Background: I am 32 (M), fiancé is 25 (F). Been together for 3 years, engaged in Dec 2021. Wedding is scheduled for 8/7/22 in Punta Cana, DR with 55 friends and family attending. Yes they’ve already paid and mostly booked flights.
So I just found out this morning that my fiancé has had sex with this guy 2 times in the last three weeks. The guy is a mutual friend of ours. The last couple of weekends she has been going out and getting drunk but I’ve been very busy with work so a couple times I chose not to go. She assured me at the beginning of the night she would Uber back home. Well I wouldn’t hear from her until the next day so I became suspicious. I went through her phone this AM and saw texts and confronted her. She admitted she slept with this guy twice. What also really gets me is some of the messages were flirty and inappropriate.
Now that I’ve found out she is desperate to fix things. She says she doesn’t want to lose me and will do anything.
I’m conflicted because I love this life we’ve built together and I don’t want to be alone in this new house we built last year, but I also am so disgusted and just grossed out.
Also, cancelling this wedding will really screw over a lot of people. Postponing may be an option but I’m not sure.
Thoughts?
24 comments
Prenuptial if you decide to get married. Personally I would have lost all trust in your fiancé. Saving people’s deposits is no reason to get married. Walk away for a few months to a year and rethink your relationship. Cheaters will cheat again.
No you cancel it. I’m sorry. I have sympathy for both of as I was you in this situation a few years ago. I can understand sometimes it’s very hard for the cheater to leave/accept change/ admit to why they feel this was was better than being honest. But it’s over and it will be a slow death if you stay together. She doesn’t respect and if you pay the majority bills while she felt this was okay right before the wedding -then she will suck out all the self respect you have in the course of your marriage to her. Do the most loving thing you can for her and let her go while you can still look at her.
The inconvenience for some people bc of you cancelling is way less important than your feelings and future. You have to go with your gut and think it through. You deserve to dedicate your future with someone who never would’ve betrayed you! I don’t know the whole situation but you should think of your future self. You are the person you have to put first!
Oh marry her! Getting cheating on when you are married, because she will do it again, will cause no pain or anything bad once you have kids and really start to get your careers going!
Seriously! OF course she is desperate!
This is the rest of your life knowing this woman rode the other dude like a horse. Joke aside, are you willing to live the rest of your life not knowing if she’ll do it again?
Sorry OP. It is on her and not you if you cancel. 2 months before the wedding? Who does these things? She is not ready to get married. You should also take a look at the other Reddit subs dealing with cheating.
Sorry, but she cheated!!
You need to cancel the wedding!! As far as the guests they can still go or get refunds/credits!!
Get a roommate to live in the house!!
Luckily your wedding is at a vacation spot. You can still cancel the wedding and if people can’t get a refund, they’ll at least have a beach vacation.
I personally wouldn’t marry her, at least not right now. You guys are gonna need serious counseling and that won’t be complete by early August.
Bro she cheated. Is it also likely she will cheat again. Reading from the post, things were going pretty well for the both of you and she still cheated.
I get that other people might be affected, but you can’t get married to this woman who might continue to disrespect you in the future. I would say cancel it.
Don’t play around. Make sure you have evidence of all of this, even her pleading to fix things. You cannot and should not be with someone who would cheat on you at any time, least of all right before your wedding. Who’s to say it would’ve stopped after you got married?
As for your guests and the cancellation. Would you rather stay with a cheating wife than inconvenience some people for a day, maybe a few days? Get your evidence and get out.
If the house is in your name then good. Treat yourself better. It is not your fault that she cheated. By the way she had a chance to think about all of this at least twice, keep that in mind.
Just cancel it. people can still go and have a holiday. Go have a holiday fling, or take a mate and have a boys trip. Not wanting people to be out of pocket is the worst possible reason to marry someone that has zero respect for you.
I’m sorry this happened but some day you’ll realize you dodged a bullet
This the easy fun stage . LIFE and marriage gets a lot more stressful and challenging.
She’s clearly not a safe life partner.
It takes 2-5 years for her (not you) to fix herself and rebuild your trust.
At a minimum cancel the wedding and give her a year to fix herself.
Dont get married, you can only apologise to people over lost money but you cant really be expected to dedicate your life to someone who is more than likely to do this to you once again.
Its her life choices that have made the decision.
She is not currently a safe life partner and is high risk to cheat again someday.
Drinking is no excuse. If anything getting drunk is a reason to break up.
If she cheats after you have kids. You’re stuck with her.
Studies show that cheaters, In the context of a relationship, are: selfish, entitled, deceitful, and lack empathy for their partner.
No easy fix.
Thoughts? Are you for real? Cancel the fucking wedding and kick her to the kerb please.
She cheated multiple times and she was going to lie to your face every single day for the rest of your life. Cancel the wedding and make sure everyone knows why.
cancel the wedding but throw the party. still a vacation
Cancel the wedding but give the option to your family/friends to go to the resort and have a family vacation. Hotels can get cancelled and tickets can be turned into balance for another ticket.
She cheated with 2 people in 3 weeks. Don’t get married, she’ll keep cheating. Now she realized the mistake because of the embarrassment.
Cancel the wedding.
Okay here’s a truth – people are flying in to see you get married. Most people do not really want to travel to the destination for the wedding just to sit in a ceremony. Cancel the wedding. Most can recoup airfare or at least get credit on their airline. Hotel… a lot of places still have more liberal cancellation policies because of covid. The fact is, people will figure it out.
BUT, do not sacrifice your future just because people paid to fly somewhere to watch you get married. No one will want that or be happy about that. The only person who will be happy is your fiance and that is not a good enough reason.
It would be cheaper than a divorce though. Are you out of your mind to even think about still marrying her though?
If you marry a cheating fiance you only have yourself to blame when you have a cheating wife.
She cheated several times，kept flirting with her affair partner, and only admited to cheating after getting caught.
She isn’t feeling bad or guilty about it and is 100% going to do it again, maybe during the wedding, during the honeymoon, or keep doing it forever until she get caught again. Because obviously she felt good about it. She doesn’t care about you.
You are conflicted!!
You got to be kidding.
Seriously stop every thing.
I know we are not all the same but this has to be obvious even to you!
Bro she don’t deserve you and we don’t even know if that was the first time she cheated. No amount of therapy or couples counseling is ever gonna fix that relationship because if you do decide to trust her again. It’s either she really does change(very unlikely) or she does a better job at hiding her affair.
Do yourself a favor and end it.