because you are a literal Stranger and that’s just cringe

10. At the past several parties I’ve been to, the single women(or, more specifically, the women who I did not know for a fact had boyfriends) mostly stuck to themselves. As far as I know, every guy who flirting with them was unsuccessful. Obviously irl hasn’t worked out for me or else I wouldn’t be browsing this sub. At this point I think it’s safe to say that irl approaches are unwanted.

    Online dating…well it could be worse. Definitely better experiences than irl for me.

11. Yes you should.

    You should obviously do so tactfully and respectfully, when you’ve struck up a friendly conversation and shouldn’t be a creep though.

12. You have to deal with being annoying to some people. The simple fact is women are going to get approached a lot, but you stand no chance if you aren’t doing it as well.

13. This is such a loaded question but yes you can still approach women.

    It’s so hard to tell a random dude online that it’s okay to do though because you could be any level of creepy/uncomfortable, you could have a history of stalking or abuse, or you could just be incredibly poor at reading signs and approach all the wrong women at all the wrong times.

    So yes, generally it’s fine, but no not everyone should do it whenever they see someone pretty.

14. As a female I prefer being approached in person, personally

15. Yes, men should approach women. There are plenty of women wanting to be approached!

16. Your life, make your approaches.

17. Don’t approach women unless she seems interested, and by seems interested better than 75% chance she may be interested in talking. You are just wasting time and metal energy otherwise.

18. First of all, different women want different things. Some women prefer it and some women don’t want to be bothered at all, and you have no way of knowing so maybe err on the side of caution. With that said, I feel like there are some places where it’s fine, even encouraged: bars, parties, social gym classes (like dance classes but not at weights or treadmill). Personally I hate being approached just on the street. but will always be friendly to people who talk to me in a line, or smoking area, or something like so. Like other people said, just approach with the intention of having a nice conversation and see if it develops into any thing more, that’s the best way.

19. This is what you do:

    *You can approach women in bars, clubs and at parties. These are places people go to flirt. But it’s not always the best places to get to know ppl.

    *Join new hobbies and activities, get to know people naturally. Then you can just flirt with them and see if they flirt back.

    *Try to get a bigger social network, meet people through your friends.

    This is what you should avoid:

    *Randomly asking out strangers or hitting on people in public places. If you get talking to someone naturally, you can flirt a bit and see if they flirt back. But don’t treat public places as a speed dating arena.

20. The only person who has approached me in person within the past year was my creepy DoorDash guy… so yes, please approach women in person. I am so dejected by dating apps that I wish I could meet someone organically.

21. The fact this post is even necessary sucks. The Internet cannot shift the fundamentals of male-female attraction.

    I think the way to think about it is if you were approached by a girl you find cute, at an appropriate time (you weren’t on the phone or something), would it displease you? Or would you be like “ok cool, I’ll talk to this person and see if I like them.”

    If feel this is the central question to answer this.

    There really are no rules though…if you ask girls you will just get more confused. Look at how girls behave vs what they tell you through X logical filters (as bad as that sounds).

22. It depends on the customs of the area. If it’s common to speak with people you don’t necessarily know, it’s not bad to strike up a conversation. like I’ve had neighbors from the south that were much more friendly then people from the north east, and it caught me off guard, along with him wondering why so many of us had a stick up our ass.

    Else I wouldn’t do it. If your women friends get annoyed at the lack of attention, let them know the rules of the game from your perspective.

23. 25M

    I love old school so I tried cold approach (CA) dating. I’ve never done online dating and don’t even have the apps installed whatsoever.

    CA is hardly effective, you will most of the time get fake numbers/just straight no/incompatible people. But you are guaranteed to get results. You also have to be extra careful during a CA. Never ever approach a girl in a situation where she is not safe. If she says no, just fuck off asap. I’m stressing these points because I know someone who learnt themselves CA but they didn’t respect the girls’ answers.

    It will teach you a lot about charm and confidence. Approaching a stranger girl in public is an enormous rush of emotions. And you have to coordinate yourself and a conversation at the same time.

    I’ve been on a date with girls I met through CA that enjoyed it whatsoever but it didn’t help me get a partner. I’ve always found partner through social circles.

    You can still try CA. It’s old school, some girls like it/prefer it and it will teach you some courage and social skills.

24. Hard to give a definitive yes or no because everyone women is different so I cannot speak for everyone but in my case, I wouldn’t mind being approached in person. I don’t really do dating apps, it just really comes down to how you come off but otherwise I don’t mind.

    So I’d say definitely approach women if you are interested, as I’m sure there are tons of women who feel the same way as I do.

    Keep in mind that you are also bound to be rejected this way, but I wouldn’t let that deter you.

25. I would love it if I got asked out I’m real life. I haven’t been asked out by someone I’m interested in in forever.

26. I’ve learned to never approach women and to stick to the apps. You’ll at least have a chance there.

27. I think its totally fine just dont be creepy about it. Assess the situation/environment and also the way you approach a woman (the way you look, what you say, etc).

28. Leave women alone unless (a) they are already in your life and you’re confident the attraction is mutual or (b) you’re in a place specifically geared to meeting people for relationships, like a bar, club, or singles cruise.

29. Obviously you don’t approach complete strangers. You meet them socially. Or at work or school.

30. My method is if I actually have something to talk about. For instance I moved to a new city and if I see a woman wearing something from my hometown team and I was genuinely interested in getting to know her I’d strike up a conversation about that. Depending where we are at and if she is receptive to interacting, and it’s a place I could see her around often I would just try to build a rep-or with her and each time I see her try to ask her questions to get to know her a little bit (you’re also trying to make sure she isn’t a candidate for the ID Channel show “Woman that Kill”, just like she is making sure you’re not Ted Bundy) and if she seems receptive each time or says hi to me first after a couple of run-ins then I’d ask for her number. If I’m a situation where I think I’d never see her again I’d try to keep it light and fun. Not hog her time, and hold on the flirting until you see if she is open to that. I feel most men come in hot with nothing to say and that usually is creepy or awkward at best

31. Just don’t

32. IRL approaches are ok to women if she thinks you’re attractive. And if she’s not sending signals, there’s no way you know this without trying. The women who are complaining are moreso complaining that *people that they aren’t interested in are approaching them*.

    Ignore that crap about it being unwanted. Dating apps are for women to get ego boosts and men to get their ego crushed. No single woman who is looking and also finds you attractive would complain about meeting you in person vs a dating app. If they complain about you approaching in person, that means she wasn’t into you in the first place, and that’s why – not because she doesn’t want people approaching her in general.

    Also, as long as it’s not disrespectful, the majority of women will enjoy the ego boost that they get from being approached in person. I have to imagine that’s more satisfying to them, because most women know that most other women also get plenty of attention on dating apps because…that’s how the apps work. They’re for women.

33. I don’t do dating apps and I also strongly dislike bars. Guess I’m screwed…

34. It depends how attractive you are

35. F (26): I’d personally prefer a man to approach me in public respectfully. I’m not on any dating apps so this is my only form of interaction oustide of social media. However, do it in a way that doesn’t make you come off as a creep. For example, when I’m leaving the grocery store and carrying my bags, don’t follow me to my car without even asking if I need help and try to hand me a piece of paper with your number on it. Don’t follow me around a store. Don’t follow me and drive up next to me while I’m on a run and try to talk to me. Those are the only times I find men trying to hit on my annoying as it’s more about safety. It makes me feel uncomfortable especially living in a fairly large city.

    The best interactions I’ve had with people have always been meeting them in person. Unfortunately with the way times are now, it can be frustrating trying to navigate personal interactions but I’d just say give it a try.

36. Ultimately it comes down to whether or not they find you attractive.

    If you approach them and they’re not interested, you’ll be viewed as a creep.

    If you approach them and they are interested, you’ll be in the clear.

    Women generally won’t approach you so get comfortable being uncomfortable.