Me (22F) and my friend were discussing the other day and I don’t think we have ever seen a perfect relationship. There always seems to be one person who’s the “settler” who holds all the power and one person who clearly cares more. I know this is pessimistic af but I truly have never seen an instance where it has been equal. Can you guys share your experiences if this is true or not?
TLDR; I want to know if it is possible for relationships to be equal, meaning that there isn’t a settler and a chaser or power imbalance.
9 comments
Almost nothing in life is perfectly balanced. It’s a stretch to think that almost any aspect of a relationship can be 50/50 all of the time. I do believe more equatable power balances exist, but I don’t know that equal exists. I also don’t think it had to be equal to be healthy either.
Sometimes you are the garden and other times the gardener.
Or, think of people like batteries. Bring your best, but sometimes people are at 20% while another is at 50%, but that might be all they’re charged to and able to put out for power 🤷
The power is very rarely 50/50. I’m not saying it can’t be, or that it shouldn’t be, but that’s not how how every relationship works. Most relationships, generally, are not 50/50 ✌️
Is it possible? Yes.
Not all the time a perfect 50/50, but it’s certainly possible.
I would say I have this balance in many personal relationships in my life.
Is there a perfect anything?
What seems like a perfect relationship on IG, could be a horrible one in real life. How would you even know of a good relationship without being in it?
Equality is just a word. It seems great, but is it realistic? Who decides if something is truly equal? Isnt that just perception?
Its in your best interest not to have to label everything. Sometimes the best situations are not truly equal.
I think that people search for equality, but it isn’t about that. It needs to be about balance, and so many things factor into it. The importance of things to a person has weight. The real issue is not knowing yourself enough to communicate effectively and relying on social standards to dictate what is most important to you.
In a relationship that spans decades, you discover that you take turns.
Couple dynamics are more complicated than that. That’s there just the ‘settler’ and the ‘one with power’ is really oversimplifying things. Not to mention, you have NO idea what people are like behind closed doors. The ‘settler’ may be incredibly passionate but will never show that side to strangers. And ‘One with Power’ may be full of hot air who breaks when real shit happens.
You’re thinking in extremes, and you begin to experience confirmation bias. Basically, you interpret everything you see to fit what you believe. Unconsciously filtering out data that shows you even the opposite.
And like another person said, people change in their roles in a relationship over time. the one who was dominant becomes super docile later or whatev.
Basically, you don’t know how life’s gonna pan out. No point worrying. Do what you can now.
My relationship is far from perfect, but she is the perfect person for me. There is absolutely never going to be a perfect balance. If there was, there would be no compromise, which is literally what every relationship is. People think that compromising is where someone gives something up in order to get something. A true compromise is where no one leaves happy since they all gave something up. That’s literally a relationship. You need to constantly give things up in order for you both to succeed, and if you find the right person, it will be give and take until you are both the best versions of yourself.
Imagine a seesaw where out balances. The fun wanes quickly. The point is that sometimes one person has to be up to bring the other person up higher. The balance isn’t in being equal, but by playing a part in the other persons life that brings them to your level for just a quick moment, and helping them surpass you.
My husband and I are both the chaser