I’ve always had this debate with my male friends and always received different answers; some say you cannot have one without the other and other say one is more important than the other.

Would love to know your responses!

34 comments

  1. Personality. I (45M) have been around long enough to have been with smoking hot women that were incredibly boring in bed. I’ve also not initially been attracted to someone, but after getting to know them found them incredibly attractive. Give me an open minded, sexually adventurous 6 over a dull 9 any day of the week!

  2. Sexual attraction (as developed by looks, figure etc…) is a Necessary Condition for a normal sexual relationship. It can also be Sufficient enough by itself for some people to have relationships (however these don’t tend to work for very long if they don’t actually feel attracted to the personality)

    A good match and attraction to someone’s Personality is a Necessary Condition for a relationship however it isn’t sufficient by itself in most cases to lead to a relationship. I.e you like your friends personality, but you aren’t physically attracted to them

  3. looks (face) > personality > good figure

    Your desirability to women is a complex equation where each factor has a different weighting. Looks (face) are mostly a hard threshold. If you are not at least X attractive in your face, it doesn’t matter how good you are with the other factors.

  4. I factor both in equally. One of the reasons I like athletic women so much is because they have a nice physique because of what they do, not in spite of it, not to mention they tend to be more well-adjusted in general.

  6. For a love relationship, both are absolutely important.

    A woman can have the best personality in the world, but if she is visually unattractive, then only friendship remains.

    Conversely, if she is visually very attractive but has a terrible personality, then she may be sexually attractive to some extent, but a lasting relationship is impossible.

  7. I’d say personality, then looks, then a good figure don’t hurt but women’s faces are definitely the first thing I notice when I meet someone they could have the best body in the world I’d still notice things like their eyes and hair jawline stuff like that😅 but looks don’t do shit if your a crappy person I’ve found that a lot of good looking people are absolute assholes because they think they’re better than everyone because they look better

  8. Personally I’d rank personality highest but if you’re looking to pursue a romantic relationship with someone it’s kind of nice if you’re attracted to them. That being said, good looks and figure are highly subjective metrics, while personality tends to be more consistent across the board. So to each their own I guess. Looks fade, personality lasts (not taking into account negative mental health events).

  9. Depends on what you’re hoping to achieve.

    Having a great personality will help you remain in a committed relationship, but having a butterface/being unfit will make it very hard to end up in one.

    Being attractive/fit will draw initial attention and help you establish a relationship, but once they find out you’re not much beyond superficial looks will usually drive people away (atleast the people that you’d want to be in a relationship with, the kind of person that wants more than superficial interaction).

    Off the top off my head i’d say there are two other big factors: Wealth and status.

    If you’re wealthy you’ll again draw a lot of attention (but likely from vapid people).

    Status however is (imo) the big one, and is consequently tied to personality. If you live your life in a manner that attracts positive attention from friends and coworkers, people will have a much more positive view of you even before engaging in conversation. They’ll feel that getting into a relationship with you will be an improvement.

  10. As long as I’m generally physically attracted to someone, it’s the personality that I’ll either stay or leave for.

  11. Good figure is dead last for me but I struggle with ranking the other 2 because they are equally important. I’ll have to agree with your friends that say you can’t have 1 w/o the other.

  12. Personality–we have to be able to get along obviously. IMO it doesn’t matter if we’re more or less introverted or extroverted, we just need to have personalities that fit together and both be agreeable enough to overcome our differences.

    Values–its important we share religious and political values, or else we’ll end up hating each other.

    Fitness: I’m trying to take care of myself and hope my partner would too. I’m about 10 lbs from healthy BMI and my goal is to get into that healthy range.

    For me it’s a mix of the three–i don’t think I could date anyone completely lacking in the fitness department, for example. But I don’t need someone who is a big athlete either, I just want someone similarly mindful. I couldn’t date someone with dramatically different ideology, because I know one or both of us would eventually get frustrated with each other. And so on.

  13. The more I like you the hotter you get. I think most guys would agree with me there, so personality for sure.

    However, If I just blatantly don’t find you attractive then no amount of personality is going to change my mind. You get placed in the ‘friend’ category at that point.

  15. Different from person to person. Nobody can tell you an exact answer. That why shit like chubby chaser exist. For me shit personality is a turn off, a long with super weird

  16. Okay. I’ll be honest. Looks are what make me want to be around you more. Personality is what could make me want to date you. Good figure is what makes me want to have sex with you. Can one lead to the other, I suppose but know that having a great body just makes it harder for a woman to know who is actually interested in getting to know you but it’s the personality that makes guys truly fall in love. Guys will get tired of a bad girl eventually once hes had her

  18. I find personality the most important. Beauty fades, but a great personality only makes a relationship better through time.

  19. Personality. She can buy a new face and body but can’t buy a great Personality.

  20. There needs to be at least some small amount of physical attraction (otherwise I could date any gender) but the most important thing is the person’s personality.

  22. For me looks are a threshold. I will not consider anything without it, but the benefits diminish as attractiveness increases. Good figure is basically the same. I’ll be interested to learn more about someone at that point.

    Personality is similar. I don’t like being around people who I think are shitty or are going to manipulate me. My bar is, do I like spending time with them. Very few people have ever meet this (apparently I’ve been a grouchy old man since my teens.)

    Basically, you need both and your looks or personality might not jive with most people. Looks are more important by virtue of being more apparent in people, but the benefits go up in tandem.

  24. All of the above,

    If you want a rankingfor me personality it’s: looks (a pretty face), personality, a good figure (just don’t too fat or too skinny).

  25. Looks/figure at first….but only sustained by a good personality. They are both very important, and the absence of either one is a deal breaker.

  26. Looks are is what starts attraction but they need a personality to maintain the attraction

  27. Figure means body?

    At first it’s mostly looks (face or body) if she’s got any of the two at some capacity it makes no difference to me. But with a terrible personality it’s never gonna work with me.

    So beyond initial sexual attraction having at least a decent personality ends up being more important.

  28. All

    You need decent looks (including a decent figure) to get that initial attraction.

    If you don’t have those, I at least won’t be interested enough to find out if you have a good personality.

    If you have those enough for me to be interested, you need a decent personality or your gonna be a FWB.

    Now, if you have ok looks, but a great personality I’ll probably be in for a relationship, reverse that and I’m in for fuckbuddies but not a relationship.

    So a personality is more important, provided you clear the minimum level of attractiveness.

  31. Looks are what first attracts you,personality is what keeps you around and figure is just a bonus but that also kinda plays into the looks department as well.I speak for myself of course not everyone views things the same as I do obviously. Just throwing in my two cents.

  33. In my experience the girls who think they have a good personality, in fact dont. I found that women are terrible at communicating, showing emotions, or developing a connection. Im genuinely shocked how little most OLD matches actually ask me. There is no attempt to emotionally interact at all.

    A good body is attractive, but wont keep me. Sexual chemstry is important though.

  34. Faith, compassion, honesty, productivity, peaceableness, kindness, selflessness.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like